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American Dad Jokes

32 american dad jokes and hilarious american dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about american dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest American Dad Short Jokes

Short american dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The american dad humour may include short family guy jokes also.

  1. Why don't Americans eat snails? Because they like fast-food.
    (This one actually came from my dad if that gets extra points.)
  2. I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights. For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.
  3. My dad once told me this one If you walk into the bathroom an American and come out of the bathroom an American, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
    European :^)
  4. Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
    Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad.
  5. My dad told me: Never say you can't. You're an AmeriCAN Not a MexiCan. My dad was a racist.
  6. Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man? The bond matures.
    Saw in American Dad
  7. Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold? The Hanky chief
    (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you)
    [No I am not a dad]
  8. My Dad's step brother Tom is African American I'm not sure what to call him without offending him
  9. Did you hear about the man whose mom is American and his dad is from Israel? He's Jew-ish.
  10. I am 6ft 2in of American Dad chubby! As long as I don't take off my clothes, I look more athletic than 95% of the world.
    I'm fat thick but you won't know that until it's too late ladies.

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American Dad One Liners

Which american dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with american dad? I can suggest the ones about christmas dad and bad dad.

  1. What do you call a kid who's mom is Chinese and who's dad is American? Yangkee

Amusing & Witty American Dad Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about american dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make american dad pranks.

t**... holding dad at gunpoint-

t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

The American dream:

To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$
My dad told me this one

A Pakistani boy took...

.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

Old Native American joke

A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"
The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.
"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.
"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."
The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,
"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"

My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona.

"You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"
*sigh* "No dad how did they decide on a name?"
"Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"
(Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona)
(I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)

An American is talking to a girl in Paris

She says her name is Belle.
"That's a pretty name"
"Thanks. It means 'beautiful'. What does 'Nick' mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's just something my dad came up with while shaving."

A Native American boy talks to his father,

Boy: Dad, why is my sister called 'Running Water'?
Father: Son, in our family we have a tradition. When our child is born we name them after the first thing we see in nature. Your sister was born next to a stream.
Boy: Oh ok. So my brother is called 'Soaring Eagle' because when he was born you saw a flying eagle?
Father: Yes that's correct. Hopefully you understand now 'Two Dogs f**...'.

I don't know why some Americans have a problem with a family consisting of two dads...

I mean, the country itself has forefathers.

Dad Joke of the Day

Dad: There's an easy way to find out if you have American Indian blood in you.
Son: How?
Dad: See you have it too.

I told my Italian American dad I got fired from my job because my boss found out I like to pee on people during s**....

Urophillia! He shouted

A japanese guy gets off the plane to New York

He needs American money so he goes to the bank but doesnt know much english. He goes to the teller and says "me, change" and hands over 10,000. The bank teller understands and takes it and hands over $100
The next day, he does the same thing and gives 10,000 yen to the teller but only gets $90 in return.
He says "last day i got $100, not $90 you made mistake"
The teller replies "flucuations"
The japanese guy is furious and a has a look of digust. He replies "well, f*** you white guy" and storms off.
*dont know if its repeated here but i remember my dad telling me somewhere a decade ago*

My dad told me today that we're distantly related to the Fugarwii Tribe of Native Americans.

This tribe was nomadic, and would wander all over the continental US. Unfortunately, as a tribe, they had a terrible sense of direction and would often get horribly lost.
The Fugarwii had scouts who's soul purpose was to remedy this: they would scout about, find the tallest mountain they could, and scale the mountain to its peak.
Once there, they would look about with their hand over their eyes like a visor. Then, the lead scout would turn to face the others and say "where the Fugarwii"

"How do we get our names?"

There was once a young Native American boy talking to his father.
"How do we get our names, dad?" The boy asked.
"Well, son," the boy's father replied, "after a baby is born we go out of the teepee and name the child after the first thing we see. This is why your great grandfather was Soaring Eagle, your grandfather is Running Elk, and I am Hopping Grasshopper."
The boy nodded, but still looked as though he was confused.
The boy's dad then asks, "Why do you ask, Two Dogs F*cking?"

A Native American Boy Walks into His Family Tipi

The boy looks at his father as he has grown curious in life lately and asks him,
"Dad, why is your name rising sun?"
The boys father looks at him and says,
"Well son, when i was born your grandparents went outside with me and that's the first thing they saw, the rising sun."
The boy seemed satisfied with the response for a moment then again questioned the father.
"Dad, why is grandpa named waxing moon?"
The boy's father looks at him and says,
"Well son, when your grandfather was born his parents took him outside and that's the first thing they saw, a waxing moon. Now tell me, two-dogs-f**..., why have you become so curious?

A Pakistani boy takes admission in an American School.

A Pakistani boy takes admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, you are in America now so from now on your name is Johnny.
The boy went home after his school ended and his mother asks him "How was the day Nadir?"
Boy : Mom, I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
The boy's Mom and Dad both get offended and beat him up. Next day he goes back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

My dads' version of the USSR joke

So the US trains a spy to go to the USSR and they do the full package: songs, how to drink like a russian, everything. So the deadline drops they send a spy fully clothed to survive the weather to Siberia. When the spy reaches the nearest town he goes to a bar to drink with the russians, he knows everything: songs, names of the drinks, by the end of the night he is a friend to everyone in the bar. When the first russian leaves saying "Ну пока Американси (Goodbye, american)". He asks another russian how did he know that he is an american the russian answers: "But Oleg, you're black"

USSR jokes about America

My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union:
So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English.
Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in the middle of Siberia. Freezing, he goes to the nearest house and knocks.
When the owner gets to the door, the spy says, "May I please have some shelter and food?"
The owner of the house replies, "..........YOU MUST BE SPY!"
The spy immediately is baffled and attempts to cover up, "What are you talking about?!"
"No black man speaks Russian!"

The genie

Three guys, a Canadian, o**... Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
o**... Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam then said, "Fill it with water"

jokes about american dad