Amputee Jokes

Funniest Amputee Short Jokes

Short amputee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amputee humour may include short paraplegic jokes also.

1. If you watch 127 Hours backwards It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
2. An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
   On the other, they don't really help.
3. Today I witnessed an amputee being hanged. I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.
   (H/T Demetri Martin)
4. As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost. He said an arm and a leg.
5. If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs? An amputee.
6. I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
7. I wanted to learn about amputees on Wikipedia But I didn't learn much, because the article was a stub.
8. My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends. It was quite the faux paw.
9. Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction? Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.
10. What do you call a quadruple amputee waiting by your door? Matt

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Amputee One Liners

Which amputee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amputee? I can suggest the ones about prosthetic leg and missing leg.

1. What do you call an amputee trying to do karate? Partial Arts.
2. Most of us are 2 feet away from being a double amputee...
3. Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed
4. I married an amputee last week She single handedly changed my life
5. An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.
6. So I phoned the Amputee Hotline the other day I got cut-off.
7. Why was a man kicked out of the Amputee ward? He was armed.
8. What type of fighting technique do amputees practice? Partial arts.
9. Where do amputee's go out to eat? IHop.
10. What do you call a stripper who works with amputees? A stump grinder
11. What really offends amputees? Off-handed comments.
12. Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic. "Everybody put your hand up!"
13. What is an amputee's least favorite song? If you're happy and you know it clap your hands
14. What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles? Stumped
15. Where do amputees like to shop? The second hand store.

Arm Amputee Jokes

Here is a list of funny arm amputee jokes and even better arm amputee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A double amputee walks into a Communist prosthetic's shop and says... Two arms, Comrade.
• I was about to be given a yellow card for punching another player in the face, but then the ref noticed I was an amputee. No arm, no foul.
• I always wanted to be an amputee but it's way to expensive. I hear it cost an arm or a leg
• I am reading an autobiography of a double amputee… It's called A farewell To Arms .
• What do you call an amputee with a gun? Armed.
• An arm amputee bought a wooden cupboard from IKEA which was sent to his home for his self assembly. Needless to say, he was stumped.
• What to you call a Guitarist with no arms? An Amputee.
• Why did the Amputee Buy a Gun? He Wanted to be Armed.
• What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for? Amputee
• So what do you do? *I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*
  So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
  *I prefer international arms dealer.*

Leg Amputee Jokes

Here is a list of funny leg amputee jokes and even better leg amputee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why are amputees so good at road trips? They're always on the last leg.
• What is a double amputee's favorite video game? League of Leg ends.
• What did the amputee chemist say as he attached his new leg? Neon.
• I feel really bad for amputees. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to stand having no legs.
• How did an amputee cat regrow a leg after falling of a building? Well, we all know that a cat always lands on all fours.
• As a recent amputee I would like to ask, who knew that car accidents really DID cost an arm and a leg?
• Did you hear about the amputee debate team? They almost won the championship, but it turns out their argument didn't have a leg to stand on.
• What do you call a single leg amputee archer? Legolas
• What's the best cosplay for a leg amputee? Legolas
• Did you hear the Quadruple amputee's joke? Since no one lent him a hand in making it, it didn't have a leg to stand on

Gather Around for Heartwarming Amputee Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about amputee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one legged man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amputee pranks.