The Best 75 Ancient Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ancient jokes. There are some ancient archeologists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ancient ancient rome puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Ancient Jokes and Puns

A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece

He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.

The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"

The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...

but it was just a fossil arm.

The United States has such bad luck

It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

The US is having so many disasters and tragedies

Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.

jokes about ancient

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.


Ancient Soviet joke

Guy turns on the TV and there's Brezhnev making a speech. He changes the channel, there's Brezhnev again, and tries again and on the next channel is a KGB officer saying - 'You'd better stop changing channels'.

Why did ancient Egyptians shave their heads?

To be more pharaohdynamic.

Ancient joke, Why did ancient Egyptians shave their heads?

What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.

What was the ancient language Link needed a book to translate in "A Link to the Past"?

Hyruleglyphics.

What's an Ancient Roman's favorite sex position?

LXIX.

Excuse me, are you interested in courses on ancient Egypt?

I promise it's not a pyramid scheme.

You can explore ancient mystical reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ancient medieval dad jokes. There are also ancient puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?

Ancient grease

Why was math so easy in ancient Rome?

x always equals 10

So much has been going wrong in the USA

You would think it had been built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...

You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs?

The bikings.

Ancient joke, What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs?

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

What was the ancient punishment for smoking fatal levels of weed?

You would be stoned to death.


How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?

With little Caesar's.

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain…

The heroin worked a treat for me.

The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.

Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

With all these natural disasters happening,

Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Ancient joke, With all these natural disasters happening,

Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often.

They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait.

What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?

A Plebeian J

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me


Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...

He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"

The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".

Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"

...

...

"It's horrible."

"Agree."

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.

Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?

They didn't want to spread HIV.

Ancient Romans believed the 54th birthday was the time to indulge in all your crazy impulses.

You only LIV once.

I once met a crazed man muttering incoherently about Ancient Mesopotamia

But I had to stop him, because I didn't want him to Babylon


I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:

\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!

Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.

"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".

"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.

"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

What was the biggest scam in Ancient Egypt?

A Pyramid Scheme.

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person's aura changes changes right before they die.

Cyan-aura.

In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

Why is America cursed

It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person's aura changes when they die.

Cyan-aura.

I saw an oil stain that was 1000 years old

It was ancient grease.

Once in ancient Athens a man walked into a tailor's shop

Eumenides? The man asked the tailor
Euripides? The tailor asked the man

Made this one up at work today.

There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.

His name was Popsicles.

and oldie but a goodie

back in ancient china, before the populations number a million, a monk lived near his friend, who was on the other side of the river. he wrote a long poem, full of phrases like "the seven winds could not move me" and was very proud of it. he sent it to his friend via dove.

when his friend sent it back, he had written one word in the corner of the scroll "fart" fuming, the monk stomped over to his friend's dwelling and demanded an explanation. to this his friend simply said "the seven winds could not move you, and yet a single fart sends you all the way across the river"

(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.

While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"

I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.

It was from ancient Greece.

Ancient Roman walks into a bar…

Says to the bartender i will have a martinus

Bartender says you mean martini

The roman says no, just one

I read about how in ancient Rome gladiators had a layer of fat to protect them in combat.

I'm gonna start telling people I have the body of a gladiator.

It's Ancient Greece and a playwright goes to a tailor to have his clothes fixed.

The tailor looks at the clothes and says ah, Euripides

The man looks at the tailor and says yes. Eumenides?

Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."



[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicovered that an Abderite was used inside Greek's jokes as an archtype for an idiot (Abderia was a city in Thrace).

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

America has been having a lot of bad luck lately

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...

Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However poison IV would make you really itchy.

In ancient times, people watched the earth spin for 24 hours.

They got bored though, so they called it a day

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial

a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

If a wealthy ancient Roman had a private bathroom on the sixth floor of his home...

...did that make it a VI P room?

I got caught faking my way through an ancient history course

I failed because Greek mythology is my Achilles horse

An ancient Egyptian architect once asked, Do you know how to build a pyramid?

Well, uh yeah, up to a point, replied the Ancient Egyptian builder

(Believe it or not my toddler just told me that joke. I'm so proud)

Why did the ancient philosopher build 2 spots to park his boat?

We'll never know, it's a paradox.

Archaeologists just excavated an ancient bank

It put them in financial ruin

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.

You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about

Boephades nuts?

How is working at McDonald's like being an archaeologist in Athens?

You end up smelling like ancient grease.

According to ancient Japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die.

Cyan Aura.

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman they must have the same landlord I do."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ancient ancient greek jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ancient ancient history piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes