Andy Jokes

48 andy jokes and hilarious andy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about andy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh along with the funniest of Andy Jokes from the world’s top comedians. From Amos and Andy to Hamish and Andy, from Andy Griffith to Andy Kaufman, and from Andy Samberg’s Roast to Andy Bumatai, get your fill of laughter with Joanna, Debbie, and Brian.

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Funniest Andy Short Jokes

Short andy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The andy humour may include short toys jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend told me I spend too much time playing fantasy football But, in my defence, I have Andy Robertson, John Stones and Kyle Walker
  2. Besides OP's mom, Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?
  3. My girlfriend asked "Have you seen an Andy Serkis performance?" I said "Yes - but the clowns sort of scare me."
  4. What country does every one called Andy come from? Peru, because it's the home of the Andes!
  5. What roles do Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman play in the new Black Panther movie? They're the tolkien white guys of the film.
  6. So you need Andy Reid to take you to the airport for an international flight... lol you didn't learn anything from 2004?
  7. A Conversation Between My Sister and I. Sister: "Andy, would you still talk to me if I lost both my front teeth?"
    Me: "I would talk to you about getting fake teeth."
  8. [musician joke] Kid says to dad, "Dad, I want to be a musician when I grow up." His father replies, "Sorry, Son: You can't have it both ways."
    [attrib: Andy Stein on one of the PHC "Joke Shows"]
  9. Why was Andy Warhol always so curt in interviews? He did not want to have to repeat himself.
  10. Why is a gay guy dating someone named Andy particularly useful? Because he might come in Andy

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Andy One Liners

Which andy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with andy? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. "My wife is such a racist... she won't let me date black girls."
    -Andy Breckman
  2. Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now? Andy has diabetes
  3. Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm? So he could see barn every day.
  4. Which professional tennis player masturbates the most? Andy Rawdick
  5. Who did Andy Griffith bang? OP's mom.
  6. What time does Andy Murray go to bed? About ten-ish.
  7. Who is the main character of Shawshank Redemption? Andy Duframed
  8. Do you know Andy Griffith's wife? OP's mom
  9. What time does Andy Murray go to bed? Tennish! 🎾
  10. Catholic priests are like Intel CPUs. They have little Andy in.
  11. If you put c, r, e, e, p, and y together without spaces it's c,r,e,e,p,andy.
  12. What do you call Andy Serkis and Martin Freeman in Black Panther?
  13. So I saw Andy Serkis in the new Black Panther trailer
  14. Andy's Mom in Toy Story probably has toys too. They may even be called w**... and Buzz.
  15. Ironically, w**... and Buzz ... were also the names of Andy's Mum's toys.

Andy Griffith Jokes

Here is a list of funny andy griffith jokes and even better andy griffith puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Andy Griffith's family are undecided on f**... arrangements. They may cremate, they Mayberry
Andy joke, Andy Griffith's family are undecided on f**... arrangements.

Great Andy Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about andy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make andy pranks.

Two men are hunting in the woods...

Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.
"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."
There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.

This joke is translated from georgian.

A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.
The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:
Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.
The teacher asked:
Why so many of you?
The kids answer:
She wasnt crossing.

Carl drives a stick

**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

Who's the only person known to have had s**... with OP's mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor

Why was Andy from Toy Story's girlfriend disappointed?

Andy's "w**..." wasn't quite what she was expecting.

Andy Cornell called, they said you s**...!

And you're gayer than Oscar.
Boom, Roasted.

Who was the first person ever to have s**... with OPs mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry

How did Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy spice up their s**... life?

By trying button stuff.

Have you folks read the book, Twenty Yards to the Outhouse?

by w**... Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint

Andy joke, Have you folks read the book, Twenty Yards to the Outhouse?

jokes about andy