Uproarious Amis Jokes to Share with Friends
Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?
Two Mennonite
-Christopher Hitchins
An Amish family visits a mall...
...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".
What does it take to please an Amish woman?
Two Mennonite.
Amish h**...
What's an Amish h**... do?
Ten Mennonite!
(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)
Have you ever been to an Amish party?
Those guys really raise the roof!
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Why did the Amish woman get pregnant?
Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.
Amish jokes
Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite
I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
An Amish couple go to the city
So an Amish man and woman head to the big city for the first time. When they book they hotel the see that they are on the 8th floor.
A they head towards the elevator they see a hideous woman get in and go to the top floor. When the elevator comes back down a beautiful woman gets out.
When the man sees this he tells his wife "quick, get in the elevator!"
What did the Amish man say to the hipster?
Poser
You can explore amis mes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amis silver dad jokes. There are also amis puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why don't the Amish waterski?
The horses would drown.
Ba-dum TISH
What do all Amish women want?
2 Mennonite.
What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?
Mennonitis!
Two Amish women are walking down the street.
Two Amish woman are walking down the street when they come across a momma skunk and a baby skunk. A h**... comes driving by at 60 mph and runs over the momma skunk and kills it. The first Amish girl says oh my we can't let that baby skunk by itself. So she picks it up and puts it under her dress to safely take it home. The second Amish girl says what about the smell. First one responds I don't think it will mind
How do you please an Amish woman?
3 Mennonite...
Why was the Amish p**... shunned?
Because she was up to three Mennonite.
The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms....
To help stop the spread of Abes.
Why was the Amish girl ex Communicated?
Two Mennonite
An Amish man misses his Jewish friend. He says...
Amish Jew!
Why was the Amish girl kicked out of her community?
Too Mennonite
How do you keep an amish girl happy?
Two men a night.
When an Amish buggy breaks down on the side of the road, who do they call?
Triple Hay
Why was the Amish woman excommunicated?
Too Mennonite.
What is every Amish woman's dream?
Two Mennonite.
How do you please an Amish woman?
Give her two Mennonite
Why did the Amish girl keep getting pregnant?
Too many mennonite.
When an Amish screws up
He made amishtake.
Why couldn't the Amish go waterskiing?
Because the horses might drown.
The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate
Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.
What do Amish people call their children?
Omelets
What did the Amish man say to his ex girlfriend?
Amish you a lot.
What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say?
And it's a swing and Amish.
What did the Amish Lady say to the p**...?
How many Mennonite?
An Amish family went to the city for the first time ever.
They went to a mall. The Amish man saw an old woman get into an elevator. He observed with curiosity as he had never seen anything like it before. Two minutes later, a young beautiful woman came out of the same elevator.
The Amish man turned to his son and said
"go get your mother!"
Why did the Amish woman file for divorce?
Her husband was driving her buggy
Two Amish women are in the field picking potatoes...
The first Amish woman (FAW) pulls out an enormous potato from the field and says to the second (SAW), "Ohhh, this reminds me of Jacob's privates!"
SAW - "You mean Jacob's privates are that big?"
FAW - "No, but they're just as dirty!"
What do Amish people call their kids?
Omelettes.
Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.
One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.
The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"
"These potatoes remind me of my husband's t**...." replied the first woman.
"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.
"No, that dirty."
What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy?
Oh man, Amished you so much!
Why don't amish people use electricity?
If they had lights they would never sleep with each other
Say what you want about the Amish...
Really, go ahead. They're not on here.
What did one Amish guy say to the other?
Nice Mustang.
How do you keep an Amish woman happy?
Two Mennonite...
What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day?
Amish you.
Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut....
And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.
Amish Farmer
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.
The Amish farmer shouts:
'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have sh-t in it.')
The kneeling man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English.'
The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more
What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy?
Two or three Mennonite
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?
They keep falling off the wagon.
What's the best way to get an Amish girl pregnant?
Two mennonite..
Two Amish women...
Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's t**... .
Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???
Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.
An Amish joke for you...
What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, silence....?
A drive-by shunning
What are Amish children called?
Omelettes.
How does an Amish girl know....
... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?
An Amish family goes to a mall for the first time
And of course they are overwhelmed. The man stands in front of an elevator, puzzled what this contraption may be. He watches a very heavyset woman enter it, the doors close and the elevator goes up, and as it returns, a young, beautiful woman emerges.
"What is that, Pa?", little Joshua wants to know.
"Never mind, son, but go get your mom here, quick!"
Amish girls have no way of knowing
if it's a romantic candle light dinner or just a regular dinner.
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
Amish men can't motorboat their wives.
They can only row boat them.
When Amish kids go on a field trip…
do they just go to a different field?
What's an Amish person's favourite type of raisin?
Barn raisin'
Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time
They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"
What was the Amish woman's wildest fantasy?
Two Mennonite.
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
