Uproarious Andrew Jokes to Share with Friends
A lady goes to the store to buy a hook
..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."
(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)
My first job ...
When I was 15 I came home one day very excited, walked up to my father and said, "Hey dad! I just got a job!"
To which my father replies, "Congratulations son! How much does it pay?"
Confused, I respond, "Well, she charged me 50 bucks... If they're going to start paying me... Then I might end up a workaholic!"
( I think this is a bastardization of an old Andrew Dice Clay bit... I'm sure it was funnier when said on stage).
I don't believe Prince Andrew paid for an underage s**... s**....
That sponger's never paid for anything in his life.
Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached.
You could say it was unpresidented.
Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the new $20 bill...
Unfortunately those bills will only be worth $12 now.
There have been two presidential impeachments in the history of the United States...
One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson.
I asked my wife if she was cheating on me. She replied, "No, Eric. You think I would stoop that low?"
My name is Andrew...
4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...
... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies
The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."
The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."
The Welshman said, "My boy was born on St David's Day, and I just had to call him David!"
The Irishman spoke up, "Ah, sure, it was just the same with our Pancake!"
I met a man on the London bridge joke
As the sun set on the ridge, he tipped his hat and drew his name and cheated at the guessing game.
What was the man’s name?
The man’s name is Andrew.
BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.
In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...
I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences
No sweat
You can explore andrew geoff reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean andrew greg dad jokes. There are also andrew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Is Prince Andrew worried about his current situation?
No, he isn't sweating it at all.
In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.
And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.
Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.
The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.
Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."
When you turn 100 you get a letter from the Queen
when you turn 13 you get a text from Prince Andrew.
in the UK when you turn 100 you get a letter from the queen
and when you're 13 you get a text from prince Andrew
Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff
It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are chatting in a bar. The Englishman says "We named my son George because he was born on St. George's Day".
The Scotsman says "Wow, what a coincidence! My son is called Andrew because he was born on St. Andrew's Day"
The Irishman says "I can't believe it! Wait till I tell you about our Pancake"
Why does Tom Holland never drive?
Because Andrew and Tobey are more experienced parallel Parkers
Prince Andrew didn't kill himself!
Sorry, just practicing it
Prince Andrew was asked if he is worried about being held accountable for what he did...
"No sweat"
I'm not sure why all the fuss about Prince Andrew
It seems to be a pretty minor affair...
The Queen has given Andrew a new title...
The Nobody Formerly Known as Prince.
I used to think I was bad at dating in high school as I never had a girlfriend.
Prince Andrew must have been way worse, he was 45 when he got a high school girlfriend!
A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne
Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.
The Queen always said her corgis were like children to her.
So it makes sense that they've been given to Prince Andrew.
Following the death of Queen Elizabeth, Prince Andrew has been given the role of looking after the corgis.
At least they will be well groomed.
What were the British v**... Islands named for?
Having the rare privilege to not have Prince Andrew visit. Yet...
The Royal Family are going to send Prince Andrew to see what public opinion is like
Just putting the feeler out
Queens corgi's
Why did the queen leave her corgis to prince Andrew
He has the most experience as a groomer
Why did Prince Andrew stop grooming the Corgi's?
He found out they were 18 in dog years
After the Queen died, there was much discussion about who would take care of her beloved corgis
Once Andrew found out that they were all under 16, he insisted on taking them.
Prince Andrew is going to inherit The Queen's Corgis.
Makes sense with his experience in grooming.
Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes
As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
j**...'s is naming a pizza after Andrew Tate
The small sausage
And now…for the ultimate test of Andrew Tate's masculinity…
Prison
What do you call Andrew Tate in a Romanian prison?
In-cell
Andrew Tate says his Romanian jail is infested with lice. "Can you imagine sharing a cell with vile parasites?"
Say the lice.
King Charles has announced that he will be sending his best two Helicopter pilots to Ukraine for the war.
Their names are Andrew and Harry
Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....
Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."
