Anchor Jokes

This collection of anchor jokes is sure to leave you feeling ship-shape! Whether you're looking for a laugh or searching for some clever puns, these nautical jokes will have you feeling anchors aweigh.

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Best Short Anchor Jokes

These are our top anchor puns. Have fun with a good anchor joke in English with simple anchor humour.

  1. My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor. More on this story later...
  2. My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. More on this after the break.
  3. News Anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time. Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*
  4. What is the difference between CNN and the Titanic? The Titanic still had all it's anchors when it sank...
  5. I'm about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes. I have to take a course in anchor management.
  6. [First Date] Her: Why are you talking to me like I'm a news anchor? Me: I always do that when I'm nervous. Now back to you Jennifer.
  7. What's the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories? This: Justin.
  8. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor. More on this after the break.
  9. What's the difference between CNN and the Titanic? The Titanic had all of its anchors when it sank
  10. My boss said to me, "you're the anchor of this company!" He knows I'm a dead weight at the end of my rope...
Anchor joke, My boss said to me, "you're the anchor of this company!"

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these anchor jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of anchor puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Anchor One Liners

Which anchor dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anchor?

  1. What happened when the reporter fell into the water? She became an anchor...
  2. What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey? Anchor.
  3. Why did the electrician become a news anchor? He's always had a knack for current events.
  4. News anchors should really be careful these days... they're always breaking news.
  5. Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management.
  6. Where does an angry pirate get sent? Anchor Management
  7. A certain NBC Nightly News Anchor...
  8. Why did the ship drift off. It's anchor was aweigh
  9. What makes the news seem slow? The anchor.
  10. Where are all the news anchors in Alaska born Anchorage
    God i hate myself
  11. What job did the ex-therapist do aboard the ship? Anchor Management.
  12. What Do You Call an Anchor Baby? A seedy-son... I'm sorry
  13. I order to stay in the Navy, I had to take a course in anchor management.
  14. ESPN's favorite Anchor's best friend Sal Palantonios pal Antonio from San Antonio
  15. Parents, why name your kid Beyanka Keep it simple, Anchor will do.

Tv Anchor Jokes

Here is a list of funny tv anchor jokes and even better tv anchor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Russian TV Russian TV News Anchor:
    And now, our viewers favorite news segment: bad news from America ...
  • What did the TV anchor say during s**...? This just in!
Anchor joke, What did the TV anchor say during s**...?

Happy Anchor Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about anchor to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make anchor prank.

A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"

Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station

A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

What does a news anchor say during s**...?

this just in

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."
Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

The anchorwoman on the local news just reported that Davy Jones from the Monkees has died

At first I didn't believe it. But then I saw her face.

What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea?

Anderson p**...

I just put up my Republican nativity scene.

Of course I had to remove the Arabs, the Jews, the anchor baby, and the refugees, so all that's left is one j**... and a bunch of sheep.

Anchor joke, I order to stay in the Navy,

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these anchor jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.