When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
Because they use 9mms at school.
...says ''I'll have a bud light.'' The bartender replies ''You're an American, right?'' The guy says ''How did you know, was it the beer or my accent?'' To which the bartender replies ''Neither, you're the fattest fuck i've ever seen in my life.''
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
To stop hispanic attacks.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
Thoughts and prayers.
Barman: Oh, you must be American.
American: You can tell from my order and accent, huh?
Barman: No, because you're the fattest fuck I've ever seen.
American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.
They've left those kids a loan.
Who says they can't integrate into American culture?
American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.
Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
Because fuck U, that's why.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".
Because orange is the new black.
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
The Air Force, because its US AF.
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
By their last names.
Tell them it's nearly finished.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about American? Well, here are the best American dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and American pick up lines to share with friends.