Amis Jokes

Following is our collection of mes humor and amazement one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amis puns for adults, dirty silver jokes or clean elevator gags for kids.

There is an abundance of shiny jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 58 funniest jokes on amis. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any comrade witze you can hear about amis.

The Best jokes about Amis

An Amish Woman

Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".

An Amish boy and his Dad . . .

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . .

'Go get your Mother'

When an Amish sees an elevator for the first time...

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in the new mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."


What does it take to please an Amish woman?

Two Mennonite.

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.

They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could
move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse
order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old
blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

An Amish family went to the city for the first time ever.

They went to a mall. The Amish man saw an old woman get into an elevator. He observed with curiosity as he had never seen anything like it before. Two minutes later, a young beautiful woman came out of the same elevator.
The Amish man turned to his son and said
"go get your mother!"

Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees?

A: A vibrator.

An Amish man and his son...

An Amish man and his son go to the mall for the first time- they are amazed! All the stores, all the people! But what takes the cake is a strange double sliding metal door with numbers over it. They watch entranced as an enormous senior woman in a wheelchair rolls inside the doors, and they shut almost silently. The numbers blink up, pause, and then back down, and the doors reopen. A gorgeous, much younger women in a miniskirt emerges and walks away. The father turns, astonished, to his son and hoarsely says, "Go get your mother..."

The Old Amish Lady and the Police Officer

One day an elderly Amish lady is riding her horse and buggy back from the farmers market when a police officer pulls her over for a broken reflector. He gets out of his car and notifies her of it. She replies, "Oh thank you officer! Is there anything else?" So the officer does a routine inspection of the 'vehicle' and notices that one of the reins is wrapped around the horses testicles. He notifies the lady and she thanks him and tells him that her husband will take care of all of it when she gets home. When she gets home, she tells her husband all about the event with the cop and all about the reflector. The husband replies, "That's simple. I can fix that in a jiffy. Was there anything else?" After thinking for a moment, the old woman replies, "I can't quite remember. Something about the emergency brake."


Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)

The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and reads a good book, then returns home and gives his wife a passionate kiss. *That* is savoir faire!"


The second gentleman admires the amber color in his glass, puffs on his pipe and says, "No, no, here's what it is. A man comes home from work early. He heads up to his bedroom, opens the door, and he sees his wife in bed with another man. He waves nonchalantly and graciously says, '*continuez, monsieur!*' and walks around the block for an hour or two, smelling the crisp autumn evening. That, my friends, is savoir faire."


The third man rests his glass on the table and says, "Gentlemen. You've found yourself in a familiar situation. A glance across a crowded room, an accidental touch of the hand, and suddenly you're in bed with a woman you've just met. You hear footfalls on the stairs. The door opens and the woman's husband enters. He puts on his hat, gives a nonchalant wave of his hand and graciously says, '*continuez monsieur!*' And you are *able* to continue. That is savoir faire!"

Amish Hooker

What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?

Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

An Amish joke.


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walks up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walks between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside.

The girl asked, Mother, what is this?

The mother, never having seen an elevator, responded, I have not idea."

While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

After he got in, the walls closed and the numbers counted up and then down. The walls opened up again and a hunky young man stepped out.

The mother, not taking her eyes off the young man, said quietly to her daughter, Go get your father.

What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy?

Two or three Mennonite

What do an Amish woman and a hockey game both have in common? (NSFW)

They both have three periods between showers.

The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate

Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.


Amish jokes

Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite

I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter

Amish Farmer

An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.

The Amish farmer shouts:
'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have sh-t in it.')

The kneeling man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English.'

The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more

Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...

The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"

SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"

FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"

An Amish couple go to the city

So an Amish man and woman head to the big city for the first time. When they book they hotel the see that they are on the 8th floor.
A they head towards the elevator they see a hideous woman get in and go to the top floor. When the elevator comes back down a beautiful woman gets out.
When the man sees this he tells his wife "quick, get in the elevator!"

Why couldn't the Amish go waterskiing?

Because the horses might drown.

Why don't the Amish waterski?

The horses would drown.

Ba-dum TISH

Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.

One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.

The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"

"These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles." replied the first woman.

"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.

"No, that dirty."

What do Amish people call their children?

Omelets

Why did the Amish woman file for divorce?

Her husband was driving her buggy

How do you please an Amish woman?

Give her two Mennonite

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Two Mennonite

-Christopher Hitchins

Have you ever been to an Amish party?

Those guys really raise the roof!

What do all Amish women want?

2 Mennonite.

Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her community?

Too Mennonite

What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day?

Amish you.

Two Amish women are walking down the street.

Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A hummer comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind

Why don't amish people use electricity?

If they had lights they would never sleep with each other

Why did the Amish girl keep getting pregnant?

Too many mennonite.

How do you keep an Amish woman happy?

Two Mennonite...

When an Amish screws up

He made amishtake.

What is every Amish woman's dream?

Two Mennonite.

How do you keep an amish girl happy?

Two men a night.

What do Amish people call their kids?

Omelettes.

What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say?

And it's a swing and Amish.

An Amish man misses his Jewish friend. He says...

Amish Jew!

Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....

And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.

Why was the Amish prostitute shunned?

Because she was up to three Mennonite.

When an Amish buggy breaks down on the side of the road, who do they call?

Triple Hay

What did the Amish man say to his ex girlfriend?

Amish you a lot.

What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy?

Oh man, Amished you so much!

Why was the Amish girl ex Communicated?

Two Mennonite

The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms....

To help stop the spread of Abes.

What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?

Mennonitis!

How do you please an Amish woman?

3 Mennonite...

What did the Amish man say to the hipster?

Poser

An Amish Woman Discovers An Elevator

There was this elderly, Amish woman who went with her family to a mall for the first time in their lives. The whole family was mesmerized by the hundreds of stores, the lights, the food court. And then, for the first time in her life, the Amish woman saw an elevator. She watched as an elderly man approached the elevator doors and entered. The doors closed. A minute later, the doors opened and a guy looking like George Clooney stepped out. She saw another old guy get on, and, a minute later, out came a Matt Damon look-alike. A third old man went in and out came a Ryan Gosling-type man. She called to her daughter, "Quick, go get your father."

Say what you want about the Amish...

Really, go ahead. They're not on here.

Why don't Amish people fear lightning...

They resist electricity.

What did one Amish guy say to the other?

Nice Mustang.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes