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American People Jokes

101 american people jokes and hilarious american people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about american people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular American People Short Jokes

Short american people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The american people humour may include short american tourist jokes also.

  1. I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
  2. I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
  3. Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
  4. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
  5. A Muslim guy killed 50 people in a mass shooting… Who says they can't integrate into American culture?
  6. Why do native Americans hate April? Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people
  7. Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.
  8. I'm American and I hate it when people say that America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
  9. Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants. Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
  10. Americans are getting stronger Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, A 5-year old can do it.

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American People One Liners

Which american people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with american people? I can suggest the ones about british people and american history.

  1. American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers
  2. How do you offend an African-American and Chinese person? Make a joke about brack people.
  3. What do you call 16 white American people? A full blooded Cherokee
  4. To all those people calling Americans fat... they dropped 21,600 pounds yesterday.
  5. I like my people like I like my cheese white american.
  6. We, the American people have a great sense of humor. Have you seen our President?
  7. My uncle got rich the American way He tripped over things and sued people.
  8. Why do people like American bars so much? You get free shots.
  9. Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.
  10. What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people? Death.
  11. TIL 6.7 billion people are the minority By arrogant ignorant Americans.
  12. I don't know who won the debate tonight but I do know who lost... The American people :(
  13. How do Japanese people refer to American politicians? Parti-san
  14. What do you call Black people in the US? A Freakin American
  15. Congress Helping the American People

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about american people can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of american people puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty American People Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about american people you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean patriotic american jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make american people prank.

Why don't Polish people like playing American football?

They can't defend against a blitz.

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

A teacher at an international school...

asks her class what their opinion is on giving food to people in other countries.
The Jewish kid asks "What is giving?"
The African kid asks "What is food?"
The Chinese kid asks "What is my opinion?"
And the American kid asks "What are other countries?"

Communist Russia wins the space race

Teacher: Ivan, tell us, who was the first country to land people on the Moon?
Ivan: It was our mother Russia, Comrade!
Teacher: Very good, Ivan! And what did the first Russian cosmonauts find on the Moon?
Ivan: The American flag, Comrade!

My dyslexic brother just did the ice bucket challenge.

He keeps asking how this helps people who use American Sign Language.

A little Arab boy

Anything that makes people who aren't white Americans embarrassed or angry, is racist.

Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.

They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.

What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?

A Lift
(only a joke, my American friends)

A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people

The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"
The interview was a huge failure...
The African asks "What does meat mean?".
The American asks "What does shortage mean?".
The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".
The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"
The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"

Overheard this in the train, not a joke per se, but I found it funny

>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.
Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?
Dude2: You dont want to do that.
Dude1: Why?
Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views...

...toddlers are the worst.

Why isn't NSA mass surveillance a hot topic in the US elections?

Because it's the only part of the govt that listens to the American people.

What do you call 3 mentally handicapped people applying for the same job?

American politics

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

I'm a little sick and tired of people always saying that at one time or another, every single American president is guilty of something...

I mean, what about Lincoln?! After all, he's in a cent...

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president...

...and 50 for Miss America?

A Mexican man was visiting America.

He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

Americans are getting stronger.

Fifty years ago, it took two people to carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...

Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.

"Mr. Obama, how exactly does someone impeach a president?" "The american people have made their decision. To suggest we impeach a president before he's had a chance is an outrage! Regardless of your opinions and the flawed system we're under the election was held fair and square...

...Now would you *please* stop asking that, Mr. Trump?"

The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020.

That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III.

I work in a popular hotel...

I see people come in to stay from all over the world, yet for some reason I've never seen a Native American here. I guess they just don't like to make reservations.

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

I really hate babies.

Did you guys hear? Congress disbanded the CIA

Because they realized that the American people don't want intelligence to be a part of government

Why are Native Americans the best people to take with you to a s**... club?

They can literally make it rain.

An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants

It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.
Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"
"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"

Mike Huckabee is interviewing donald trump...

Huckabee, asking the tough questions: "So we've seen you in your stylish golf clothes on the course, and your sharp bespoke suits when you are at work, but the American people want to know what the president really wears, boxers or briefs?"
trump: "Depends..."
Huckabee: "Depends on what, your mood, the situation, if Malania is around?"
trump: "No, just Depends."

