The Best 36 Amsterdam Jokes

Following is our collection of Amsterdam jokes which are very funny. There are some amsterdam yukon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these amsterdam hamburg puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France.

It's just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.

My friends and I got so high in Amsterdam that we went to a local store and stole a couple of bags of ice....

We took them down to the canal and released them back into the wild.

The Three Barbers

There are three barbershops on a small street in Amsterdam. The first barbershop has a sign saying 'best barber in the town'

The second has a sign saying 'best barber in the world'.

And the third has a sign saying 'best barber on the street'

Im on Drugs ?

Tommy is walking out of customs from his trip back from Amsterdam .

He's stopped by a policeman and his sniffer Dog Rufus

*Bark Bark

Officer : Excuse me sir Rufus here is telling me you're on Drugs

Tommy : Im on Drugs ? you're the one talking to a Dog !

Why can't you barbecue in Amsterdam?

Because the steaks are too high.

What did Sting get in Amsterdam?

A massage in a brothel


A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience.

Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.

A tourist in Amsterdam sees a prostitute in a window

He taps on the glass and says "How much?"

"Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds.

"Wow! I never realized it was so expensive"

"Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"

Amsterdam is like a tour de France

- it's full of people on bikes and drugs.

Heard this last weekend while visiting Amsterdam

Top Amsterdam Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore amsterdam prostitute reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amsterdam rightfully dad jokes. There are also amsterdam puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How easy is it to get stoned in Amsterdam?

It's a piece of cake.

Prostitutes in Amsterdam are very demanding...

The last one I went with made me wash my Old Man in the sink!

Can't even remember why I took Dad in the first place.

I used to find window shopping depressing.....

then I visited Amsterdam.

I hate it when people say Amsterdam is only for smoking weed.

I mean c'mon, there's prostitutes too!

I had my stag do in Amsterdam. To remember the occasion my mates got me a sweater.

I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, however.

Amsterdam, 26 October1942, about tea time.

Mr Frank - "Shhhh Quiet everybody ... the Germans are coming".

Anne Frank - "I am too"

Why is weed legal in Amsterdam?

Because need to get high xD land is far down so the water almost touches them

Why is it so hard to find a priest in Amsterdam?

They're all high priests.

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal.

Let me rephrase that -- I was just vacationing in Amsterdam BECAUSE prostitution is legal.

If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam.

It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.

Amsterdam - have sex and get stoned.

Saudi Arabia - have sex and get stoned.

I hear Metallica have an upcoming show in Amsterdam

"We're off to Nether-netherlands"

What's the difference between a drug-addict in Amsterdam and a homosexual in Iran?

Only one gets stoned and lives.

What do you call a chevalier from Amsterdam?

A knight of the highest order.

What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands?

An Amsterdam Hamster Dam

I got stoned in Saudi Arabia

Got to say it was less enjoyable than it was in Amsterdam


In Amsterdam you get stoned and have sex.

In dubai you habe sex and get stoned.

Why did the cryptographer go to Amsterdam?

Because he wanted a stronger hash

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I didn't pay €50 in Amsterdam to have a lentil on my face.

My ex girlfriend moved to Amsterdam.

Now I see her in a new light.

I went to Amsterdam and decided to visit the red light district...

In one of the back alleys I met a man who asked "Looking for a good night"

I replied yes, so he gave me his offer

"My ordinary prostitutes all cost 1cent a go, but my finest are beyond money. They will cost you your arm and leg.

I thought about this and finally said

"If your finest women cost an arm and a leg, I'd a penny for your thots..."

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

I recently visited Amsterdam

I couldn't believe all the signs pointing to Ann Frank's house.

No wonder the Nazi's were able to find her.

I didn't tell anybody but I volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for C-19 in Amsterdam

I received my first shot today and wanted to let you all know that it's completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно

A woman and her wealthy lover traveled across Europe

They started their tryst in Amsterdam, before traveling to Barcelona, then Cologne, and Dublin. After months of travel and steamy sex, they ended in Zurich.

It was a sorted affair.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the amsterdam residence jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working amsterdam town piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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