Anchoring Jokes

These are 52 anchoring jokes and hilarious anchoring puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anchoring that are good jokes for kids and friends.

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Short Anchoring Jokes
Anchoring One Liners
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Best Short Anchoring Jokes

These are our top anchoring puns. Have fun with a good anchoring joke in English with simple anchoring humour.

My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor. More on this story later...
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. More on this after the break.
News Anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time. Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*
What is the difference between CNN and the Titanic? The Titanic still had all it's anchors when it sank...
I'm about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes. I have to take a course in anchor management.
[First Date] Her: Why are you talking to me like I'm a news anchor? Me: I always do that when I'm nervous. Now back to you Jennifer.
What's the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories? This: Justin.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor. More on this after the break.
What's the difference between CNN and the Titanic? The Titanic had all of its anchors when it sank
My boss said to me, "you're the anchor of this company!" He knows I'm a dead weight at the end of my rope...

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these anchoring jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of anchoring puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Anchoring One Liners

Which anchoring dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anchoring?

What happened when the reporter fell into the water? She became an anchor...
What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey? Anchor.
Why did the electrician become a news anchor? He's always had a knack for current events.
News anchors should really be careful these days... they're always breaking news.
Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management.
Where does an angry pirate get sent? Anchor Management
A certain NBC Nightly News Anchor...
Why did the ship drift off. It's anchor was aweigh
What makes the news seem slow? The anchor.
Where are all the news anchors in Alaska born Anchorage
God i hate myself
What job did the ex-therapist do aboard the ship? Anchor Management.
What Do You Call an Anchor Baby? A seedy-son... I'm sorry
I order to stay in the Navy, I had to take a course in anchor management.
ESPN's favorite Anchor's best friend Sal Palantonios pal Antonio from San Antonio
Parents, why name your kid Beyanka Keep it simple, Anchor will do.

Anchoring Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about anchoring to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make anchoring prank.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub.

Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have s**... with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub.

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

What does a news anchor say during s**...?

this just in

I'm not fishing

A woman had become tired of the family stressing around her, so she went to the nearest lake and borrowed a boat, sailed out to the middle of the lake, throws in the anchor and sits down and starts reading the book she brought with her.
Ten minutes later a boat aproaches and she notices it is the sheriff.
"Do you have a fishing permit?" the sheriff asks
"no, I'm not fishing I'm reading my book"
"but you have the boat full of fishing equipment, there's nothing to stop you from fishing when I turn my
back on you. So I will have ask you to follow me to the shore, so I can write you a fine for i**... fishing"
"If you do that I'll yell r**..."
"r**...?"
"yeah you got the equipment for it, there's nothing to stop you from using it when I turn my back on you"
the sheriff tips his hat to the lady "Enjoy the book, and have a nice day"
*edit spelling*

Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City.

He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station

A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'

Never argue with a woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read a book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish & Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that quite obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I am reading!'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up a ticket.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

TV Anchor and A Shepherd

TV anchor to a Shapherd: "What do you feed your goat?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "hmm! The black one"
Shapherd: "Grass"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also Grass"
Anchor: "How do you bathe them?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shapherd: "With water"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also with water"
Anchor: "Where do you house them?"
Shapherd: "Which one, the black one or the white one?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shapherd: "In the large barn"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shapherd: "Also in the large barn"
Anchor: "m**..., If you treat them both the same way, why do you keep asking me which one, the black or white?"
Shapherd: "Because the white goat is mine."
Anchor: "And the black one?
Shapherd: "That is also mine"

TV Anchor and A Shapherd

TV Anchor to a Shapherd: "What do you feed your goat?"
Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"
Anchor: "hmm! The black one"
Shepherd: "Grass"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shepherd: "Also Grass"
Anchor: "How do you bathe them?"
Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shepherd: "With water"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shepherd: "Also with water"
Anchor: "Where do you house them?"
Shepherd: "Which one, the black or the white?"
Anchor: "The black one"
Shepherd: "In the large barn"
Anchor: "And the white one?"
Shepherd: "Also in the large barn"
Anchor: "m**..., If you treat them both the same way, why do you keep asking me which one, the black or white?"
Shepherd: "Because the white goat is mine."
Anchor: "And the black one?
Shepherd: "That is also mine"

What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea?

Anderson p**...

First day at Navy school.

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

Weather Report...

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

NASA sends a r**... and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The r**... then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."
Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

Russian TV

Russian TV News Anchor:
And now, our viewers favorite news segment: bad news from America ...

What did the emperor say to the captain of the cruise ship?

Release your anchor.

I met the guys in charge of anchoring down a space elevator the other day...

They're pretty down-to-earth people.

What did the boat say to the anchor?

Go away

If the Anchor Man was the POTUS, who would it be

"More Ron"

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news, the anchor is showing a video of a girl threatening to jump off a cliff. The guy turns to the Blonde and says "I bet you $500 she jumps" "you're on" the Blonde replies.
2 minutes later the girl jumps and dies.
As she is pulling money out her purse, the boyfriend says "I feel bad taking your money, but I watched the 6pm news and I saw this story" "me too" the Blonde answered, "but I didn't think she would be s**... enough to jump off again"

How did the anchor commit s**...?

He drowned himself

What did the TV anchor say during s**...?

This just in!

China just debuted it's first totally AI news anchor..

At least now Anderson Cooper isn't the only robot we have to watch.

I just put up my Republican nativity scene.

Of course I had to remove the Arabs, the Jews, the anchor baby, and the refugees, so all that's left is one j**... and a bunch of sheep.

A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"

Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these anchoring jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.

Anchoring Jokes

Best Short Anchoring Jokes

Anchoring One Liners

Anchoring Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub.