Following is our collection of quadriplegic humor and amputate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amputee puns for adults, dirty gonzalez jokes or clean crutches gags for kids.
There is an abundance of limbless jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 80 funniest jokes on amputee. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any stubhub witze you can hear about amputee.
Partial Arts.
It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
Because he was unarmed
She single handedly changed my life
On one hand, they are good for cold weather.
On the other, they don't really help.
It was secondhand.
and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."
Couldn't help but wonder if he skips on leg day.
I got cut-off.
Absolutely nowhere.
Cancer.
I tried to save him, but yelled out all the wrong letters.
(H/T Demetri Martin)
He was armed.
He said an arm and a leg.
An amputee missing his left arm and left leg walks up to a stranger and shouts, I lost my left arm and left leg!!! .
The stranger looks at him, unsure what to make of this interaction, and says, All-righty then.
In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
"Everybody put your hand up!"
Stumped
It was quite the faux paw.
The second hand store.
About a foot shorter than the tallest man.
Stumped.
Everyone in the joint called him 'E'. He had been drinking there for a few years every single one of the locals knew him. Apparently he used to be the strongest guy in the town
"Ya know, I can still arm wrestle with the best of them" E said.
To which I replied
"you and what arm, E?"
Luckily he was unarmed
It was out of hand.
Look ma, no hands!
The Secondhand store.
No arm, no foul.
...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).
Because they don't have a leg to stand on.
Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.
Found her on StubHub.
She didn't answer, I guess she was stumped.
He really couldn't hold his drink.
I can't hold a note. I can't carry a tune.
They're always on the last leg.
I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.
Armed.
They're always unarmed
Needless to say, he was stumped.
He did it single handedly
Guess its really insensitive to ask an amputee that.
Boy did it leave him stumped
Because he couldn't hold his drink.
He Wanted to be Armed.
Actually, I'm going to cut this joke short.
Amputee
He got off on the wrong foot
If he lacks toes!
.... and amputee leaves the theater, but comes back and shows you his ticket, is it wrong to say to him "I'm glad you saved your stub" ?
"Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
He crawls over to the tree and tears in to the wrapping with his teeth. The paper flies everywhere as the present is revealed.
"Not another hat..."
You've really got to hand it to them.
I guess you could say he got stumped.
Neon.
50% off lap dances.
He said his specialty was stumps
It didn't feel right, so I left.
Russell.
They lack toes.
clap your hand!
I'm like the optimistic amputee who always starts his day off on the right foot.
Because he couldn't hold a note or carry a tune!
On one hand it has its benefits, but on the oth-
Well, we all know that a cat always lands on all fours.
I could never fill her ex's shoes.
He had already been completely defeeted.
Police released the man soon after they discovered he was unarmed.
who knew that car accidents really DID cost an arm and a leg?
"Look ma, no hands!"
You stumped me!
It was just a bit of 'armless fun.
Armageddon.
An ampu-tee.
Having an imaginary girlfriend.
The head
"I lost my left arm and left leg!!!"
The stranger says, "My god what a tragedy!"
The amputee says; "I'm all right."
An amputee.
Stumped.
Stumps
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.