The Best 70 America Jokes
Following is our collection of funny America jokes. There are some america liberty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these america miss america puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest America Jokes and Puns
If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We'll take the aliens, you get the predators
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in Franceο»Ώ.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties
It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..
I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.
They've left those kids a loan.
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
You can explore america americanize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean america immigrants dad jokes. There are also america puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
You the bomb.
No, you the bomb.
A compliment in America.
An argument in the Middle East.
What happens when you take a joke too far?
The 45th President of the United States of America.
America sure is having some bad luck
It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?
To stop hispanic attacks.
Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world
Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world
TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.
Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.
My girlfriend asked me, "If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?"
I said, "America."
In Russia you watch tv
In America tv watches you.
What's the difference between America and cheese?
If left for a while, cheese develops culture.
Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance?
Neither because they live in America.
The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...
Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?
Dear God,
If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America.
In America, dogs are k-9s
But in China, dogs are e-10
Americans do use the metric system...
Because they use 9mms at school.
America is going through such bad luck at the moment
It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Β
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
Β
The clerk said, Kiss my ass⦠get out⦠and stay out!
Β
The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β Do you have it in paperback?
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A USB.
What's the difference between Thailand and America?
Thailand reunites boys with their families.
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us Β£50M by Sunday morning....
We'll return him back to you.
The American Government is just like a car...
If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...
People will eventually get over it.
Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ?
They can't defend the towers
With all the bad things happenning in america right now,
you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
As an American, I see a lot of jokes here saying that America is the dumbest country.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona
By keeping the first one going
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
Americas curve is flattening alright.
Just vertically instead of horizontally.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
because they practice at the best schools
Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?
America
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?
The United States of America.
An American spy comes into a Soviet bar
And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this damn country .
Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.
We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.
Trumpty Dumpty
Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the golf courses and all the white men
Couldn't Make America Great Again
America won the war against COVID the same way they won the war against Vietnam
It got too expensive and they just declared it was over.
I want my 11780 dollars.
Dear Bank of America, I just want to find 11780 more dollars in my savings account.Everyone at your bank counted wrong.
An American woman goes to Italy on business and asks her husband what she could bring back for him.
He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"
When she returns home he picks her up at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good," she replies.
"And did you bring something home for me?"
"Something, did I forget?" she asks.
"The Italian girl I asked for," he replies jokingly.
"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."
How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten.
One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.
85%of people in America don't know basic math.
Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.
He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.
He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?"
The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."
A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger
The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"
The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by their government and the media.
But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
What does the H in America stand for?
Healthcare
Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?
Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
Hey did you guys know South America is getting overpopulated?
Yea, there's like a brazilian people there.
A American, a French man, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street performance
They were in the back peeking through the crowd of people, The performer noticed them struggling to see and notices a wooden box nearby. Without stopping his performance he stands on the box and says, "Can u see me"
They reply
"Yes"
"Oui
"SΓ"
"Ja".
How come there aren't any knock-knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
As an American, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore.
I just bought this new TV and it says Built-in Antenna. I don't even know where that is.
You're American when when you are not in the restroom...
But while you're in there, European.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
What's up with the american military?
I keep asking them what's the lowest rank and they keep telling me it's private.
What's the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump?
Benedict Arnold once fought for America.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the america america knock knock jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working america captain america piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.