America Jokes

Let the laughter roll with this collection of America jokes! We have jokes about oil, guns, the caucus, Americanization, and America vs. Canada, India, and more. Read on to crack up with these classic funny bits.

Cheeky America Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in Franceο»Ώ.

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

jokes about america

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it's always too soon.

^(i feel bad)

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

America joke, I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separ

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

You can explore america americanize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean america immigrants dad jokes. There are also america puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"

The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"

The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.

"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.

The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

You the bomb.

No, you the bomb.

A compliment in America.

An argument in the Middle East.

What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.

America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

America joke, America sure is having some bad luck

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

My girlfriend asked me, "If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?"

I said, "America."

In Russia you watch tv

In America tv watches you.

What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance?

Neither because they live in America.

The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.

Thanks,

America.

America joke, Dear God,

In America, dogs are k-9s

But in China, dogs are e-10

Americans do use the metric system...

Because they use 9mms at school.

America is going through such bad luck at the moment

It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
Β 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

Why are Americans so dumb?

Because they shoot the ones that go to school

Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us Β£50M by Sunday morning....

We'll return him back to you.

The American Government is just like a car...

If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ?

They can't defend the towers

With all the bad things happenning in america right now,

you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.

As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.

It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.

America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona

By keeping the first one going

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

Americas curve is flattening alright.

Just vertically instead of horizontally.

Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

because they practice at the best schools

Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?

America

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.

"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"

He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.

"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"

"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"

"There are no black Russians"

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

An African man visits his friend in the US

I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!

You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.

Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this damn country .

Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

Trumpty Dumpty

Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall

Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the golf courses and all the white men

Couldn't Make America Great Again

America won the war against COVID the same way they won the war against Vietnam

It got too expensive and they just declared it was over.

I want my 11780 dollars.

Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.

An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good," she replies.

"And did you bring something home for me?"

"Something, did I forget?" she asks.

"The Italian girl I asked for," he replies jokingly.

"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?

Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.

An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.

He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.

He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?"

The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."

A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger

The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"

The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by their government and the media.

But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

What does the H in America stand for?

Healthcare

Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?

Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.

As an American, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore.

I just bought this new TV and it says Built-in Antenna. I don't even know where that is.

Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries.

Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!

Brittney Griner and Viktor Bout are talking during prisoner exchange, arguing about who lives in a freer country.

Brittney says, "America is the best! I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country."

"Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too."

"You can?" Brittney says.

"Sure," says Viktor. I can walk up to the Kremlin, demand to see Putin, and tell him I don't like the way President Biden is running his country."




(Stolen from an old Reagan joke)

A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.

A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table.

"Comrade President! What is wrong?"

"I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!"

"Da, Vlad, I see. Everything will be OK. Why don't we lie down and rest? But first, let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

Name one superhero that can beat Captain America...

Captain Vietnam

An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman are eating breakfast with their wives

The American says to his wife: "Please pass me the honey, honey"

Then the Englishman requests: "Please pass me the sugar, sugar," to his wife.

The Scotsman thinks for a second, then bickers "Pass me the milk, ya cow!"

In America, "five finger discount" means you're shoplifting

In Saudi Arabia, "five finger discount" means you got caught shoplifting.

Americans are the best at solving Rubik's Cube

They have a long history of sorting and separating colours

An American cannibal visits Germany. What does he have for lunch?

A Hamburger.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the america america gun puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working america america oil piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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