Amputees Jokes

Following is our collection of limbless humor and prosthetic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amputees puns for adults, dirty bionic jokes or clean crutches gags for kids.

There is an abundance of amputee jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 33 funniest jokes on amputees. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any amputation witze you can hear about amputees.

The Best jokes about Amputees

I sell prosthetics to midgets who are amputees...

I'm a small arms dealer.

What type of fighting technique do amputees practice?

Partial arts.

I wanted to learn about amputees on Wikipedia

But I didn't learn much, because the article was a stub.

Where do amputees like to shop?

The second hand store.

Where do amputees get prosthetics on a budget?

The Secondhand store.

Why are double amputees always wrong?

Because they don't have a leg to stand on.

Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.

Double leg amputees are the worst...

...I can't stand them

Why are amputees so good at road trips?

They're always on the last leg.

I want you to know I'm not racist...

Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.

However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.

What do you call an army of amputees?

The unarmed forces

Why are amputees the easiest to subdue?

They're always unarmed

Amputees will not find this joke funny:

Actually, I'm going to cut this joke short.

So what do you do?

*I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*

So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?

*I prefer international arms dealer.*

Amputees can be pretty stubborn.

You've really got to hand it to them.

I feel really bad for amputees.

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to stand having no legs.

How can you tell if amputees are vegan?

They lack toes.

A group of amputees have escaped after a violent bank robbery,

one armed and dangerous.

What's the difference between somebody who doesn't drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Amputees anonymous

I really don't like toe amputees

I'm lack toes intolerant

What is an amputees favorite movie?


I'm starting a clothing company for people missing limbs. The name you ask?


What do you call it when two hand amputees high five eachother?

A stump bump.

I hate how people treat amputees differently.

Just because they're missing a limb or two doesn't make them any less of a person.

What do amputees and cricket have in common?


I just can't stand amputees...

I guess i am lacktoes intolerant.

I don't like foot amputees.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Double amputees must be real bad at arguments.

After all, they don't have one leg to stand on

I have a fetish for amputees

I just can't get enough of them

Amputees in love this Christmas

Are you excited to kiss under the mistlestump?

Why are arm amputees always sad?

They don't have a shoulder to cry on.

Is it just me that thinks amputees are really


A blind comedian goes to a hospital to do a gig.

He notices no one is laughing at his act, but he continues singing, If you're happy and you know it...

The room was full of arm amputees.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes