Following is our collection of leicester humor and counter one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Americ puns for adults, dirty dispute jokes or clean americanize gags for kids.
There is an abundance of words jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 82 funniest jokes on americ. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any square witze you can hear about americ.
We'll take the aliens, you get the predators
Because it's always too soon.
^(i feel bad)
By keeping the first one going
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Because they shoot the ones that go to school
But in China, dogs are e-10
If you want it to go forward you put it in (D) and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R)
It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
They can't defend the towers
Just vertically instead of horizontally.
And orders a drink.
"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.
The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.
"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"
The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.
"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"
He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.
"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"
"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"
"There are no black Russians"
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
Because they use 9mms at school.
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
To stop hispanic attacks.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
They've left those kids a loan.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Nobody knows what may happen.
Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.
because they practice at the best schools
People will eventually get over it.
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
The Air Force, because its US AF.
None; they're content to wander around in the dark pretending everything's okay.
Tell them it's nearly finished.
When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great whites.
He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.
"Did I come here to die?" he asks.
The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"
That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.
because they can't protect their towers
Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."ο»Ώ
American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".
During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming C'est le mauvais trou . He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he's pleasing her. Over and over again, C'est le mauvais trou!
The next day, he's playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says C'est le mauvais trou!
The client replies What the hell do you mean that's the wrong hole?!
Because they don't have 2 towers.
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
In China, dogs are E10.
They have the best schools for it.
An American teen girl gets stoned *before* she has sex.
The other 20% are dead
Foot fetish
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.
They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.
In Europe we call them Royals
Because we can't defend towers
Because they cant defend their towers.
They always shoot the black ones first.
^^^^sorry...
He learned fish swim in schools
The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.
After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.
He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"
The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."
They can't defend towers.
In China some dogs are E-10
To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$
My dad told me this one
I live next door to a hot 10 year old girl.
Because they always shoot down the black one first.
Because he was Snow'den.
In the 60's and 70's America was fighting a war, on drugs
Free healthcare
They're afraid of change.
Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.
has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. β¦β¦Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. β¦.Are you whales from Ireland?
While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"
That would cause mass confusion.
In Germany, it's called "This is Why Grandpa Lives in Argentina"
Dress them up as dead lions
inch by inch.
Because they always shoot the black ones first...
"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"
that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."
weighs as much as the other two combined
Social Security.
Not owning your own home.
But at least we invented the hamburger
He says, "I can literally walk up to the oval office and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country' and I won't get into any problem at all!"
The Soviet replies, "I can do the exact same, too. I too can literally walk up to the Red Square and say, 'Comrade Brezhnev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country' and not get into any problem!"
He was snowden
the Air Force. They're USAF.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."
Inch by inch
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.