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American Flag Jokes

65 american flag jokes and hilarious american flag puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about american flag that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest American Flag Short Jokes

Short american flag jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The american flag humour may include short confederate flag jokes also.

  1. TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
  2. TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the french flag. Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
  3. TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
  4. TIL that the radiation of the sun has caused the American Flag on the moon to be completely white So now it looks like France visited first
  5. Due to the non existent atmosphere on the moon, the american flag is by now completely white. Great, now everyone thinks the French were the first...
  6. There are six American flags on the Moon. Five of them are still standing. Due to the strong UV radiation, they are all completely white by now.
    So it looks like the French landed there.
  7. Did you know that the American flag on the moon was bleached due to solar radiation? Now it looks like the French landed there first
  8. Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or albanian And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese
  9. Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White? Great... Now people will think France has been there
  10. Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... Now it looks like France landed there...

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American Flag One Liners

Which american flag one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with american flag? I can suggest the ones about country flag and green flag.

  1. I like my women how I like my American Flag... Made in China.
  2. [Dirty] What do you call a tear in the American flag? An old glory hole.
  3. Why are there no American flags at the DNC? Because the delegates were standing on them.
  4. What do you get when Hulk holds the American Flag? The Star Spangled Banner!
  5. How do you confuse a Republican? Wrap an unarmed black man in the American Flag
  6. So a cinnamon roll was saluting to the American flag Talk about pastryotisim
  7. Why is it OK to wash an American flag in hot water? Because these colors don't run.
  8. What does the green in the American flag stand for? Being a reliable ally.
  9. One time Chuck Norris saluted an American flag and it blushed.
  10. The American flag Red with blood
    Blue with tears
    White with privilege

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about american flag can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of american flag puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

American Flag Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about american flag you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean star spangled banner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make american flag prank.

Q: What is the difference between the American flag and American Idol?
A: The American flag actually has stars.

Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag.
Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

That holocaust joke reminded me of this one I heard about 2 Mexican dudes.

2 Mexican guys move to America from Mexico. They decide to each go their own way and try to adapt to the culture of their new home. A year later they bump into each other.
Mexican guy 1: Hey man! Long time no see! How have you been adapting? I got really into NASCAR, I got this American flag tattoo, and I even started my own business! I'm living the American dream! What about you?
Mexican guy 2: Go back to Mexico, s**...!!

I heard that because the moon has no atmosphere...

the American flag we planted there has lost its color and is now completely white. We need go up there and change it. Because we don't want anyone thinking the French beat us to the moon.

Traffic Lights..

I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday, minding my own business
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no
on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American
Slogans, with a half-burned American flag duct-taped on the side of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, " Allahu Akbar!, Allahu Akbar!, " and
took off before the lights changed.
Out of nowhere, an 18-wheeler came speeding through
the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car stunned, thinking to myself,
"man...that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

French Jokes

What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag.
What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away.
Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white.
An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly s**... charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b**... strike using the full might the American military to obliterate the German (and all the nearby land). The Frenchman gets blown up by the American strike, because he already surrendered and was taken prisoner by the German.
For sale: A French rifle. Never fired, dropped once.
What's the difference between a French soldier and a brain-dead jugghead? The jugghead runs towards the battle.
Inspired by the American president. The French prime-minister ordered his secret service to carry around a locked briefcase that can only be unlocked by the prime-minister in case of an emergency war. Inside is said to be the controls to the national white-flag system.
What's the French military motto? Don't shoot, we surrender.

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

Patriotism

A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"

An American tourist goes to the beach on the French Riviera......

and he gets flagged down by the beachside bathing suit store owner. Monsieur, you cannot wear cutoff jeans to the beach here, and talks him into buying a speedo type, telling him: "the women will drool over you when you're wearing it." He puts it on and leaves for the beach. The tourist comes back an hour later saying that the women still ignore him and give him disapproving looks as he walks by. The store owner looks down at his c**... and then hands him a potato and says "Monsieur, put this down your suit and the women will be unable to resist you for sure". The tourist comes back after 15 minutes, and says that now the women were throwing things at him and one even threw up when he walked past her.
The store owner says: Monsieur, the potato goes in the front of the suit!"

"So José, how was America?"

"Oh it was wonderful, amigo, those Americans are so kind. I went to go watch a real American baseball game but the tickets were all sold out. Feeling bummed out I walked around the side of the stadium when I saw a flag pole right next to the field! I climbed right up it and could see the whole baseball diamond with the players getting ready for the game."

"You had to watch from a flag pole? I thought you said the Americans were nice."
"Oh they are amigo! Before the game began every American stood up, looked right at me, and hollered, "José, can you see?"

Communist Russia wins the space race

Teacher: Ivan, tell us, who was the first country to land people on the Moon?
Ivan: It was our mother Russia, Comrade!
Teacher: Very good, Ivan! And what did the first Russian cosmonauts find on the Moon?
Ivan: The American flag, Comrade!

