Amused Jokes
59 amused jokes and hilarious amused puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about amused that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to roar with laughter! These amusing jokes are sure to leave you in stitches! From the amusingly ridiculous to the just plain absurd, these hilarious jokes will be proudly shared among friends with composure intact. Don't miss out on the opportunity to be amused by a fart joke!
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Funniest Amused Short Jokes
Short amused jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amused humour may include short amusing jokes also.
- Ha - mildly amusing Haha - laughing
Hahaha - saracstic laughing
Hahahaha - Staying Alive - I just learned that 'amused' and 'bemused' don't mean the same thing. At first I laughed, but now I don't know what to think!
- What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
- When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain. She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
- Laughing scale Ha – Mildly amusing
Haha – Funny
Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha – Stayin alive - I got ripped off at the amusement park. A guy sold me tickets to the ferrous wheel.
Turns out it's made of aluminium. - Hear about the vampire who quit his job at the Amusement Park? He used to set up the Hall of Mirrors but he just couldn't see himself doing it anymore.
- -Dad, did you ever fall in love with a teacher? -Yes son, the kindergarden teacher
-And what happened?
-Your mother was not amused, we had to take you to another school. - I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it. The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.
- I was at an amusement park with my friends. They all said the invisible roller coaster was great, but I didn't see the attraction.
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Amused One Liners
Which amused one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amused? I can suggest the ones about astonished and amusement.
- It's amusing how Americans love Cardi-B ..but hate Cardi-o
- Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost? That's the spirit.
- Did you know Hellen Keller had an amusement park in her backyard? Neither did she.
- What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism? Allahu lap-bar.
- [OC] What's the most ironic amusement park ride? The ferrous wheel.
- The feeling of amusement you get reading about "Florida Man" schadenflorida
- I believe god created the earth solely to amuse himself. I am a Recreationist.
- I am a theist God was not amused
- What do chefs call plants that make them laugh? Amuse Bush.
- What do you call a bunch of dolls in line at an amusement park? A Barbie-queue
- (Generic title that catches your attention) (Mildly amusing pun)
- What did Adele say when she was at the amusement park? Hello from the other ride
- I'd made a chemistry joke... ...but all the moderately amusing ones have used to death.
- Why is the clown always amused? He is surprised that he's seen as a muse
- A dyslexic man walks into a bar Unfortunately, the woman was not amused
Giggle-Inducing Amused Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about amused you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean amazed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amused pranks.
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
Court Case
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
when the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.'
'CASE DISMISSED!!'
Little Billy
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.Then he decided to write God a letter request $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to weite a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Thanks,
Billy
An old woman joins a gang.
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She went to a bar where she new they hung out and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms was at the entrance.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the parking lot.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my n**... a few times."
Pleasing you girlfriend.
I asked a friend of mine what ways he pleases his girlfriend since I felt I was losing some spark in the bedroom. He told me, "Try waking her up with o**... s**...."
The next morning, I woke up early to see if it would work. She wasn't too amused. She screamed, "What are you doing!? Get that out of my mouth!"
A man is sitting on his porch...
when a young boy walks by, holding a roll of duct tape. The man, slightly amused yet curious, asks the boy what he plans on doing with it.
"I take duck tape down to the lake, and I use it to catch ducks", replies the boy. The man laughs it off, but later the boy returns with his arms full of ducks.
The next day, the man is once again sitting on his porch when the boy comes around again, this time with a roll of chicken wire under his arm. "to catch chickens with", the boy tells the man, who is still a little skeptical, and laughs it off. Sure enough, that night he sees the boy carrying an armload of fat chickens.
The third day, the boy is carrying something, so the man asks what it is.
"They're pussywillows. I use it to..."
The man cuts him off. "I'll get my coat!"
A man finds his friend drunk at a bar
His drunk friend is staring intensely at his soup.
"Hey buddy, what's up? You ok?"
"Nah man -slurs his friend drunkenly-, this soup man, it won't let me eat it"
"What do you mean?"
"It just won't let me eat it! It's impossible to eat!"
"I'm sure you can eat it if you try"
"IT JUST WON'T OK? You try and see for your self"
The guy, amused, obliges, and tries his friend's soup, while the drunk friend stares in disbelief.
"That's amazing! I've tried to eat it three times, and it just comes back into the bowl!"
Man with a mission
A guy is standing next to an open manhole cover. While smiling and giggling he points down towards the manhole and keeps repeating Twenty six... Twenty six.. Continuosly.
Curiosity got the better of one drunk passerby who was slightly amused by this behaviour. He moves closer to the dude standing by the manhole and asks with a smile on his face.. Hey.... What you upto ?
The guy with a clearly visible grin and a hint of increasing excitement on his face, looks down towards the manhole and points to it then says TWENTY SIX !!!....TWENTY SIX !!!
The drunk man decides to move closer to the manhole to have a better look. Just that moment when the drunk man bends over to look inside the manhole, he is pushed down inside by the lunatic. The lunatic laughs and giggles uncontrolably and starts saying... Twenty Seven.. Twenty Seven..
My wife wasn't amused...
Her: Be careful traffic is crazy.
Me: If I can handle you, traffic should be a cinch!
