Amis Jokes
73 amis jokes and hilarious amis puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about amis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Amis Short Jokes
Short amis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amis humour may include short amazement jokes also.
- When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian... Nobody's laughing now.
- One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern. Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.
- Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer? The hitman warned him, Don't get any funny ideas!
- So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today. That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.
- What do you hear right before watching an hour-long compilation of different comedians' jokes? Please welcome Amy Schumer.
- Had to stop following Business Insider for the headline: "Amy Schumer's new comedy movie is shockingly awful" I can't trust anybody who finds that shocking.
- I don't care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented. I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.
- If people are going to just keep reposting jokes The we should rename this sub Amy Schumer.
- Amy Schumer is so unpopular now No one has even bothered to repost the two cannibals joke in months.
- World is Flat. "World is Flat". Jhonny said.
"How can you say that without any proof, Jhonny?" Amy replied.
"You're my world, Amy", he replied.
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Amis One Liners
Which amis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amis? I can suggest the ones about silver and elevator.
- What do you call a woman who's really good at darts? Amy
- Who is Greta Thunbergs favorite comedian. Amy schumer because she recycles all her jokes!
- Kim Kardashian, pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar. They set it lower.
- Maybe the end of Amy Schumer's new show is really funny. I guess nobody will ever know.
- Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke? Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.
- The most attractive part of Amy Schumer is.... Her Gravitational pull.
- What does the f in Amy Schumer stand for? Funny
- Congratulations to Amy Winehouse For being sober one year.
- I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse on almost 4 years of sobriety.
- did anybody see that hilarious Amy schumer bit? me neither
- Amy Winehouse has become a real inspiration for me She's going on 6 years sober now.
- Why is Conan's guest's face blurred-out? Oh. Never mind. It isn't. It's just Amy Schumer.
- What's a whale's worst nightmare? Being compared to Amy Schumer
- One day sister told me she has a crush on Amy Poehler I think she might be bi-Poehler
- What did amy winehouse have in common with the Ghostbusters? They both downed spirits.
Uproarious Amis Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about amis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean comrade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amis pranks.
Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?
Two Mennonite
-Christopher Hitchins
What does it take to please an Amish woman?
Two Mennonite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amish h**...
What's an Amish h**... do?
Ten Mennonite!
(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)
Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)
The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and reads a good book, then returns home and gives his wife a passionate kiss. *That* is savoir faire!"
The second gentleman admires the amber color in his glass, puffs on his pipe and says, "No, no, here's what it is. A man comes home from work early. He heads up to his bedroom, opens the door, and he sees his wife in bed with another man. He waves nonchalantly and graciously says, '*continuez, monsieur!*' and walks around the block for an hour or two, smelling the crisp autumn evening. That, my friends, is savoir faire."
The third man rests his glass on the table and says, "Gentlemen. You've found yourself in a familiar situation. A glance across a crowded room, an accidental touch of the hand, and suddenly you're in bed with a woman you've just met. You hear footfalls on the stairs. The door opens and the woman's husband enters. He puts on his hat, gives a nonchalant wave of his hand and graciously says, '*continuez monsieur!*' And you are *able* to continue. That is savoir faire!"
Have you ever been to an Amish party?
Those guys really raise the roof!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?
Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.
An Amish joke.
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walks up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could
move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse
order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old
blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."
Amish jokes
Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite
I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
What did the Amish man say to the hipster?
Poser
What do all Amish women want?
2 Mennonite.
What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?
Mennonitis!
I am a Amish man with no access to the internet, AMA
Did you even read the title?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Amish women are walking down the street.
Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A h**... comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the Amish p**... shunned?
Because she was up to three Mennonite.
The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms....
To help stop the spread of Abes.
An Amish Woman Discovers An Elevator
There was this elderly, Amish woman who went with her family to a mall for the first time in their lives. The whole family was mesmerized by the hundreds of stores, the lights, the food court. And then, for the first time in her life, the Amish woman saw an elevator. She watched as an elderly man approached the elevator doors and entered. The doors closed. A minute later, the doors opened and a guy looking like George Clooney stepped out. She saw another old guy get on, and, a minute later, out came a Matt Damon look-alike. A third old man went in and out came a Ryan Gosling-type man. She called to her daughter, "Quick, go get your father."
What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer?
It was a bit buggy.
An Amish man misses his Jewish friend. He says...
Amish Jew!
Where do Amish people go to get medicine?
To the farmacy.
A Amish scientist...
What do the Amish call a horse with gas?
Air conditioning.
How do you keep an amish girl happy?
Two men a night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Amish women eat watermelon with their p**... off?
To keep the flies off their watermelon!
When an Amish buggy breaks down on the side of the road, who do they call?
Triple Hay
Why did the Amish guy return his new carriage?
It looked really nice, but it was buggy.
When an Amish screws up
He made amishtake.
The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate
Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.
What did the Amish man say to his ex girlfriend?
Amish you a lot.
An Amish man and his son...
An Amish man and his son go to the mall for the first time- they are amazed! All the stores, all the people! But what takes the cake is a strange double sliding metal door with numbers over it. They watch entranced as an enormous senior woman in a wheelchair rolls inside the doors, and they shut almost silently. The numbers blink up, pause, and then back down, and the doors reopen. A gorgeous, much younger women in a miniskirt emerges and walks away. The father turns, astonished, to his son and hoarsely says, "Go get your mother..."
What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say?
And it's a swing and Amish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Amish Lady say to the p**...?
How many Mennonite?
How do the Amish avoid unwanted pregnancies?
Why did the Amish woman file for divorce?
Her husband was driving her buggy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...
The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"
SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"
FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Amish take drivers ed and s**... ed in the same month?
It's to hard on the horse.
What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy?
Oh man, Amished you so much!
Why don't amish people use electricity?
If they had lights they would never sleep with each other
Say what you want about the Amish...
Really, go ahead. They're not on here.
Why don't Amish people fear lightning...
They resist electricity.
What did one Amish guy say to the other?
Nice Mustang.
What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day?
Amish you.
Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....
And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.
What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy?
Two or three Mennonite
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?
They keep falling off the wagon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Amish women...
Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's t**... .
Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???
Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.
An Amish joke for you...
What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, silence....?
A drive-by shunning
What are Amish children called?
Omelettes.
How does an Amish girl know....
... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
Amish men can't motorboat their wives.
They can only row boat them.
When Amish kids go on a field trip…
do they just go to a different field?
What's an Amish person's favourite type of raisin?
barn raisin'
Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time
They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"
What was the Amish woman's wildest fantasy?
Two Mennonite.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
