Following is our collection of costco humor and retailers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amazon puns for adults, dirty online jokes or clean paypal gags for kids.
There is an abundance of courier jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on amazon. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alexa witze you can hear about amazon.
I'll let you know.
I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
Prime mates.
All they had was 13,749 matches.
would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Amazon kindle.
Amazon Prime.
I told him I thought the CIA was listening. He laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Amazon Prime
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
Amazon Prime
I want to see which one comes first.
The police are still looking for a prime suspect
Amazon.
I told her that she must have Amazon Prime
That sail has shipped.
It was secondhand.
The Amazon River actually has sails.
Would that make her Amazon Prime?
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
But they only had 112.422 matches.
Amazon Prime.
I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
The Amazon Showroom.
2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.
I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Once there was a tourist lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"
All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."
So the tourist looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashes the life out of the chief, who is standing right in front of him. The chief is down on the ground, bleeding and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief.
Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're screwed."
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "NOW you are screwed."
We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby
I'll let you know.
A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say "don't kill us" and the amazonians say "We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want."
They ask the german what he wants. He says "I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat'em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot." So they fill the cave up with sausages.
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says "I want women. I want women everywhere. I don't what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women." So they fill the cave up with women.
They ask the greek guy. He says "I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years." So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.
10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german's cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.
They open the frenchman's cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman humping away at another woman in bed.
they open the greek guy's cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says "A lighter...........give me a lighter!"
When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will go to waste. We will ground your bones to make powder. We will use your teeth for necklaces and jewelry. Your skin will be tanned and stretched out across a frame to make canoes, and so on." He adds," I will give you all a knife, and you can kill yourselves how you want", he says untiing them. He hands a knife to the French man, he yells, "VIVA LA FRANCE!", and slits his throat. The Japanese man is next. He takes the knife, yells,"BANZIA!", and commits a hari-kari. Then, the American takes the knife, stabs holes all over his body, and says,"THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' CANOE!"
Three friends travelling through the Amazon jungles become lost, when all of a sudden they are snared up in a huge net. Suddenly, 100 angry looking tribesmen appear and drag the 3 men back to the village.
When they arrived at the village, the chief comes out and says in broken English "You trespass on our sacred land. You have two options, death or Bunga"!
The first man thinks about his family back home and chooses Bunga. Ten of the largest tribesmen come over, pick the man up, bend him over and each has their way with him.
The next man, also thinking of his family, chooses Bunga despite how horrible that looked. Again, 10 giant tribesmen come over and have their way with the man.
The third man is brought up to the chief, and he looks over at his two friends who are passed out from what just happened. He thinks about how he has no family and nothing worth enduring what his friends suffered, so he chooses death.
The chief, perplexed, says, "Hmm, nobody ever choose death before". After thinking a minute the chief proclaims, "Death by Bunga"!
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals.
Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: **"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."**
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief.
He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: **"*Now* you're screwed."**
Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."
Interviewer: So, what's your experience in the field? Where have you worked?
Man: I have worked in the Amazon forest, in Canada and in the Sahara desert
Interviewer: In the Sahara desert? But there are no trees there
Man: Yeah, now
I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.
Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?
You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.
Because the name Dropbox is already taken
Turns out I was in denial
The NSA
Today is Amazon's birthday. Many happy returns, Amazon!
I've put it on my wish list.
Amazon Prime
They don't care who pees in what bottle.
They never have positive reviews.
But nobody buys it.
Because they de-liver for free.
I'll be sure to let you know which one wins so we can settle this once and for all.
What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.
I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.
Now all we have to do is wait..
If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.
All I got was a blank CD.
That's it
It's been a week since I hit the pizza button and they have yet to deliver.
Primates
A Missionary in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the Missionary teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "
Down by the river they saw a couple making love. Missionary blushes and tells to a guy in the boat: They are riding a bicycle.
Native takes bow and an arrow from boat and takes a shoot at guy who makes love to an woman.
Missionary is horrified: What are you doing?!?
Native responds: He rides my bicycle.
Guess what I said when she caught me browsing Tinder?
But there are no reviews for it...
iPhone
Facebook
Google
Amazon
Android
Twitter
Instagram
iPod
Yahoo
YouTube
Snapchat
Spotify
Tesla
Skype
Uber
Airbnb
Bitcoin
Fitbit
Emojis
iPad
and
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Croatia
Amazon is a Prime example.
The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."
He told me not to spend it all in one place though
Then you've got another thing coming.
Apparently my bosses at Amazon didn't get the memo
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself,
Explorer-"Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out:
God-"No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again:
God-"NOW you're screwed."
Amazon
Don't worry its bark is worse than its bite.
Publix, Wegmans and Trader Joe's came up on their recommended purchases list.
Thick and will hold my stuff.
(Found this on an Amazon review)
Is there a Doctor?!!! The people cried.
It was pretty mediocre and she constantly tried to make me pay for it.
It's really hot and he wants to swim in the cool water. He asks a local:
-Are there any crocodiles in the river?
The local guy:
-No, there are no crocodiles...
The tourist jumps into the water.
The local:
-...because piranhas ate all of them!
Because we sell so many sex toys.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.