They're the Tolkien white guys.
He asks the barkeeper: 'Are there any brothels around? I am so fucking horny right now.'
The barkeeper says: 'Well, there are no brothels here, but we have Steve.'
The man says: 'Doesn't matter. How much?'
'80 bucks', says the barkeeper.
'So, how does it work? Do I give Steve the 80 bucks directly?'
'No', says the barkeeper, '40 bucks go to the mayor, because he doesn't like that.'
'So, I give Steve only $40.'
'No', says the barkeeper, 'you give 20 bucks to me, because I don't like that in here.'
'Then I'll give Steve the remaining 20 bucks?'
'No, you give Trevor and Andy 10 bucks each. They have to hold Steve, because he doesn't like that either.'
That I had sex with my girlfriend and her twin last night.
He asked how I could tell them apart.
Easy, I said: Amy has huge tits. Andy has a cock.
10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"
Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head.
Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.
The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.
Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."
Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."
Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"
she won't let me date black girls."
-Andy Breckman
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
Andy has diabetes
They may cremate, they Mayberry
Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.
The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!
Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?
So he could see barn every day.
I said "Yes - but the clowns sort of scare me."
Andy Rawdick
Sheriff Andy Taylor
Peru, because it's the home of the Andes!
They're the tolkien white guys of the film.
OP's mom.
Andy Duframed
Cotton balls
Tennish! 🎾
Sister: "Andy, would you still talk to me if I lost both my front teeth?"
Me: "I would talk to you about getting fake teeth."
OP's mom
Years back, before electronic car door locks, there were two brothers, Andy and Oby. Andy was 4 years older than 16 year old Oby. Oby had never been on a date and wanted to take out a girl he had met. So...he asked Andy for advice. "I want to take this girl out for a walk and I just don't know what to do or say" Andy told him "It's easy. Just compliment her and everything will fall into place". "What do you mean" asked Oby. Andy told him to compliment her on her hair "your hair is like silk", her teeth "your teeth are like pearls", her eyes "your eyes are like sapphires", etc.
So Oby take her for a walk, and comes home with a black eye. Andy asked him what happened. Oby says: "Well, I tried to compliment her on her hair, but she didn't have much, and not many teeth either. Her eyes were one blue and one brown like some dogs, and I didn't know what to say about that, so...I said for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much!"
lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?
And you're gayer than Oscar.
Boom, Roasted.
About ten-ish.
Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry
By trying button stuff.
Because he might come in Andy
He did not want to have to repeat himself.
said Jessie, unaware of the horror that would ensue.
They have little Andy in.
His father replies, "Sorry, Son: You can't have it both ways."
[attrib: Andy Stein on one of the PHC "Joke Shows"]
They are the Token white guys.
It's meerkat.
And you're gayer than oscar.
Boom roasted.
Andy has diabetes now.
Instead of buzz lightyear Andy would have just gotten fidget spinners
by Willie Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint
Hes a Dick get it straight.
Andy Tohaveapenisandavagina
i think you are pretty ugly
Because Opie is faggot
I went for corny.
That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back.
-Andy
Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Andy? Well, here are the best jokes about Andy to have fun with.