Amish Jokes
115 amish jokes and hilarious amish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about amish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Hailing from a culture steeped in simplicity and communal living, Amish communities have a unique lifestyle that can spark some gentle humor. Our compilation of respectful Amish jokes is perfect for sharing at social events, during cultural discussions, or injecting lightheartedness into conversations about the Amish way of life. It's essential to approach these jokes with respect and understanding, using humor as a shared platform to appreciate cultural differences and similarities without crossing boundaries.
Let us embark on this journey of cultural humor together, taking a horse-drawn buggy ride towards a community where traditional values meet modern laughter. Remember, true humor bridges cultures, it does not divide them, so let's chuckle responsibly.
Funniest Amish Short Jokes
Short amish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amish humour may include short neigh jokes also.
- We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.
- Coolio died today. He was shocked when he got to the Pearly Gates and realized It was indeed an Amish paradise.
- What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? "Shomething'sh Amish..."
- What goes, "Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klip klop, Klip klop, Bang, Bang, Bang, Klippty klop, Klippty klop, Klippty klop," An Amish drive by shooting.
- What was the punishment for the Amish boy who went streaking at school? He got suspendered.
- My parents said I don't have to come home until the street lights come on but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don't love me
- When Amish kids go on a field trip… do they just go to a different field?
- What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'? An Amish drive-by
- How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite.
- Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy.
Share These Amish Jokes With Friends
Amish One Liners
Which amish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amish? I can suggest the ones about promiscuous and farmhouse.
- Amish men can't motorboat their wives. They can only row boat them.
- Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown.
- I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week... He never called me back.
- I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day
- What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.
- What's an Amish person's favourite type of raisin? barn raisin'
- I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish I can't wait till they see it
- What does it take to please an Amish woman? Two Mennonite.
- Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite.
- How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb? What's a light bulb?
- Why was the young Amish woman banished from her community? Two Mennonite
- What was the Amish woman's wildest fantasy? Two Mennonite.
- Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.
- How do you make an Amish woman happy? 3 Mennonite.
- clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting.
Two Amish Jokes
Here is a list of funny two amish jokes and even better two amish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the Amish girl excommunicated? Two Mennonite
-Christopher Hitchins - What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy? Two or three Mennonite
- How many men does it take to satisfy an Amish woman? Two Mennonite
- What's the best way to get an Amish girl pregnant? Two mennonite..
- How do you please an Amish woman? Give her two Mennonite
- What is an Amish woman's biggest fantasy? Two Mennonite.
(This joke is literally a hundred years old and makes me chuckle every time I get to tell it. Probably a repost. Don't care.) - How do you keep an Amish woman happy? Two Mennonite...
- What is every Amish woman's dream? Two Mennonite.
- How do you keep an amish girl happy? Two men a night.
- Did you hear about the Amish woman? She had two mennonite that drove her buggy
Amish Beard Jokes
Here is a list of funny amish beard jokes and even better amish beard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They don't bury an Amish man with his beard. They bury him with shovels.
Gather Around for Fun Amish Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about amish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean buggy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amish pranks.
Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin?
A barn raisin.
An Amish family visits a mall...
...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".
Amish h**...
What's an Amish h**... do?
Ten Mennonite!
(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)
Why should you always invite Amish people to a party?
They know how to raise the roof.
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Amish jokes
Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite
I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter
An Amish couple go to the city
So an Amish man and woman head to the big city for the first time. When they book they hotel the see that they are on the 8th floor.
A they head towards the elevator they see a hideous woman get in and go to the top floor. When the elevator comes back down a beautiful woman gets out.
When the man sees this he tells his wife "quick, get in the elevator!"
Why don't the Amish waterski?
The horses would drown.
Ba-dum TISH
What do all Amish women want?
2 Mennonite.
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's t**.... That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
There is rumor of a new "Amish Flu" out of Pennsylvania...
the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy.
How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball?
It's skirts versus shins.
Saw some Mennonites playing Baseball yesterday
All I saw was a swing and Amish
Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?
Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet
How much business does an Amish p**... get?
Ten Mennonite
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call a group of Amish children?
Amlets.
(I'll see myself out)
Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her community?
Too Mennonite
[AMA request]
A person living in an electricity-free Amish community.
Why are Jews and the Amish so similar?
Neither like cooking with gas.
What goes "clip clip BANG"
What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..."
An Amish drive-by shooting.
Did you hear about the s**... Amish girl?
She slept with two Mennonite.
Why couldn't the Amish go waterskiing?
Because the horses might drown.
I slept with an Amish girl last night.
I don't think I'll call her.
What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior?
"Hmm, something's Amish here."
What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common?
They both shower after the third period.
The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate
Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.
What do Amish people call their children?
Omelets
I have a f**... for Amish women.
Best part about it?
They don't expect you to call the next day!
An Amish family went to the city for the first time ever.
They went to a mall. The Amish man saw an old woman get into an elevator. He observed with curiosity as he had never seen anything like it before. Two minutes later, a young beautiful woman came out of the same elevator.
The Amish man turned to his son and said
"go get your mother!"
Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...
The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"
SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"
FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"
Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.
One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.
The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"
"These potatoes remind me of my husband's t**...." replied the first woman.
"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.
"No, that dirty."
How does a promiscuous Amish woman measure her s**... escapades?
In Mennonite.
You hear about the Amish p**...?
She slept with 10 Mennonite
New research
Shows Amish people have lower rates of cyber bullying
What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day?
Amish you.
What do you call a man with his hands up a horse's b**...?
An Amish Mechanic.
What goes clippity-clop bang, clippity-clop bang, clippity-clop bang?
An Amish drive by.
Amish Farmer
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.
The Amish farmer shouts:
'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have sh-t in it.')
The kneeling man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English.'
The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more
What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop
An Amish drive by shooting
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand down a horse's t**...?
A mechanic.
Congratulations, your ears hang as low as an Amish person's.
But can you tie a Mennonite?
What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang?
An amish drive-by shooting
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?
They keep falling off the wagon.
Two Amish women...
Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's t**... .
Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???
Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.
An Amish joke for you...
What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, silence....?
A drive-by shunning
What are Amish children called?
Omelettes.
Meanwhile, in Pennsylvania
Q. What goes "Clip, Clop, Clip, Clop, BANG!! ClipClopClipClopClipClopClipClop"
A. An Amish drive-by shooting
How does an Amish girl know....
... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?
Today I was in a home with no internet.
Something was Amish
You have to admire Amish people for their great sense of self-derision. You can find tons of jokes making fun of them on Reddit...
But you never see one of them writing a disapproving comment below.
An Amish family goes to a mall for the first time
And of course they are overwhelmed. The man stands in front of an elevator, puzzled what this contraption may be. He watches a very heavyset woman enter it, the doors close and the elevator goes up, and as it returns, a young, beautiful woman emerges.
"What is that, Pa?", little Joshua wants to know.
"Never mind, son, but go get your mom here, quick!"
There is a group of Amish engineers who created the hardware and software for a small self-driving horseless carriage.
It's a little buggy.
Amish girls have no way of knowing
if it's a romantic candle light dinner or just a regular dinner.
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time
They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"
