Amazon Jokes

145 amazon jokes and hilarious amazon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about amazon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of Amazon jokes. From AmazonBasics to Amazon Prime, we've got all the jokes you need to keep you entertained.

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Funniest Amazon Short Jokes

Short amazon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amazon humour may include short apple jokes also.

  1. My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
    She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
  2. I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late. That sail has shipped.
  3. My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.
  4. If Wonder Woman and spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
  5. I'm unhappy with prime day Amazon Prime day is on the 21st. I personally would not partake of Prime day unless it were on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th, 11th, 13th, 17th, 19th, 23rd, 29th, or 31st
  6. My son asked me why I was whispering all quiet. I told him I thought the CIA was listening. He laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
  7. Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
  8. My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie... I told her that she must have Amazon Prime
  9. After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order. That sail has shipped.
  10. An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon... It was secondhand.

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Amazon One Liners

Which amazon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amazon? I can suggest the ones about warehouse and shops.

  1. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
  2. You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
  3. What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
  4. Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll? He is renaming it to Amazon Weeb Services.
  5. I tried to look up lighters in Amazon. All they had was 13,749 matches.
  6. What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire? Amazon kindle.
  7. What would you call a Crossover between Wonder Woman and Transformers? Amazon Prime.
  8. What's the derivative of Amazon? Amazon Prime
  9. I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
  10. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know what comes first.
  11. I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.... I want to see which one comes first.
  12. I had to report my stolen amazon package The police are still looking for a prime suspect
  13. Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff? Amazon.
  14. I bought a boomerang on Amazon... ...but only because of their 100% return policy.
  15. Jeff Bezos stepped down as CEO of Amazon. Quit when he was in his Prime.

Amazon Prime Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazon prime jokes and even better amazon prime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
  • If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior Would that make her Amazon Prime?
  • What do you call a Transformer in a cardboard box? Amazon Prime.
  • Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
  • How do Australians order monkies? Amazon Prime, mate.
  • Jeff Bezos has never been the President of Amazon. Just the Prime Minister.
  • Did you hear Jeff Bezos is stepping down from Amazon? Odd, since he was in his Prime.
  • Why did Amazon name their drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air? Because the name Dropbox is already taken
  • Best way to vaccinate the masses Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
    Everyone will have it by Saturday.
    Thursday if you have Prime.
  • What transformer is made out of cardboard and shows up in two days? Amazon prime

Amazon Review Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazon review jokes and even better amazon review puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
  • I wanted to buy a noose on Amazon... But there are no reviews for it...
  • You know the knife is good... When no one left a review on Amazon.
  • I like my men like I like my backpacks Thick and will hold my stuff.
    (Found this on an Amazon review)
  • When shopping for a vacuum on amazon, never trust a 5 star review. There is no such thing as a perfect vacuum.
  • How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one? If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
  • Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
    I was honest with my review: "This telescope s**.... Two Stars."
  • Why are s**... kits so hard to sell on Amazon? They never have positive reviews.
  • Amazon review for 20' rope. **** - this is simply the most amazing, durable, and soft rope ever!
    Last one I'll ever need! - Kate S.
Amazon joke, Amazon review for 20' rope.

Amazon Alexa Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazon alexa jokes and even better amazon alexa puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa? One's a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman…
  • Amazon just released an oil defuser that works like Alexa but 100% controlled with your mind!! It makes scents when you think about it..
  • My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do. I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.
  • Why Amazon bought Whole Foods Jeff Bezos: Alexa buy olives from Whole Foods
    Alexa: Buying all of Whole Foods
    Jeff: No Olives... Meh I can afford it go ahead.
  • I told my Dad I'd got a new app that would make Amazon Alexa be my girlfriend. Dad: "You can do much better than that."
    Me: "Thanks."
    Dad: "I was talking to Alexa."
  • Amazon Alexa is sexist.
  • My friend just got an Amazon Echo. I said, "Alexa, hi, how are y--" She said, "I have a boyfriend."
  • Amazon has Muslim version of Alexa Al Exa
  • What do you get when you put 30 cents into a jukebox? Nickelback
    Not sure where the joke originated but heard it from Amazon Alexa
  • Amazon Alexa's flirting with me. That was after I turned her on.

