The Best 44 Amnesia Jokes

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...

A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station. The police are trying everything to learn where she came from and how she got the bruises but with no results.

Finally one of the detectives notices she has a wedding ring.

"Oh! You have a husband! What does he do?"

"I dunno, beats me."

how can you tell if you have amnesia?

what was the question?

Mess with someone's mind

Make your day more fun by going up
to a stranger and asking "Hey, how
have you been since the amnesia?"

2 years ago, this day, I was diagnosed with Amnesia. This is my story.

Doctors have discovered that breast cancer may cause amnesia.

After all, mastectomy would result in mammary loss.

Ive been stupid enough to develop amnesia...

I dont know what i was thinking .....

~~*ba dum tissss*~~

Sexual amnesia

Being new parents my wife and usually have our sexy times while extremely tired. This results in one or more parties not fully remembering the previous nights events. So here is the conversation I had with my wife today.

W - do you remember having sex last night?

M - only the last 30 seconds or so

W - you remember the whole thing then...

I laughed so hard I couldn't even be mad.

I stayed up all night...

Trying to remember if I had amnesia or insomnia

An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

I think my wife is suffering from Bulimic Amnesia

She keeps eating and eating and eating, and then forgetting to throw up

What are the symptoms of amnesia?

I can't remember

How do you host an amnesia support group on a budget?

The moment they show up, tell them the meeting went great and their speech was inspiring.

An Amnesiac Walks Into…

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, So, do I come here often?

You know what they say about amnesia...

No, really. Do you know?

My mom says she dropped me as a baby and got temporary amnesia

What a liar I think I'd remember something so huge about my life.

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.

There is no cure.

An amnesiac walks into a bar.

I forgot the rest.

I've had amnesia...

for as long as I can't remember

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you, one is that you have worst diarrhoea I have ever seen.
Patient: what's the other one then?
Doctor: you also have very bad amnesia, you can't remember anything from last 15 seconds.
Patient: well at least I don't have diarrhoea.

I wrote a book on Italians diagnosed with Dementia...

It's called "fogettaboudit"

I also wrote a book about Italians being diagnosed with Amnesia,

I called that one "fogottaboudit"

I've just been diagnosed with amnesia

It's awful, but at least I don't have amnesia!

A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia

And asks, "doctor what should I do?"

Doctor replies, "pay me first."

How many amnesiacs does it take to change a light bulb?

How many amnesiacs does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

Did you hear about the lady with breast cancer and amnesia?

She has mammary problems.

My memory foam mattress broke yesterday...

It has amnesia

One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?"

She replies: "Beats me".

I used to have terrible amnesia.

I used to have terrible amnesia.

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He saddles up to the hottest woman there and says...

..."so, do I come here often?"

Oldie but a goodie.

What's an amnesiac pirate's favorite type of flower?

Forget-me-knots

What did the arrogant rich kid with amnesia say to the bouncer at a bar?

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!

I couldn't sleep last night..

.. because I was trying to remember the difference between insomnia and amnesia.

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia

I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

Doctor: Sir, I think you are suffering from amnesia

Man: Yeah, and I think that girl over there likes me
Doc: Yeah, she's your wife

An amnesiac walks into a bar

He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, "So, do I come here often?"

A man with amnesia walks into a bar

He goes up to a very attractive woman and says' do I come here often?

There's this joke I know about amnesia

I forgot it

I have amnesia

It's the only reason I find this sub consistently funny

Amnesia is no joke

Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.

Ah yes, I forgot it!

Sometimes I experience both amnesia and dejà vu at the same time, and I'm like:"Yep, I've forgotten this before ".

I lost part of my hand in a freak accident that also gave me amnesia

I'm trying to remember what happened, but I can't put my finger on it

I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time

I think I've forgotten this before

I was going to tell a joke about amnesia

But i can't remember it

My wife just told me she has amnesia

Who does she think she is?!