Amazon Jokes

Following is our collection of costco humor and retailers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amazon puns for adults, dirty online jokes or clean paypal gags for kids.

There is an abundance of courier jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on amazon. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alexa witze you can hear about amazon.

The Best jokes about Amazon

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today

I'll let you know.

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house...

I told her, "Fear of the CIA".

She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo

You know the razor blade works...

when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.

All they had was 13,749 matches.


If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together

would they call it Amazon Web Services?

What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?

Amazon kindle.

What would you call a Crossover between Wonder Woman and Transformers?

Amazon Prime.

My son asked me why I was whispering all quiet.

I told him I thought the CIA was listening. He laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.

What's the derivative of Amazon?

Amazon Prime

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan


What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?

Amazon Prime

I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon....

I want to see which one comes first.

I had to report my stolen amazon package

The police are still looking for a prime suspect

Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?

Amazon.

My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie...

I told her that she must have Amazon Prime

After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.

That sail has shipped.

An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon...

It was secondhand.

What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River?

The Amazon River actually has sails.


If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior

Would that make her Amazon Prime?

If you login to Amazon

and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........


But if you don't login, you'll save 100%

I was looking for a lighter on amazon...

But they only had 112.422 matches.

What do you call a Transformer in a cardboard box?

Amazon Prime.

I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today

I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.

What's another name for Best Buy?

The Amazon Showroom.

Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement.

2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.

Amazon

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

A tourist is lost in the deepest part of the Amazon...

Once there was a tourist lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm screwed!!"

All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."

So the tourist looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashes the life out of the chief, who is standing right in front of him. The chief is down on the ground, bleeding and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief.

Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're screwed."

I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus from Amazon that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon...

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "NOW you are screwed."

I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word.

We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby

I bought a chicken and an egg off of Amazon today...

I'll let you know.

A german, a frenchman, and a greek crash in the amazon

A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say "don't kill us" and the amazonians say "We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want."

They ask the german what he wants. He says "I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat'em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot." So they fill the cave up with sausages.
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says "I want women. I want women everywhere. I don't what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women." So they fill the cave up with women.
They ask the greek guy. He says "I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years." So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.


10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german's cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.
They open the frenchman's cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman humping away at another woman in bed.
they open the greek guy's cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says "A lighter...........give me a lighter!"

A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will go to waste. We will ground your bones to make powder. We will use your teeth for necklaces and jewelry. Your skin will be tanned and stretched out across a frame to make canoes, and so on." He adds," I will give you all a knife, and you can kill yourselves how you want", he says untiing them. He hands a knife to the French man, he yells, "VIVA LA FRANCE!", and slits his throat. The Japanese man is next. He takes the knife, yells,"BANZIA!", and commits a hari-kari. Then, the American takes the knife, stabs holes all over his body, and says,"THERE'S YOUR FUCKIN' CANOE!"

Bunga

Three friends travelling through the Amazon jungles become lost, when all of a sudden they are snared up in a huge net. Suddenly, 100 angry looking tribesmen appear and drag the 3 men back to the village.

When they arrived at the village, the chief comes out and says in broken English "You trespass on our sacred land. You have two options, death or Bunga"!

The first man thinks about his family back home and chooses Bunga. Ten of the largest tribesmen come over, pick the man up, bend him over and each has their way with him.

The next man, also thinking of his family, chooses Bunga despite how horrible that looked. Again, 10 giant tribesmen come over and have their way with the man.

The third man is brought up to the chief, and he looks over at his two friends who are passed out from what just happened. He thinks about how he has no family and nothing worth enduring what his friends suffered, so he chooses death.

The chief, perplexed, says, "Hmm, nobody ever choose death before". After thinking a minute the chief proclaims, "Death by Bunga"!

An explorer in the Amazon finds himself surrounded by a group of cannibals.

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals.

Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."

There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: **"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."**

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief.

He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again: **"*Now* you're screwed."**

Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review

Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.

I was honest with my review: "This telescope sucked. Two Stars."

