Amputee Jokes

• Short Amputee Jokes
• Amputee One Liners
• Arm Amputee Jokes
• Leg Amputee Jokes
• More Amputee Jokes

Funniest Amputee Short Jokes

Short amputee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amputee humour may include short amputated jokes also.

1. If you watch 127 Hours backwards It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
2. An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
   On the other, they don't really help.
3. My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg. It's just a stocking filler
4. Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.
   (H/T Demetri Martin)
5. As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost. He said an arm and a leg.
6. If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs? An amputee.
7. What do you call a stripper who works with amputees? A stump grinder
8. What really offends amputees? Off-handed comments.
9. I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
10. Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic. "Everybody put your hand up!"

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Amputee One Liners

Which amputee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amputee? I can suggest the ones about amputated arm and amputated toe.

1. What do you call an amputee trying to do karate? Partial Arts.
2. Most of us are 2 feet away from being a double amputee...
3. Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed
4. What do you call an amputee learning karate? Partial arts
5. I married an amputee last week She single handedly changed my life
6. An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.
7. What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts
8. What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
9. Saw an amputee in the gym today.. Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
10. So I phoned the Amputee Hotline the other day I got cut-off.
11. So a quadriplegic amputee went... Absolutely nowhere.
12. I sell prosthetics to midgets who are amputees... I'm a small arms dealer.
13. Why was a man kicked out of the Amputee ward? He was armed.
14. What type of fighting technique do amputees practice? Partial arts.
15. Where do amputee's go out to eat? IHop.

Arm Amputee Jokes

Here is a list of funny arm amputee jokes and even better arm amputee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A double amputee walks into a Communist prosthetic's shop and says... Two arms, Comrade.
• I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul.
• I always wanted to be an amputee but it's way to expensive. I hear it cost an arm or a leg
• I am reading an autobiography of a double amputee… It's called A farewell To Arms .
• What do you call an amputee with a gun? Armed.
• An arm amputee bought a wooden cupboard from IKEA which was sent to his home for his self assembly. Needless to say, he was stumped.
• What to you call a Guitarist with no arms? An Amputee.
• Why did the Amputee Buy a Gun? He Wanted to be Armed.
• What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for? Amputee
• So what do you do? *I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*
  So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
  *I prefer international arms dealer.*

Leg Amputee Jokes

Here is a list of funny leg amputee jokes and even better leg amputee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends. It was quite the faux paw.
• Why are double amputees always wrong? Because they don't have a leg to stand on.
  Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.
• Double leg amputees are the worst... ...I can't stand them
• Don't believe anything double amputees say. They don't have a leg to stand on.
• Why are amputees so good at road trips? They're always on the last leg.
• What is a double amputee's favorite video game? League of Leg ends.
• What did the amputee chemist say as he attached his new leg? Neon.
• I feel really bad for amputees. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to stand having no legs.
• How did an amputee cat regrow a leg after falling of a building? Well, we all know that a cat always lands on all fours.
• As a recent amputee I would like to ask, who knew that car accidents really DID cost an arm and a leg?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Amputee Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about amputee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean legs amputated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amputee pranks.