Following is our collection of pistol humor and shotgun one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Ammo puns for adults, dirty rifle jokes or clean caliber gags for kids.
There is an abundance of troop jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on ammo. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any firearm witze you can hear about ammo.
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a pistol in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber pistol here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo
the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified
He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"
A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"
I guess they didn't like it when i used a knife to save ammo.
Apparently you can't use a knife to conserve ammo
... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"
A guy walks into a crowded bar holding a pistol and yells I have a 45 caliber colt 1911 with one in the chamber and I wanna know who's been sleeping with my wife .
A voice from the back of the room yells
You're going to need more ammo
A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells out loud, "I have a 1911 with 7 rounds and 1 in the chamber! I heard the man who was sleeping with my wife hangs out here! Where is he!?" From the back of the bar a man shouts out, "You're gonna need more ammo!"
The deputy doing the interview says, "Well all of your referrences check out and your qualifications are good. The only thing left is to see how you do on the attitude test."
The deputy slides a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk. "Take this and go shoot 6 illegal Mexicans, 6 black guys, 6 Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
The guy asks, "Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude!", says the deputy. "When can you start?"
From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.
From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes bang bang
This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.
A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. Hey Muhammad! You run out of ammo?
Yeah!
Well come on over, i'll sell you some!
A man walked into a crowded bar waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a colt 45 model 1911 with a seven round magazine plus one in the chamber and I want to know who is sleeping with my wife!"
A voice yelled from the back of the bar, "You're gonna need more ammo!"
A man walks into the local sporting goods store with the hopes of purchasing some ammunition, as he has every Saturday for the past two months (with nothing but bare shelves), despite the recent shortage. Much to the man's luck, the store just received a large shipment of ammo that morning and he is the first customer in line. Knowing he had to take advantage of the opportunity, he buys 2,000 rounds each of .45's and 9mm's. Happy that he was finally able to find some ammo, he loads his purchase into the back of his pick-up truck and heads to the range. On the way, he stops at a gas station to fill up. A beautiful, buxom blonde pulls up next to him and notices the thousands of rounds of ammo in his truck bed. Well aware of the ammo shortage, and being an avid shooter herself, she decides to offer the man a proposition: "I couldn't help but notice all the ammo in the back of your truck," she purrs, "how about we trade some ammo for a little sex?" The man considers her offer, knowing his previous difficulty. "Sure", he says, "what kind of ammo you got?"
**How to install a southern home security system**
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 15 men's work boots, and place them on your porch with a copy of *Guns & Ammo* magazine.
2. Place four of the biggest dog bowls you can find on the porch next to the boots and magazines.
3. Leave a note on the door that reads:
Bubba,
Me, Jimbo and Buck went to get more beer and ammo. Be back in a bit. Don't mess with the pitbulls, they got the mailman real bad yesterday. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, locked 'em all in the house, so you better wait outside. Be right back.
-Cooter
when all of the sudden, Private Smith runs out of ammo. He yells over for his Sergeant for some more, when the Sergeant throws him a stick. "What am I supposed to do with this?!" Smith yells angrily. In a joking manner, the Sergeant replies "Point it at the enemy, and yell BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!!
Private Smith mutters "You've gotta be kidding" but just to prove his Sergeant is an idiot, he does it. An enemy soldier comes up, he points the stick at him and yells BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY. Enemy dies. Smith thinks "There's no way that worked, someone else must have shot him, let me try it again." BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! Another soldier goes down. Bewildered, he does it again, and again, with great success. Private Smith kills many people in this manner, and he begins to get very cocky.
His platoon is patrolling a rural road, when they get ambushed, and Private Smith knows that to do. BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!! BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! BANGITY BANGITY BANGI-AAAAGGGHHHH! He starts writhing on the ground in immense pain. His Sergeant pulls him to safety and asks whats wrong. Smith replies "Somebody yelled tankity tankity tankity"
Got another concealed carry pistol yesterday.
In the afternoon, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.
When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!
As an intelligent senior citizen, I do not get flustered often. But this time, it took me a while to get my pants back on.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.
I still don't think I looked that bad!
A depressed man is walking on the street muttering: "Out of milk, out of eggs, out of meat..."
A member of the police force approaches him: "Shut up or I'll wack you across the head with my gun."
"...Out of ammo"
A angry guy enters in a bar with an assault rifle in his hands. When they saw him, every customers went silent in fear. The angry guy screamed : " where is the guy that slept with me wife?!? " Every customer stared at each other, then started laughing. "What's so funny?", asked the one holding the gun. A customer at the back of the back then yelled : "No chances you have enough ammo in there! "
The paintball arena staff threw me out for some reason.
As both engage the enemy the Jewish soldier is struck with a bullet and mortally wounded.
The Russian soldier continues to return fire and hold back the enemy, eventually however his ammo is spent.
He looks to his Jewish comrade and says I cannot hold them back, I'm out of ammunition
The Jew, struggling to keep his eyes open motions the Russian over. Here he says you can buy some of mine .
Entering he waves it in the air shouting
"This is a 8 round loaded 1911, now tell me who slept with my wife!"
Shortly after you hear a yelling from the background.
"YOU NEED MORE AMMO!"
And yells "Who slept with my wife!? I'm gunna shoot that motherfuc***!"
A guy in the back yells back
"You're gunna need more ammo!"
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo.
On the way home I stopped at the gas station and this drop dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump...
She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice,
"I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"
I thought it over for a few seconds and responded.....
"Well, maybe, but just what kind of ammo do you have?
That's why they used common core standards.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual
"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal
"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon
"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop
On Ammozon
He said, "It's ah.. ahh.. an-an-allergy"
I said, "no, simile".
"Grandma to some, mother-in-law to others. Better pass me that box of ammo over there, son".
It was irrational.
Anything you want. He can't afford ammo.
He yells: "Who slept with my wife?!"
The barman says: "Are you crazy?! You'll not have enough ammo!"
I said, "Lieutenant, we are surrounded and running low on ammo. I don't think now is the right time for equipment maintenance."
Ok guys I need some ammo for my ongoing age war with my business partner. So, I need your help. Here's a few I've used to get you started.
I'm not saying you're old, but I did hear that Moses owes u $20.
You know it's bad when dirt sees you and says, "now that's old!!"
What was it like to meet Lincoln?
(I thought about changing that to "shoot Lincoln," but I don't wanna start any new conspiracy theories)
Because there are a lot of documents with bullets in schools.
A man in the back of the bar shouts back, You don't have enough ammo
NPCs give you health and ammo.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.