Due to the negative connotation of the phrase "colored people" the NAACP is thinking about changing their name to reflect more modern terms like "African Americans"

But then they said NAAAA.

For all those people that didn't know that some Latin American countries don't primarily speak Spanish...

You better Belize it.

Why do Americans s**... at calculus?

White people have never been good at integration.

A jewish man walks down the street

He is approached by a native american man who aggresively states
"Your people stole my land!" The jew, knowing that this is incorrect, defends himself.
"i'm not white, i'm jewish, you see," he began, "My family fled here from germany in 1943", but was cut short by the native american.
"My house was taken by the bank"

I think it's dumb when people say all Americans are ignorant of geopolitics.

I mean, how could everyone on the planet be ignorant?

An American dog, Polish dog and a Russian dog were discussing things so the American dog tells them that if you bark long enough, people will give you meat. The Polish dog asks "what's meat?"

The Russian dog asked "what's bark...??!!"

People say there are free speech issues in North Korea and I disagree...

For instance: in America, you can walk right outside the White House, gather in the street, and say I don't like the way the government is running this country!
You can do that in North Korea too! In fact, you can walk down any street in Pyongyang, gather your friends, and yell I don't like the way the Americans are running their country!

The Trump Family is flying from New York to DC

Donald-"I think I'll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy"
Melania- "Why don't you throw ten $100 bills and make ten Americans happy?
Ivanka- "It will be even better if you throw one hundred $10 dollar bills and make one hundred people happy?
The pilot hears the conversation and exclaims "Why don't y'all jump out the window and make the entire country happy?"

How many English people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. What do you think they are? Americans?

This American woman ran up to me and said, "Help, someone robbed me as I was leaving the elevator." I said, "That's not right!"

She said, "I know, right? What shall I do?"

I said, "Start calling it a lift like normal people do."

Only SEVEN people die as temperatures as low as -42F wreak havoc across the American Midwest.

Apparently guns don't work in those temperatures.

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

American intervention is kind of like my cooking...

It always involves a lot of oil... I steam in without really knowing what I'm doing... and lots of people die.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.
Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!
Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.
"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".
"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.
"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

Why Americans don't need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White?

Great... Now people will think France has been there

I'm an American, and I'm sick of people saying, "America is the stupidest country in the world."

Personally, I think the UNITED STATES is the stupidest country in the world.

A man named Jose moved to America...

A man named Jose moved to America and the first thing he does is go to a baseball game because it seemed like a very American thing to do. When he got there he had to sit by the flag and there were many tall people in front of him. Suddenly everyone in the stadium turned toward him and sang, "Jo-ose can you see!" He replied, "yes, thank you, I can."

What is the object of American football played by really cheap people?

Get the quarter back.

A British Cop and an American Cop are talking in a bar

The British cop says "they might take away our tasers because they sometimes kill people"
The American Cop says "sometimes? seems inneficient"

What do Trump and o**... Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

I've traveled the world and met people from many countries.

From my experience, American kids are some of the nicest, but German children are kinder

''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''

"I have never lied to the American people."
"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."

3 people are fighting

An American,British, And Chinese are fighting over who is the best swordsman. They say whoever can slice that fly on half wins.
The American slices in half with ease.
The British does 2 slices, and it's in 4 pieces.
The Chinese does one swipe. The American and the British are like, what is that? It's still flying.
The Chinese responds, it's s**... life is over.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

I am American and sick of people saying Americans are the stupidest people in the world.

I don't get it.

Personally, I don't get why people complain about American Healthcare

It ranked 3rd in North America

British people like to make fun of Americans for not using the metric system.

But I've never heard of a single British person walking into a pub and ordering a half liter…

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government is doing nothing to stop them. Not to mention that they are dirty and they smell bad! They don't even speak English!!!" the guy rants to the bartender. "I hate babies."

I'm sick of the people saying American people are the stupidest people in the world

Like clearly the country of Europe is the dumbest.

4 million of these people...

### 4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!
I really hate babies.

Last night, I, an American, was arguing with a European over whether Europe or the United States was better.

The European boasted, "We hardly even have racism here in Europe!" I asked them, "What about Romani people? Does the racism they experience not count?"
They replied, "Of course not! Romanis aren't people!"

A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book

An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:"Go to h**..., Ronald Reagan!"
The russian answers:"Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:" Go to h**..., Ronald Reagan!"

jokes about american people

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these american people jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.