Andy Jokes

Laugh along with the funniest of Andy Jokes from the world’s top comedians. From Amos and Andy to Hamish and Andy, from Andy Griffith to Andy Kaufman, and from Andy Samberg’s Roast to Andy Bumatai, get your fill of laughter with Joanna, Debbie, and Brian.

Great Andy Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

"Hey, why'd Andy put me in this jar?"

said Jessie, unaware of the horror that would ensue.

Andy Griffith's family are undecided on funeral arrangements.

They may cremate, they Mayberry

"My wife is such a racist...

she won't let me date black girls."

-Andy Breckman

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

Tennish! 🎾

jokes about andy

Why is a gay guy dating someone named Andy particularly useful?

Because he might come in Andy

Why was Andy Warhol always so curt in interviews?

He did not want to have to repeat himself.

Which professional tennis player masturbates the most?

Andy Rawdick

Andy joke, Which professional tennis player masturbates the most?

A Conversation Between My Sister and I.

Sister: "Andy, would you still talk to me if I lost both my front teeth?"

Me: "I would talk to you about getting fake teeth."

Who's the only person known to have had sex with OP's mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor

What country does every one called Andy come from?

Peru, because it's the home of the Andes!

Do you know Andy Griffith's wife?

OP's mom

You can explore andy brian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean andy geoff dad jokes. There are also andy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

So you need Andy Reid to take you to the airport for an international flight...

lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?

Besides OP's mom,

Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?

Have you folks read the book, Twenty Yards to the Outhouse?

by Willie Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?

Andy has diabetes

How did Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy spice up their sex life?

By trying button stuff.

Andy joke, How did Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy spice up their sex life?

Who is the main character of Shawshank Redemption?

Andy Duframed

Who was the first person ever to have sex with OPs mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry

Who did Andy Griffith bang?

OP's mom.

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?

About ten-ish.

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.

What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

My girlfriend asked "Have you seen an Andy Serkis performance?"

I said "Yes - but the clowns sort of scare me."

Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm?

So he could see barn every day.

Carl drives a stick

**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?

**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!

So I saw Andy Serkis in the new Black Panther trailer

What do you call Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman in Black Panther?

Andy joke, What do you call Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman in Black Panther?

What roles do Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman play in the new Black Panther movie?

They're the tolkien white guys of the film.

Andy Cornell called, they said you suck!

And you're gayer than Oscar.

Boom, Roasted.

[musician joke] Kid says to dad, "Dad, I want to be a musician when I grow up."

His father replies, "Sorry, Son: You can't have it both ways."

[attrib: Andy Stein on one of the PHC "Joke Shows"]

Catholic priests are like Intel CPUs.

They have little Andy in.

Why was Andy from Toy Story's girlfriend disappointed?

Andy's "Woody" wasn't quite what she was expecting.

Two men are hunting in the woods...

Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.

"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.

"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."

There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"

This joke is translated from georgian.

A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.

The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:

Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.

The teacher asked:

Why so many of you?

The kids answer:

She wasnt crossing.

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.

My girlfriend told me I spend too much time playing fantasy football

But, in my defence, I have Andy Robertson, John Stones and Kyle Walker

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the andy pervs puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working andy andy griffith piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes