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Analysing Jokes

17 analysing jokes and hilarious analysing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about analysing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Analysing Short Jokes

Short analysing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The analysing humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I've spent today analysing some statistics about how drunk people walk. They're just staggering.
  2. Scientists analysed sweat samples of 100 regular KFC visitors. 11 secrete herbs and spices

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Analysing One Liners

Which analysing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with analysing? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. I analysed ghost sightings over a 100 year period They followed a paranormal distribution
  2. Analysing a joke is like dissecting a frog Few people are interested and the frog dies
  3. If you are getting a prostate exam... You're getting ANALysed!!!
  4. Are you a geologist? You can analyse my rocks anytime ;)

Analysing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about analysing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make analysing pranks.

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.
zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo
visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse
zodiac is now xodiac

An officer sees a man leave the bar at closing time and walk in a drunken fashion, trying to enter each car parked there.

The officer thinks to himself I have got an easy catch. Meanwhile while this is going in, the other patrons enter their own cars and drive off.
When the drunken man finally climbs in his own car and pulls out, the cop is waiting for him and gives a breath analyser test.
To his surprise, it shows a reading of 0.0. Confused, the cop asks the driver, how?
To which the driver replies - Tonight, I am the designated decoy.

Been analysing my spending and it turns out rather than large purchases, most of my expenditure seems to go on the mysterious middle aisle in German supermarkets.

To put it another way: it's not the big things, it's Aldi Lidl things.

I entered a pun competition

Being a competitive sort, I scoured my brains for my very best puns, sorting them and analysing them by punningness, and finally submitting my very best top ten puns. I was sure I would win, or at least one would make the medals table.
But unfortunately no pun in ten did.

A Penguin is driving in his car

Suddenly, the car broke down and he needed to tow the car to the mechanic
After leaving the car to give the mechanic time to analyse it, he felt hungry and spotted an ice cream shop nearby. He ordered a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, but because the store had run out of spoons, he needed to use his flippers to eat it
The penguin later returned with vanilla ice cream dripping down his flippers and beak. When the mechanic saw him, he said, "Well sir, it looks like you blew a seal"
The penguin just replied, "No, it's just ice cream"

A scientist invents a lie detector

The machine is able to analyse speech patterns and detect lies, beeping whenever it detects a lie. To demonstrate it,he plays it a video of bill clinton, 'I did not have s**... relations with that woman', * beep*.
He takes it to the presidential debates, Hillary says " I am probably the best qualified woman for the job." *beep".
Trump seizes the moment and says " See, she's lying! Crooked Hillary, just like I said." Everyone waits, but there's no beep. Anderson Cooper turns to Trump and says, "Mr. Trump, your response",
Trump says " I think..." *beep*

NASA sends a r**... and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The r**... then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

Ravens

Humorous story from the web:
Researchers for the Western Australian Main Roads Department found over 200 dead crows on the Great Northern Highway recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and confirmed that it was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The MRD then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The O.B quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".