Americans Jokes

These are 111 americans jokes and hilarious americans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about americans that are good jokes for kids and friends.

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These are our top americans puns. Have fun with a good americans joke in English with simple americans humour.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight... There would be mass confusion.
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you... School is my answer
Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
What's the difference between North Korea and the US? North Koreans can't tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can't tell if their leader is dead serious.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
What's the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American I saw it coming from a kilometre away

Americans joke, My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these americans jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of americans puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Americans One Liners

Which americans dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with americans?

What is a Karen called in Europe? An American.
Why are Americans so dumb? Because they shoot the ones that go to school
Why do Americans fish with a gun? So they get the whole school.
How do you offend an American? Don't worry, they'll find something to be offended about.
German humor is like healthcare Many Americans simply don't get it
Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ? They can't defend the tower
Why should you always post jokes in American English? They can reach a wider audience.
Americans do use the metric system... Because they use 9mms at school.
Ever since Bader Ginsburg died… … The American Supreme Court has been Ruthless.
Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax? To stop hispanic attacks.
How do you get a dozen Americans out of a car? Tell them to stay inside the car.
I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math... Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.
Mommy, what is a Canadian? It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.
Which of the American forces is the most patriotic? The air force, because its US AF.
Why does Djokovic pay with American Express Because he has no visa

Americans joke, Why does Djokovic pay with American Express

Laughable Americans Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about americans to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make americans prank.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator".

I guess we're just raised differently.

Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries.

Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!

As an Aussie, Americans always ask me where in Australia isn't there anything trying to kill me…

School I tell them.

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

Americans are so s**..., it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

4th of July,

The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.

You always claim Germans don't have humour,

but we have. It's just like healthcare. Most Americans don't get it.

9 out of 10 Americans are s**......

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July.

It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.

t**... holding dad at gunpoint-

t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice p**... field when he sees his son running to him

'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.
The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;
'All of them'
'No just 3', replies the kid
'Damn it'
The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

because they practice at the best schools

Trump's wives were immigrants, proving the adage true...

Immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do.

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.

What is the difference between Americans and IT support?

Americans don't have troubleshooting.

how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.

How do you get Americans to join a world war?

Tell them it's nearly finished.

How to make Americans take vaccines

Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

What is the purpose of war?

"God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Americans: "This is not who we are."

ⓘ This claim is disputed

Cant make jokes about vacation to americans

Cause they dont get it

Dear Americans

Dear Americans,
As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.
Greetings from Europe!

Why are Americans so bad at League of Legends?

because they can't protect their towers

Iran bans Americans from traveling there.

Won't beheading there anymore

According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans

But that's just a Conservative estimate

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....

I always thought Americans should say "B".

Because Canadians say "Eh", and Mexicans say "Ci".

I have a joke about universal healthcare

but americans wont get it.

What starts with O, ends with N I O N S, and makes Americans cry?

Opinions

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

Because they don't have 2 towers.

Why are European cars the lightest?

because there's no Americans sitting in them.

What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture

Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube

They have a long history of sorting and separating colours

A Japanese business man living in nyc goes into the bank to exchange a large amount of US dollars into Yen....

He does the transaction with the teller, offer a polite bow accompanied by an 'ah so', and leaves.
He comes back in a week with another large amount of usd to exchange. This time he gets much less yen. He looks quizzically at the teller and she says to him, 'fluctuations'!!
He angrily grabs the cash and storms out. As he's leaving the branch he comes back in and yells at the top of his voice: 'fluc you Americans too!!!'

I'd like to wish all mothers a Happy Mother's Day!

…and make all the Americans panic.
(It's Mother's Day in the UK, for those worriedly looking at their calendar.)

A BuzzFeed writer walks into a bar...

95% of americans were shocked to find out what happened next.

My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?"

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

They have the best schools for it.

What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes?

Americans don't get them.

Why are Americans so s**...?

Because they shoot all the ones who go to school

80% of Americans want net neutrality

The other 20% are dead

Why Americans don't use metric?

f**...

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

Americans have a terrible sense of humour

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

Why are americans bad at DotA ?

Because they cant defend their towers.

Why can't americans play pool billard?

They always shoot the black ones first.
^^^^sorry...

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.

Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is I want to make an American happy
His wife replies back Why don't you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?
Their daughter gives a suggestion Why don't you drop hundred 1 dollar notes and make hundred Americans happy?
The pilot overhears their conversation and gives his own suggestion on the matter.
Why don't you three drop yourselves from the plane and make all Americans happy?

An Asian walks into a currency exchange and get $100 back for his exchange

Next day he goes there again and for the same amount of money he receives $94 this time.
He asks the teller "why $6 less today compared to yesterday"
The teller say "fluctuations"
The Asian man get up angrily and storms out slamming the door, turns around and shouts "fluc you Americans too!"

Why are Americans bad at MOBA's?

They can't defend towers.

Americans are so lucky

Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.

4 million of these people...

### 4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I'm not sure the Americans will get it.

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

Americans won't get this

Free healthcare

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

War is God's way of teaching

Americans geography.

What do you call five African-Americans born together?

Triplets.

Why don't native Americans like snow?

Because it's white and all over their land.

I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants

Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these americans jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.