The Best 22 American Dad Jokes

Following is our collection of funny American Dad jokes. There are some american dad carolinian jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these american dad bill nye puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest American Dad Jokes and Puns

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."

Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?

Dad: "About a pound and a half."

Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"

Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"

The American dream:

To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$

My dad told me this one

I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

A Pakistani boy took...

.... admission in an American school ...

Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir

Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.

Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?

Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.

Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...

Teacher : What happened Johnny ?

Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.


We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

Old Native American joke

A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"

The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.

"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.

"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."

The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,

"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"

My dad once told me this one

If you walk into the bathroom an American and come out of the bathroom an American, what are you when you're in the bathroom?

European :^)

Heisenberg's wife was unhappy...

because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.

Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad.

My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona.

"You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"

*sigh* "No dad how did they decide on a name?"

"Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"

(Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona)

(I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)

An American is talking to a girl in Paris

She says her name is Belle.
"That's a pretty name"
"Thanks. It means 'beautiful'. What does 'Nick' mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's just something my dad came up with while shaving."

You can explore american dad steve aoki reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean american dad son dad jokes. There are also american dad puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My dad told me: Never say you can't. You're an AmeriCAN

Not a MexiCan. My dad was a racist.

Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.

Saw in American Dad

Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold?

The Hanky chief

(Yes this is all my own work, I thank you)
[No I am not a dad]

My Dad's step brother Tom is African American

I'm not sure what to call him without offending him

Did you hear about the man whose mom is American and his dad is from Israel?

He's Jew-ish.

A Native American boy talks to his father,

Boy: Dad, why is my sister called 'Running Water'?

Father: Son, in our family we have a tradition. When our child is born we name them after the first thing we see in nature. Your sister was born next to a stream.

Boy: Oh ok. So my brother is called 'Soaring Eagle' because when he was born you saw a flying eagle?

Father: Yes that's correct. Hopefully you understand now 'Two Dogs Fucking'.

I am 6ft 2in of American Dad chubby!

As long as I don't take off my clothes, I look more athletic than 95% of the world.

I'm fat thick but you won't know that until it's too late ladies.

I don't know why some Americans have a problem with a family consisting of two dads...

I mean, the country itself has forefathers.


What do you call a kid who's mom is Chinese and who's dad is American?

Yangkee

Dad Joke of the Day

Dad: There's an easy way to find out if you have American Indian blood in you.
Son: How?
Dad: See you have it too.

I told my Italian American dad I got fired from my job because my boss found out I like to pee on people during sex.

Urophillia! He shouted

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the american dad code breaker jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working american dad arnold schwarzeneggers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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