American Football Jokes
52 american football jokes and hilarious american football puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about american football that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest American Football Short Jokes
Short american football jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The american football humour may include short english football jokes also.
- My friend spends 75% of his time playing American Football and the other 25% playing Baroque music. He's a quarterbach.
- Did you know that people wearing glasses aren't allowed to play american football? That's because it's a contact sport.
- Democracy and Football What does democracy and football have in common?
\- adding the word American completely changes the meaning... - Why don't Polish people like playing American football? They can't defend against a blitz.
- TIL College football is actually a combination of two American pastimes Coercive land grabbing, and exploiting unpaid black labor
- What is the object of American football played by really cheap people? Get the quarter back.
- How much is your height Indian:- My height is 167cms
European :- My height is 182.5 cms
American :- My height is 1/3675 of a Football field - FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDS.... It's Mum not Mom
It's crisps not chips
It's chips not fries
It's football not soccer
It's rugby not football
It's school not shooting range! - I find it amusing Americans call it soccer and the English call it football Just like how I find it amusing the English call it shooting range and the Americans call it school
- The Queen of England doesn't know much about American football... But she does wish someone would do something about those troublesome Patriots.
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American Football One Liners
Which american football one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with american football? I can suggest the ones about college football and football.
- Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!
- As a Brit, I can't get into American football They rugby the wrong way
- Who is Ghlislane Maxwells favorite American Football player? Chase Young
- My new american football video game has so many glitches. It's really maddening
- Why don't the British play American football? All of the Quarterbacks got sacked.
- Who is the greatest American football player? David Beckham
- Why is football the single best sport? Because americans don't play it.
- Americans Interested in Football! What a Soccer !!
- Why do lenses love American Football? It's a contact sport!
- Where do American football players like to eat at? Huddle House
- The most expensive ballet is shown six months a year. It's called American Football.
- American football is the best thing ever.
Comical & Quirky American Football Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about american football you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean football season jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make american football pranks.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand)
Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear.
The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, "Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear answers, "Papa Bear beats me!"
"Oh no." the judge replies. "Then you can live with Mama Bear."
"No!" Baby Bear exclaims. "She beats me too!"
"Oh dear." Says the judge. "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears because they never beat anyone!"*
*This isn't true as the Bears are the best team ever.
A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play...
...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.
After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:
"I don't know why you all don't think Americans are nice. As soon as I sat down everyone turned around, looked at me, and started singing 'Jose, can you see?'"
The Memory Man
A man from Liverpool, England was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Native American man sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face.
"Who's he?" asked the Liverpudlian.
"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything, remembers everything. He can remember every face he's ever seen. He can remember any fact he hears or reads. Go and try him out."
So the Liverpudlian goes over, and thinking he won't know about English football, asks "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?".
"Liverpool" replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Leeds" was the instant reply.
"And the score?"
"2-1."
"Who scored the winning goal?"
"Ian St. John" said the old man, without a hint of hesitation.
The Liverpudlian was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he got back.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Native American, only this time he was older and even more wrinkled.
The Liverpudlian approached him with the greeting "How".
The Memory man looked up and said, "Diving header in the six yard box".
How do you know you're playing a Jewish Football team (American Football)
On defense, they only run the Dime Formation
I went to an Arab-American comedy night....
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else's god?"
So I think I am finally starting to understand American Football..
You get the other guy to the ground.
You go for the touch down.
Grab his ball.
Do a quick turnover.
Go in for the score.
And turn that tight end to the wide receiver.
It all makes sense now.
What do a homeless woman and an American football player have in common?
They both take their pads off after four periods
I went to an Arab-American comedy night
there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football. " I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus.. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see someone else's god? "
Crossing the Border
A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"
Do you like getting inebriated with yo' bruv's and watching groups of men in tights prancing around and occasionally slapping each others arses?
No, you say. Then why do you like American football?
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
Britons vs. Americans
Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.
whats the difference between American soccer and Chilean football?
american soccer and Chilean football are pretty much the same except every goal the Chileans throw a communist from a helicopter.
What do you call an incontinent defensive player in American football?
A piddle linebacker
It's a shame American football wasn't around during Thomas Jefferson's youth.
He would've made a great Nickelback.
Football is thr perfect American sport.
It teaches us how to steal other people's land by force and punt our problems to somebody else.
It was decided that a great banquet would be held to honor Midwestern athletes
The organizers decided to invite twelve of America's finest sportsmen, specifically Cleveland baseball players and Kansas City (American) footballers. Six special chairs were made with the Cleveland logo, and six with the Kansas City. On the night of the banquet, though, there was a problem. Seven KC players showed up, while only five Clevelanders did. Since the special chairs could not be fixed, this was a calamity! The evening's host decided to contact the chief organizer, who could not attend due to a conflict.
"What's the issue?" barked the suit.
Responded his deputy, "We've got too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians."
Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet
While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)
The other says: "Who's playing?"
"Austria-Hungary", says the first.
"Against whom?"
The Corporate Ladder
A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is American FOOTBALL
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of Choice for middle management is TENNIS
6. the sport of Choice for corporate Officers is GOLF
CONCLUSION: The Higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your b**... become
