Following is our collection of Amputee jokes which are very funny. There are some amputee amputate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these amputee crutches puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
She didn't answer, I guess she was stumped.
Cancer.
I'm like the optimistic amputee who always starts his day off on the right foot.
I got cut-off.
Absolutely nowhere.
...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).
I can't hold a note. I can't carry a tune.
and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."
Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed.
You stumped me!
Because he was unarmed
You can explore amputee quadriplegic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amputee gonzalez dad jokes. There are also amputee puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Stumped
He got off on the wrong foot
She single handedly changed my life
You've really got to hand it to them.
Because they don't have a leg to stand on.
Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.
I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.
Amputee
Armageddon.
Actually, I'm going to cut this joke short.
Boy did it leave him stumped
Look ma, no hands!
It was secondhand.
I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.
(H/T Demetri Martin)
No arm, no foul.
Having an imaginary girlfriend.
An ampu-tee.
On one hand it has its benefits, but on the oth-
It was just a bit of 'armless fun.
clap your hand!
Everyone in the joint called him 'E'. He had been drinking there for a few years every single one of the locals knew him. Apparently he used to be the strongest guy in the town
"Ya know, I can still arm wrestle with the best of them" E said.
To which I replied
"you and what arm, E?"
It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
It was quite the faux paw.
It was out of hand.
Guess its really insensitive to ask an amputee that.
Luckily he was unarmed
"Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Found her on StubHub.
He really couldn't hold his drink.
An amputee missing his left arm and left leg walks up to a stranger and shouts, I lost my left arm and left leg!!! .
The stranger looks at him, unsure what to make of this interaction, and says, All-righty then.
They're always on the last leg.
Partial Arts.
"Everybody put your hand up!"
"Look ma, no hands!"
Because he couldn't hold a note or carry a tune!
Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."
On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
On the other, they don't really help.
Stumped.
Because he couldn't hold his drink.
The Secondhand store.
In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
They lack toes.
If he lacks toes!
50% off lap dances.
The second hand store.
Russell.
About a foot shorter than the tallest man.
He Wanted to be Armed.
Neon.
They're always unarmed
I could never fill her ex's shoes.
Needless to say, he was stumped.
He said an arm and a leg.
He was armed.
It didn't feel right, so I left.
I guess you could say he got stumped.
Well, we all know that a cat always lands on all fours.
.... and amputee leaves the theater, but comes back and shows you his ticket, is it wrong to say to him "I'm glad you saved your stub" ?
He said his specialty was stumps
Armed.
He did it single handedly
To buy second hand
It's just a stocking filler
Partial Arts
An Amputee.
Army Men
Matt
Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.
They must've gotten the wrong guy, he's definitely unarmed
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the amputee limbless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working amputee stubhub piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.