The Best 73 Ancient Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ancient jokes. There are some ancient archeologists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ancient ancient rome puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ancient Jokes and Puns

A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece

He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.

The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"

The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Did you hear that archaeologists discovered an unusual ancient Egyptian tomb recently?

The body was preserved with chocolate and nuts.

Experts believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Roche!

can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?' 'No, your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'

Ancient joke, can someone explain this ancient Roman joke

Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...

but it was just a fossil arm.

The United States has such bad luck

It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.


The US is having so many disasters and tragedies

Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Ancient joke, What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Ancient Soviet joke

Guy turns on the TV and there's Brezhnev making a speech. He changes the channel, there's Brezhnev again, and tries again and on the next channel is a KGB officer saying - 'You'd better stop changing channels'.

Why did ancient Egyptians shave their heads?

To be more pharaohdynamic.

What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.

What was the ancient language Link needed a book to translate in "A Link to the Past"?

Hyruleglyphics.

You can explore ancient mystical reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ancient medieval dad jokes. There are also ancient puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's an Ancient Roman's favorite sex position?

LXIX.

Excuse me, are you interested in courses on ancient Egypt?

I promise it's not a pyramid scheme.

What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?

Ancient grease

Why was math so easy in ancient Rome?

x always equals 10

So much has been going wrong in the USA

You would think it had been built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Ancient joke, So much has been going wrong in the USA

With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...

You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs?

The bikings.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.


America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed?

You would be stoned to death.

How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?

With little Caesar's.

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain…

The heroin worked a treat for me.

The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.

Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

With all these natural disasters happening,

Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Did you know that in ancient Greece, Hippasus was exiled for discovering that some numbers could not be described with simple whole numbers or fractions?

How irrational.

Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often.

They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.

What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?

A Plebeian J

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

Why did the ancient Roman police arrest an Eagle?

Because he was... Aquila.

Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...

He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"

The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".

Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"

...

...

"It's horrible."

"Agree."

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.

Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?

They didn't want to spread HIV.

Ancient Romans believed the 54th birthday was the time to indulge in all your crazy impulses.

You only LIV once.

I once met a crazed man muttering incoherently about Ancient Mesopotamia

But I had to stop him, because I didn't want him to Babylon

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

What do you call a connoisseur of ancient humor?

Antique-witty

Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:

\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!

Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.

"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".

"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.

"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

What was the biggest scam in Ancient Egypt?

A Pyramid Scheme.

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person's aura changes changes right before they die.

Cyan-aura.

In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

How is working at McDonald's like being an archaeologist in Athens?

Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

A lot of weird stuff is going on in America at the moment...

It's like America is built on an ancient Indian burial ground or something.

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

Why is America cursed

It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person's aura changes when they die.

Cyan-aura.

I saw an oil stain that was 1000 years old

It was ancient grease.

Once in ancient Athens a man walked into a tailor's shop

Eumenides? The man asked the tailor
Euripides? The tailor asked the man

Made this one up at work today.

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

and oldie but a goodie

back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.

when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "fart" fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single fart sends you all the way across the river"

(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.

While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"

I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.

It was from ancient Greece.

Ancient Roman walks into a bar…

Says to the bartender i will have a martinus

Bartender says you mean martini

The roman says no, just one

I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

It's Ancient Greece and a playwright goes to a tailor to have his clothes fixed.

The tailor looks at the clothes and says ah, Euripides

The man looks at the tailor and says yes. Eumenides?

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."



[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicovered that an Abderite was used inside Greek's jokes as an archtype for an idiot (Abderia was a city in Thrace).

Sir John Harrington, the inventor of the flush toilet, is well remembered for two reasons.

Number 1 and Number 2

(Note: Ancient civilizations like the Mesopotamians and Minoans can also lay claim to inventing flush toilets too, I guess)

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

An old joke

The man was trying to learn swimming and one day was about to get drowned in the pool during practice; he was saved by one of those helping him at the last moment. As they got him out of the water, he looked at the others and said: I will never get in water again until i learn swimming!

Ps: this is an ancient greek joke from a 4th-century book of collection of jokes, so…

America has been having a lot of bad luck lately

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ancient ancient greek jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ancient ancient history piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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