Amazon Echo Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazon echo jokes and even better amazon echo puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year? The NSA
  • What do you call people who don't understand Amazon Echo? Dysalexaic

Amazon Rainforest Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazon rainforest jokes and even better amazon rainforest puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got lost in the rainforest and I needed supplies So I ordered from Amazon!
  • Honestly, vegans should stop If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.
  • Why is Amazon a rainforest? Because it has all the clouds.
    Lame tech joke, sorry!!
  • My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her. Too much salt, if you ask me.
Amazon joke, My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in t

Hilarious Amazon Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about amazon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean auction jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amazon pranks.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?

You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

Yesterday I thought I was in the Amazon river

Turns out I was in denial

Amazon's birthday

Today is Amazon's birthday. Many happy returns, Amazon!

Just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon

I'll be sure to let you know which one wins so we can settle this once and for all.

A registered o**... donor passed away. His body was sent to Amazon Prime...

Because they de-liver for free.

I was looking for a lighter on amazon...

But they only had 112.422 matches.

What do you get when Wonder Woman has s**... with a transformer?

Amazon Prime

A man goes to an interview for a lumberman position​

Interviewer: So, what's your experience in the field? Where have you worked?
Man: I have worked in the Amazon forest, in Canada and in the Sahara desert
Interviewer: In the Sahara desert? But there are no trees there
Man: Yeah, now

Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement.

2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.

What's another name for Best Buy?

The Amazon Showroom.

What's the name of the Transformer that likes to shop?

Amazon Prime

If you login to Amazon

and other retailers websites for thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........

But if you don't login, you'll save 100%

I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".

They don't care who pees in what bottle.

I wrote a book about how to tell a believable joke story and I'm selling it on Amazon

But nobody buys it.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

I just saw a book on Amazon called "Overcome Procrastination"

I've put it on my wish list.

I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word.

We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby

I bought a chicken and an egg off of Amazon today...

I'll let you know.


I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus from Amazon that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have s**... shooting with prizes.

I started a new job as an Amazon delivery driver today. When I got to my first address there was a note saying 'Dear delivery man, we're out, please hide in garbage'

That was eight hours ago and still no one has found me

I'm binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won't let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.

But all I found was 12,943 matches.

I was just reading a great book saying that if a company does anything unethical, people will stop supporting it and it'll go out of business.

Here's the Amazon link to it!

What do you call the leader of Amazon Cooking?

Chef Bezos.

The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"

Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

I called Amazon and told them all my packages were late...

... and got the wildest excuse EVER GIVEN.

Jeff Bezos is no longer the President of Amazon.

But he's still the Prime Minister.

Went to buy a lighter on Amazon,

when I searched, it said, "4.2 million matches found!" Guess I'll have to go to the store.

Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon?

He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.

Did you know you can order eggs and chickens on Amazon?

I'll let you know which comes first.

I saw a book on Amazon titled How to Solve 50% of your life's problems.

Naturally I ordered two copies.

Jeff Bezos' Advice

An Amazon employee greets Bezos shortly after his successful spaceflight and gives him a hearty congratulations. Jeff responds, "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals and work with determination, I should be able to squeeze in 2 more flights before Christmas."

The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle

He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…

I saw a book on Amazon, How to reduce your life's problems by 50%.

Naturally I ordered two copies.

Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.

Because of the telly ban.

What's the difference between Amazon and prison?

You can sit down in prison

Amazon Thesaurus

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon, but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am

Because I try to be honest with myself, for Christmas I got my mom a book called "But, I'm Still Your Mom: How to Deal With Your Disappointing Grown Children"

Amazon says it should be here by the 29th.

Amazon doesn't actually drug test their workers.

They just want to make sure everyone can pee into a cup.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.

I'll keep you posted.

I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived.

Customer service told me they're dealing with it.

Amazon joke, I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived.

jokes about amazon