Following is our collection of Americ jokes which are very funny. There are some americ counter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these americ americanize puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Foot fetish
We'll take the aliens, you get the predators
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."
has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. β¦β¦Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. β¦.Are you whales from Ireland?
Because he was Snow'den.
weighs as much as the other two combined
I live next door to a hot 10 year old girl.
Because they cant defend their towers.
Free healthcare
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
You can explore americ leicester reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean americ dispute dad jokes. There are also americ puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Dress them up as dead lions
Because they always shoot the black ones first...
They always shoot the black ones first.
^^^^sorry...
An American teen girl gets stoned *before* she has sex.
They've left those kids a loan.
They're afraid of change.
They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.
because they can't protect their towers
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great whites.
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.
After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.
He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"
The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."
They have the best schools for it.
inch by inch.
The Air Force, because its US AF.
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
Because they don't have 2 towers.
It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
To stop hispanic attacks.
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
In Germany, it's called "This is Why Grandpa Lives in Argentina"
Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
They can't defend towers.
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.
But in China, dogs are e-10
Because they use 9mms at school.
In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs
It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
Tell them it's nearly finished.
The other 20% are dead
Social Security.
Because we can't defend towers
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$
My dad told me this one
Not owning your own home.
"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."ο»Ώ
He learned fish swim in schools
People will eventually get over it.
They can't defend the towers
In China some dogs are E-10
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
By keeping the first one going
I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.
That would cause mass confusion.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the hell do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
Just vertically instead of horizontally.
because they practice at the best schools
He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.
"Did I come here to die?" he asks.
The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"
In China, dogs are E10.
And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"
In Europe we call them Royals
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.
There are also a lot of people in certain locations
The American began to boast about his country, claiming it's the land of the free.
"I could walk straight up to the White House and shout "Death to the American President" and nothing happens to me."
Hearing this the Russian smirked
"I too can walk up to the Kremlin and shout " Death to the American President", nothing bad happens to me either"
It got too expensive and they just declared it was over.
Americans are so lucky that wherever they fight terrorism they manage to find oil.
Everyone I've met been talking about feet.
When he switched to metric system
The American gets up, goes to the window (it's not *that* small a plane) pulls a wad of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window.
"In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away."
The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window.
"In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!"
The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him out the window.
"In Ukraine, we have plenty of Russians!"
People can't even agree on what year it is right now
It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States
β This claim is disputed
25 to life
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the americ words jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working americ square piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.