American Tourist Jokes

30 american tourist jokes and hilarious american tourist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about american tourist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest American Tourist Short Jokes

Short american tourist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The american tourist humour may include short american people jokes also.

  1. An American tourist in Australia was in an accident. The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
    The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."
  2. What's the difference between an American tourist in Mexico and a spanking? A spanking rattles the buns, and an American tourist in Mexico battles the runs
  3. After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US has recently unleashed its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date… The American tourist!
  4. Once upon a time in india a american tourist came to saw tazmahal , he was astonished that indian are daily bathing didn't need a deodorant for hide the body odour, ,,, he is so jealous
  5. Why do so many American tourists end up in eastern Europe? They get Hungary so they go for Turkey.
  6. After shopping for the first time overseas in a middle eastern market, the American tourist was quoted saying "How bazaar"
  7. Two german tourists walk into an american bar One of them says:
    "-We would like a martini please!"
    The bartender responds:
    "-Nein, zwei"
  8. How can you tell American tourists and Canadian tourists apart? Canadian tourists have a small Canadian flag on their backpacks, but Americans have a big Canadian flag on theirs.
  9. An american tourist was robbed in China, he went to police station to report robbery, the officer asked can you identify the robber He said ''i can't tell for sure but he's someone in this room''.
  10. American policemen beaten Chinese tourist after asking him for his name... "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu from the hospital.

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American Tourist One Liners

Which american tourist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with american tourist? I can suggest the ones about tourist and traveler.

  1. What do you call a fat person in Europe? An American tourist
  2. In France, we have Karens too They are called "American tourists".
  3. What do they call fat chicks in France? American tourists!

American Tourist joke, What do they call fat chicks in France?

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful American Tourist Jokes

What funny jokes about american tourist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patriotic american jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make american tourist pranks.

An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.

He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.
He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?"
The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."

A tourist decides to visit a native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."

An American tourist is hit by a car in downtown Sydney, AU.

He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.
"Did I come here to die?" he asks.
The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.
Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!
Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.
"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".
"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.
"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.

Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream g**...!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!
Translation - Big? Thanks!

An American walks into an Irish pub

An Irishman yells, "Oi, y**...! Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?"
"Err... I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly.
"Ahh, but which one don't you believe in?"

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"
The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland.

A group of American tourists came in.
One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.
40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey y**..., is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
OK y**..., pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'
"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

Haunted castle

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over.
"It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways."
"No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here."
"How long is that?" the tourist asked.
"Oh, about 300 years."

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Native American.

"What is it made of?" she asked."Alligator's teeth," the man replied."I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.""Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun? The German replied, In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world. Pah! , the French man says, you Germans do not know what fun is. The German replied, The last time we had fun, the Americans had to save you.

Two american tourists are having lunch at a McDonald's in Leicester square

They are arguing how to pronounce Leicester. To solve their dispute, they decide to walk up to the counter and ask the cashier.
"Excuse me ma'am, but can you tell me where we are? But can you pronounce it slowly, as you see, we're not from around here."
The cashier nods and says "Mic...don...alds"

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."
"Wow," said one woman they must have the same landlord I do."

Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who has had s**... with a woman."

Inuit and American tourist walks near far-north village.

Suddenly the polar bear starts chasing them. American starts crying, Inuit starts to warm up and takes running position.
American - What are you doing? Don't you know, that polar bear runs faster than any human? We can not outrun polar bear!
Inuit - I don't need to outrun the polar bear, I need to outrun you


A German farmer is standing in his field peeing. And American tourist sees him and says "g**...!" And the farmer says "danke."

An American tourist in Germany...

While in Germany, an American tourist saw a man peeing in a fountain.
"g**...!" She said.
"Danke!" He said.

American Tourist joke, Two german tourists walk into an american bar