Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Andy puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.
"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."
There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"
10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"
Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head.
Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.
The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.
Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."
Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."
Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"
A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.
The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:
Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.
The teacher asked:
Why so many of you?
The kids answer:
She wasnt crossing.
she won't let me date black girls."
-Andy Breckman
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
Andy has diabetes
They may cremate, they Mayberry
Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.
The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!
Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?
So he could see barn every day.
I said "Yes - but the clowns sort of scare me."
Sheriff Andy Taylor
Peru, because it's the home of the Andes!
Andy Rawdick
Andy's "Woody" wasn't quite what she was expecting.
OP's mom.
They're the tolkien white guys of the film.
OP's mom
And you're gayer than Oscar.
Boom, Roasted.
lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?
Years back, before electronic car door locks, there were two brothers, Andy and Oby. Andy was 4 years older than 16 year old Oby. Oby had never been on a date and wanted to take out a girl he had met. So...he asked Andy for advice. "I want to take this girl out for a walk and I just don't know what to do or say" Andy told him "It's easy. Just compliment her and everything will fall into place". "What do you mean" asked Oby. Andy told him to compliment her on her hair "your hair is like silk", her teeth "your teeth are like pearls", her eyes "your eyes are like sapphires", etc.
So Oby take her for a walk, and comes home with a black eye. Andy asked him what happened. Oby says: "Well, I tried to compliment her on her hair, but she didn't have much, and not many teeth either. Her eyes were one blue and one brown like some dogs, and I didn't know what to say about that, so...I said for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much!"
Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry
About ten-ish.
Andy Duframed
By trying button stuff.
Sister: "Andy, would you still talk to me if I lost both my front teeth?"
Me: "I would talk to you about getting fake teeth."
Tennish! 🎾
They have little Andy in.
Because he might come in Andy
His father replies, "Sorry, Son: You can't have it both ways."
[attrib: Andy Stein on one of the PHC "Joke Shows"]
He did not want to have to repeat himself.
said Jessie, unaware of the horror that would ensue.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.