The Best 31 Anchor Jokes

This collection of anchor jokes is sure to leave you feeling ship-shape! Whether you're looking for a laugh or searching for some clever puns, these nautical jokes will have you feeling anchors aweigh.

Top 10 Funniest Anchor Jokes and Puns

Why did the ship drift off.

It's anchor was aweigh

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.

"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.

Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

What does a news anchor say during sex?

this just in

A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station


A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.

He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.

The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."

The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."

He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.

He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.

The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"

The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked:
'So Bobby, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?'


What happened when the reporter fell into the water?

She became an anchor...

What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea?

Anderson Pooper

Anchor joke, What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea?

The anchorwoman on the local news just reported that Davy Jones from the Monkees has died

At first I didn't believe it. But then I saw her face.

A certain NBC Nightly News Anchor...

Where does an angry pirate get sent?

Anchor Management

I order to stay in the Navy,

I had to take a course in anchor management.

You can explore anchor boat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anchor dock dad jokes. There are also anchor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does a ship weigh when she leaves for a journey?

Anchor.

A News Anchor is in an Islamic country interviewing the civilians.

The news anchor asks a woman:"Are you being oppressed?"
The woman stutters:"I...I have to ask my husband."

Source/Inspiration: Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen

Why were the pirates on the ship fighting?

They needed better anchor management.

Russian TV

Russian TV News Anchor:

And now, our viewers favorite news segment: bad news from America ...

What Do You Call an Anchor Baby?

A seedy-son... I'm sorry

Anchor joke, What Do You Call an Anchor Baby?

My boss said to me, "you're the anchor of this company!"

He knows I'm a dead weight at the end of my rope...

What job did the ex-therapist do aboard the ship?

Anchor Management.

How did the anchor commit suicide?

He drowned himself


What did the TV anchor say during sex?

This just in!

China just debuted it's first totally AI news anchor..

At least now Anderson Cooper isn't the only robot we have to watch.

I just put up my Republican nativity scene.

Of course I had to remove the Arabs, the Jews, the anchor baby, and the refugees, so all that's left is one jackass and a bunch of sheep.

What makes the news seem slow?

The anchor.

I'm about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes.

I have to take a course in anchor management.

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor.

More on this story later...

Anchor joke, My wife is leaving me because she's fed up with me talking like a news anchor.

News Anchor: The CDC has advised no handshakes at this time.

Cannibal: "Aww..." *STOPS BLENDER*

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

What's the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories?

This: Justin.


My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

[First Date] Her: Why are you talking to me like I'm a news anchor?

Me: I always do that when I'm nervous. Now back to you Jennifer.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the anchor seafaring jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working anchor chain piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes