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Anc Jokes

99 anc jokes and hilarious anc puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anc that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Anc Short Jokes

Short anc jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The anc humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
  2. I have this rope tied with a large hole in it that's been really bugging me. It's such a noose-ance.
  3. Understanding electricity. AC - Alternating current
    DC - Direct current
    ANC - Absolutely no current

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Anc One Liners

Which anc one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anc? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What did the comedian say before he hung himself? "Sorry for being a noose-ance."
  2. You know what the worst thing about execution by hanging is? It's such a noose-ance.
  3. How do you make cancer curable? You replace ance with u and add able too the end.
  4. How to have a séance Ance. Ok you're turn.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about anc can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of anc puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Anc Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about anc you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make anc prank.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in France.

Trump still has a chance at 270

All he has to do is lose 50lbs.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before h**..., or h**... before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-h**...-stasis, if you will.

I told my gf that i had a crush on beyonce!

And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat"
And i said "No that's **Buoyancy**"

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."

We didn't have those fancy hazmat suit you all wear today

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some w**... with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie is everywhere!

A good romance starts with a foundation of trust and friendship.

A bad romance starts with a rah rah rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma gaga ooh la la

I saw two kids fighting on the elementary school playground and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little b**... didn't stand a chance…

In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?

European.

I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ?

She said - why would we choose you..

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

23andme is a fake, rip-off scam website.

The results of my ancestry came back 85% German and 10% Bavarian/Eastern European, but I know *FOR A FACT* that my grandparents came to the USA from **Argentina!**

Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.

Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist s**... bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

Wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

Me: They're for the dogs.
Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Me: They don't know how.

A farmer goes to the market to sell his horse for $2000, and a man buys it from him.

The farmer says he'll deliver it to to man in 1 week's time, but halfway through the week the horse dies.
The farmer offers to refund the man's money, but the man chooses to buy it anyway.
The next week the farmer sees and asks the man what he did with the dead horse.
The man says 'Oh I held a lucky draw, $50 for a chance to win a horse. 100 people entered, and I collected $5000.
The farmer, shocked, asks 'But wasn't anyone upset with the horse?' The man replies
'Oh yes, only the winner, but I refunded him his $50.'

Dark humor is like cancer.

It's even funnier when children get it.

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back

Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

If you could exterminate any race what would you pick?

Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

A German got pulled over by the police in France

*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*German:* "31"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"

Alligators can live up to 100 years...

Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.

Why does France have so many rivers?

Water follows the path of least resistance.

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

that's me, and it's pronounced noelle

A software tester walks into a bar

Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...

...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"

I think the most patriotic part of the entire Super Bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance

Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer.

I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea.
You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning.
Please friends, if you can't handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea.

On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."
"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to these Canadians?"
"Don't worry, I'll balance it out," said God. "Wait 'till you see the neighbours I'm giving them."

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash.

Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.
Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"
Man respond, "I check obituary"
"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"
"Putin obituary be on front page"

A software tester walks into a bar.

Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.

A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head."

"The bad news is it's brain cancer."

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane. 
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. 
The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.  
Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.

When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.

That sail has shipped.

My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.

I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?
Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.

French fries weren't cooked in France.

They were cooked in Greece.

LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don't date a soccer player.

There's only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.

I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic s**... bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

A n**... man was walking down the street with a woman on his back

A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"
The n**... man replied, "To a fancy dress party."
"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.
"A tortoise", said the n**... man.
"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.
"Oh, that's Michelle."
EDIT - I changed the first "gentleman" to "bloke." I hope it makes more sense that way.

A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"

Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.

A guy rides his motorcycle through the border from Spain to France every week carrying two bags of sand.

The border guard searched the bags every time, but never found anything, so he had to let him through. The guard has his last day at work before retiring and the guy comes to the border again, carrying his two bags of sand. The guard says "look, man, it's my last day, I'm not going to bust you. You're clearly smuggling *something* across the border all this time but we never find anything, what is it.". The guy says "I'm smuggling motorcycles"

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

s**... auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus?

An ambulance you racist.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

The US is having so many disasters and tragedies

Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

I don't get why people say cancer is hard to beat

I'm already on Stage 4

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

When is the Bible accurate?

When it's thrown from a short distance.

My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "There is a 99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did.

Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.

"Doc, my b**... hurts"

"Where specifically does it hurt?"
"Right around the entrance"
"Yeah well that's the exit. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt"

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances.

Well she's in for a shock.

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...

For instance:
"Ben is in a hurry."
"Ben is in a coma."

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these anc jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.