The Walk
I went to a mixed religion seminar.
The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah, you will walk today!
I snapped at him, There's nothing wrong with me
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
A magic show...
Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the saw the lady in half trick. As she is climbing into the box, Bob leans over and whispers, That's some hot broad. I'd ask her out, wouldn't you?
Nah, Hank says, I'd probably get the half that eats.
Having a bit of a lazy day...
sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss doesn't look amused
So a n**... woman walks into a bar and asks for a beer...
The bartender stares at her body from head to toe then serves her a beer. She drinks it and asks for another beer. The bartender stares at her for longer and serves her a second beer. The woman again drinks it and asks for a third beer.
Then the bartender starts to look at her with an amused expression, until the woman says:
-- What, have you never seen a n**... woman before?
-- That I have, miss. I'm wondering where you're keeping the money to pay for the beers.
A burglar sneaks into a house one night...
As he was looking for valuables he heard someone say "Jesus is watching you".
Shocked, he turns on his flashlight and sees a parrot. He asks the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot says "Yes". Amused, the burglar asks the parrot its name, to which the parrot replies "Moses".
The burglar is surprised, and asks "What kind of people names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot looks at the pair of glowing eyes behind the robber and says, "The same kind of people who names their pitbull Jesus."
P.s. Sorry for sucky English.
Accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie...
He wasn't amused, but he did say, You cracked me Up.
Old jews telling jokes
Two old Jews Shmuel and Moshe are walking down the street and see a sign outside of a church that says:
"Jews, come let us save your soul! Convert and we will give you $50!"
Shmuel and Moshe look at each other, amused by such mishegas, and plot that Moshe should go in, listen to their schtick, and then they can share the money. Shmuel waits for much longer than he expected, he is waiting outside for hours. At last, Moshe comes out and Shmuel says:
"Finally! I at least hope you got the $50 after all that."
Moshe says, "What *is* it about you people and money?"
What comes before bemused?
Amused
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...
**It must have been the delivery.**
The Farmer had an ill-tempered Donkey.
The donkey would refuse to plow the fields and would kick any anyone that came close to him. One unfortunate day, the donkey kicked the farmer's wife, who died from the blow. During the f**..., thousands of men showed up from all over the province. Feeling amused, a neighbor asked the farmer, "Thats a lot of men paying their respects. Was your wife popular back in the day?"
The farmer bursts out laughing and says, "No, they're here to buy the donkey!"
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
There are 11 kinds of people
Those who will get this joke, and be amused
Those who will get this joke, but not be amused
Those who won't get the joke.
Theory of Jumping Fleas
A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.
This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.
And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.
'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'
What did the orange say to the banana?
You look very a-peeling.
Just kidding. You look o*K*.
**The banana, like many of the people reading this, was not amused.**
A chicken and an egg are in bed
A chicken and an egg are in bed together.
The chicken has her arms crossed and is glaring at the egg.
The egg has an amused look on his face and is smoking a cigarette.
After few moments the chicken says:
Well I guess we answered THAT question.
My girlfriend said she's breaking up with me.
When I asked why, she said it was because I talked about video games too much.
She wasn't amused when I informed her it was a dumb thing to Fallout 4.
I decided to try the old yawn and put your arm around them trick
The guy at the u**... next to mine wasn't amused.
I went for a guide through a factory once, but was not amused...
It was a dissatisfactory.
How do you get a Pikachu onto a bus?
You poke 'im on.
(I'm sorry if this has been posted before but I just heard it and was amused)
A mouse found a lion and a fox trapped in two different cages.
The lion begged to the mouse to free it and promised not to eat it.
But then the fox said Lion's lion to you.
Amused by the joke the mouse freed the fox instead.
Just before my wedding, a man gave me some advice on where to hide all my cash
In the oven.
My wife to be wasn't amused
My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...
he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.
We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.
Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician
I tucked my son into bed...
When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."
Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.
A single lady goes to the convenience store a buys : 12 eggs, 1L of milk and a can of fried beans.
When she's about the pay, the clerk looks at her and guesses :
\- "You must be single, right?"
The lady, visibly amused and intrigued, asks back how could he pick that up.
The clerk replies :
\-"Because you are ugly as f\*c**...."
I tried to translate a joke
General ordered soldier to catch a rabbit and make a soup while he is taking a nap. When he woke up he see a bowl of soup on table. Amused General asked soldier how did you catch rabbit in that short time?
Soldier replied I saw a rabbit running around and shot it immediately, it didn't even have a chance to meow
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.
Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."
Salesman's promise
A salesman knocked at the door and a woman answers. The salesman barges in and scatters fresh h**... all around the living room floor and the carpet.
The woman is shocked and her kids are amused.
The salesman confidently says, Do not worry. I am selling this brand new extra power vacuum cleaner. If it cannot clean up all this s**... in 15 mins, I will eat it all myself.
The woman smiles and says, Very well, so would you like some ketchup or salt with it, because the power is out since morning.. .
(An oldie but I am shopping for vacuum cleaners and this joke has been popping up in my mind.)
Obit
Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'. Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'
My wife asked me what that pile of clothes was doing on the floor
I told her it must be a dead Jedi.
She was not amused.