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides.
Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

Could have been me...

Sitting at a Red Light yesterday, minding my own business...patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to
me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to Americans!"
and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been
me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Man....that could have been me!

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green. Suddenly, a carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, pulled up next to me.

They had a wild-eyed look as they yelled "Allah HuAkbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" & waved their fists at me. Then they took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran right over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Unidentified Submarine

Three Americans are sitting inside their submarine when suddenly they see an unidentified sub on their radar. They try to radio the people inside but no one answers. So they decide the best way to figure out who it belongs to is to go out into the water and look for markings on the sub.
First guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "I couldn't see any markings on it...no clue who it is."
Second guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "yeah same here, no flags, marks, nothing."
Third guys goes out, comes back a minute later, laughing. First two guys are confused so they ask him what happened. He said,
"They're Romanians."
"How do you know that?" They ask him.
He says "I knocked and they opened."

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday...

...minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Praise Allah" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man... that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

I was waiting at a stop light yesterday...

Up next to me pulled a small car. It was full of Muslim t**... types shouting in a foreign language. The car had a half burnt American flag hanging on the side with "Remember 911" spray painted on the side. One of the men stuck his head out the window and shouted "Death to America!!!" They sped off right after before the light changed to green.
Out of nowhere an 18 wheeler slammed into the side of the car, crushing it and killing them all instantly.
I sat for a minute in shock. I thought to myself, that could have been me.
So this morning I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

A Mexican man was visiting America.

He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

Tommy doesn't want to go to Sunday school

Sunday morning, Tommy tells his mom, "I don't want to go to Sunday school anymore. I want to go to the real service with you and Daddy."
To his surprise, he gets his way. He sits in the main sanctuary for the first time, and he notices a display he hadn't seen before. There's an American flag and a few photographs of men and women in uniform.
After the sermon, he asks his mom what it is. She says, "That's a memorial for some members of our church who died in the service."
Really quietly, Tommy says, "I think I'll go to Sunday school next week."

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.
Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.
Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.
The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings
"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."
Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"

Disillusioned with the Republican Party, Donald Trump gets inspired...

Disillusioned with the Republican party, Trump wakes up one day with an idea. Summoning Mike Pence to his office, he lays out his vision.
"Mike, the Republican Party is a relic of the past. We need to start fresh with a brand new party of loyal Americans."
"That's brilliant sir, but what should we call our party?"
Trump thinks for a moment, and suddenly exclaims. "We'll base our party on the virtues of the flag! That will really underscore our American values."
"Well, there's already a red party and a blue party," Mike Pence thinks. "So that would make us..."
Trump Beams "The White Party!"

Little Suzy was upset and crying...

"What's wrong?" Asked her mother
"We learnt about the moon landing today." Said Suzy
"What's upsetting about that, I was a great American achievement." The mother explained
"Yeah but our teacher said that because of the sun the flag would turn white" Suzy sobbed out
"Yes that's because of the UV rays, why does that matter?" Said the mother trying to comfort her
Suzy explained her reasoning "Because if something happens to our records, people in the future will think that it wasn't us that went but the French."

The leaders of the USA, UK and Germany leaders are on a plane

With their assistants when the pilot gives them a warning about too much weight on the plane and some people would need to jump from the plane to prevent it from fall. The assistants decide to jump to save their countries. First came the German assistant, with a German flag. He screams "FOR GERMANY" and then jumps off the plane. Then, the English one come to the door, screams "RULE BRITANNIA" with a UK flag in hand and jump off too. Then, it's the time of the American assistant. He calmly walks to the door, pick a American flag and screams "FOR AMERICA"



And throw Donald Trump out of the plane

So I've heard the American flags on the moon are white now because of solar radiation.

Does this mean the French own it?

Why the US flag sells more in Iran than in America itself ?

They burn a lot American flags in Iran.

Make sure you all have extra pin backs for your mini American flag pins. I lost mine...

['N DA PIN DIDN'T STAY](#s)

How can you tell American tourists and Canadian tourists apart?

Canadian tourists have a small Canadian flag on their backpacks, but Americans have a big Canadian flag on theirs.

The American flag that was planted on the moon has turned white due to solar radiation.

Now future historians will think the French got there first.

A man named Jose moved to America...

A man named Jose moved to America and the first thing he does is go to a baseball game because it seemed like a very American thing to do. When he got there he had to sit by the flag and there were many tall people in front of him. Suddenly everyone in the stadium turned toward him and sang, "Jo-ose can you see!" He replied, "yes, thank you, I can."

A Mexican man walks onto a field in America and places his flag into the ground.

The owner of the field then says "Hey, what are you doing? This is America, what is your Mexican flag doing here?"
The Mexican looks confused at the American before replying "I hear this free country, yes? I buy America."

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these american flag jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.