america Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious america puns

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators


North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.


Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in Franceο»Ώ.


Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.


Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it's always too soon.

^(i feel bad)


My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..


Why are Americans so dumb?

Because they shoot the ones that go to school


Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us Β£50M by Sunday morning....

We'll return him back to you.


As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?


What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.


In America, dogs are k-9s

But in China, dogs are e-10


The American Government is just like a car...

If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)


America sure is having some bad luck

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.


A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?


America is going through such bad luck at the moment

It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...


Americans do use the metric system...

Because they use 9mms at school.


An American walks into a pub in Australia...

...says ''I'll have a bud light.'' The bartender replies ''You're an American, right?'' The guy says ''How did you know, was it the beer or my accent?'' To which the bartender replies ''Neither, you're the fattest fuck i've ever seen in my life.''


Half of men in America watch porn everyday.

The other half are waiting for Comcast to fix their internet connection.

*Thanks for the gold kind stranger.


9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.


The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most.

Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.


the head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar..

the brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light.

the brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite.

the brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke.

"a Diet Coke?!," exclaim the others.. "don't you drink Guinness?"

"well shit no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one," he complained.


Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.


Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world

Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world


So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.


An American walks into an English pub and orders a Budweiser

Barman: Oh, you must be American.

American: You can tell from my order and accent, huh?

Barman: No, because you're the fattest fuck I've ever seen.


The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.


What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture


Why did America remove the "u" from "colour"?

Because fuck u

that's why


I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.


What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.


Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance?

Neither because they live in America.


Why Doesn't American English Use a "U" in Words Like Color and Flavor (Colour and Flavour)?

Because fuck U, that's why.


In Russia you watch tv

In America tv watches you.


An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"

The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"

The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.

"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.

The American turns around. "He killed my wife."


The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.

Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.


What are the most funny America jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about America? Well, here are the best America dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and America pick up lines to share with friends.

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