A man goes to an interview for a lumberman position​

Interviewer: So, what's your experience in the field? Where have you worked?

Man: I have worked in the Amazon forest, in Canada and in the Sahara desert

Interviewer: In the Sahara desert? But there are no trees there

Man: Yeah, now

My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do.

I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.

Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?


You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

Why did Amazon name their drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air?

Because the name Dropbox is already taken

Yesterday I thought I was in the Amazon river

Turns out I was in denial

The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, Snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year?

The NSA

Amazon's birthday

Today is Amazon's birthday. Many happy returns, Amazon!

I just saw a book on Amazon called "Overcome Procrastination"

I've put it on my wish list.

What's the name of the Transformer that likes to shop?

Amazon Prime

I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".

They don't care who pees in what bottle.

Why are suicide kits so hard to sell on Amazon?

They never have positive reviews.

I wrote a book about how to tell a believable joke story and I'm selling it on Amazon

But nobody buys it.

A registered organ donor passed away. His body was sent to Amazon Prime...

Because they de-liver for free.

Just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon

I'll be sure to let you know which one wins so we can settle this once and for all.

There is an isolated indigenous tribe that lives in the Amazon.

What's interesting about them is that in their language they only have words for numbers 1 and 2, and every number higher than 2 is just 'many'. You have 3 kids? You have many kids, You caught 20 fish? You caught many fish.

I guess trying to come up with words for three numbers was just one too many.

I ordered a chicken and egg on Amazon today....

Now all we have to do is wait..

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

So I ordered the Best of Pitbull CD off Amazon.

All I got was a blank CD.

I paid more tax than amazon

That's it

I'm returning my microwave to Amazon.

It's been a week since I hit the pizza button and they have yet to deliver.

Sources say Amazon to invest in maternity wards in hopes of expanding their delivery services.

What do you call two people who share an amazon account?

Primates

A Missionary in South America

A Missionary in South America teaches native indigenous tribesman to English language. They paddling on a boat on the Amazon River and the Missionary teaches him: "This is a river. This is a forest. These are the trees. There are leaves on them. "

Down by the river they saw a couple making love. Missionary blushes and tells to a guy in the boat: They are riding a bicycle.
Native takes bow and an arrow from boat and takes a shoot at guy who makes love to an woman.

Missionary is horrified: What are you doing?!?

Native responds: He rides my bicycle.

My wife said, don't worry "I'm just windowshopping" while on zalando, amazon and aliexpress.

Guess what I said when she caught me browsing Tinder?

I wanted to buy a noose on Amazon...

But there are no reviews for it...

Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
.

.


.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.


Croatia

You know, online shopping services are really successful nowadays...

Amazon is a Prime example.

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

My dad bought me an amazon gift card for my birthday recently

He told me not to spend it all in one place though

f you think Amazon always delivers what you ordered...

Then you've got another thing coming.

I heard the professional boxers are among the highest paid people in the world

Apparently my bosses at Amazon didn't get the memo

Explorer in the amazon

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by what appears to be a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself,
Explorer-"Oh God, I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out:
God-"No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again:
God-"NOW you're screwed."

Where does Wonder Woman get her stuff from?

Amazon

Did you hear they discovered a carnivorous tree in the Amazon?

Don't worry its bark is worse than its bite.

Just logged into Amazon's Amazon account...

Publix, Wegmans and Trader Joe's came up on their recommended purchases list.

I like my men like I like my backpacks

Thick and will hold my stuff.










(Found this on an Amazon review)

A plane crashed into the deepest parts of the amazon forest.

Is there a Doctor?!!! The people cried.

I slept with a girl who works for Amazon Prime Video last night.

It was pretty mediocre and she constantly tried to make me pay for it.

A tourist walks near Amazon river on a very hot day.

It's really hot and he wants to swim in the cool water. He asks a local:

-Are there any crocodiles in the river?

The local guy:

-No, there are no crocodiles...

The tourist jumps into the water.

The local:

-...because piranhas ate all of them!

So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes