Following is our collection of dmz humor and cuban one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include American puns for adults, dirty frenchman jokes or clean homeland gags for kids.
There is an abundance of italian frenchman and american jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes on american. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any american tourist witze you can hear about american.
An American.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
They can't defend the towers
It means Lousy Hunter
I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
Because they use 9mms at school.
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very sleazy, very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
To stop hispanic attacks.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
Thoughts and prayers.
American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.
They've left those kids a loan.
Who says they can't integrate into American culture?
American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.
Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
I'm not immigrating or anything, I'm just not proud to be American.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.
After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
People will eventually get over it.
Because orange is the new black.
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
The Air Force, because its US AF.
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.
''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.
The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.
As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're fucked...''
By their last names.
Tell them it's nearly finished.
American.
Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.
Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
He didn't have a reservation.
With a crane.
because they can't protect their towers
...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.
The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own ass.
The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."ο»Ώ
...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"
The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the hell do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
Because they don't have 2 towers.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."
They have the best schools for it.
Detroit
An American teen girl gets stoned *before* she has sex.
The other 20% are dead
i asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'no, get your own wife'
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.