Hilarious Amazon Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today
I'll let you know.
Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?
You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.
Yesterday I thought I was in the Amazon river
Turns out I was in denial
Amazon's birthday
Today is Amazon's birthday. Many happy returns, Amazon!
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River?
The Amazon River actually has sails.
Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff?
Amazon.
Amazon Asked Me to Write a Review
Amazon asked for feedback on the used telescope I bought from their site.
I was honest with my review: "This telescope s**.... Two Stars."
What's the derivative of Amazon?
Amazon Prime
I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon....
I want to see which one comes first.
An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon...
It was secondhand.
I was looking for a lighter on amazon...
But they only had 112.422 matches.
You can explore amazon shopping reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amazon store dad jokes. There are also amazon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.
All they had was 13,749 matches.
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house...
I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
What do you get when Wonder Woman has s**... with a transformer?
Amazon Prime
Why did Amazon name their drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air?
Because the name Dropbox is already taken
A man goes to an interview for a lumberman position
Interviewer: So, what's your experience in the field? Where have you worked?
Man: I have worked in the Amazon forest, in Canada and in the Sahara desert
Interviewer: In the Sahara desert? But there are no trees there
Man: Yeah, now
Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement.
2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.
If Wonder Woman is the best female warrior
Would that make her Amazon Prime?
What would you call a Crossover between Wonder Woman and Transformers?
Amazon Prime.
You know the razor blade works...
when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.
What's another name for Best Buy?
The Amazon Showroom.
I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today
I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
The Apple iPhone 8, Samsung Galaxy S8, Snapchat Spectacles, and the Amazon Echo Show all came out in 2017. Who won the year?
The NSA
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do.
I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.
What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie...
I told her that she must have Amazon Prime
Guy calls in on radio show
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together
would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I had to report my stolen amazon package
The police are still looking for a prime suspect
I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word.
We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby
I bought a chicken and an egg off of Amazon today...
I'll let you know.
What do you call a Transformer in a cardboard box?
Amazon Prime.
Amazon
I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
My son asked me why I was whispering all quiet.
I told him I thought the CIA was listening. He laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
After buying a new sail for my boat, Amazon told me it's too late to cancel my order.
That sail has shipped.
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus from Amazon that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
How do Australians order monkies?
Amazon Prime, mate.
My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday
So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.
Amazon just got approved for drone delivery
We now have s**... shooting with prizes.
Jeff Bezos has never been the President of Amazon.
Just the Prime Minister.
I'm binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won't let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.
Those are only available on Amazon Prime.
I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.
But all I found was 12,943 matches.
I was just reading a great book saying that if a company does anything unethical, people will stop supporting it and it'll go out of business.
Here's the Amazon link to it!
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.
That sail has shipped.
Best way to vaccinate the masses
Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.
What transformer is made out of cardboard and shows up in two days?
Amazon prime
Jeff Bezos stepped down as CEO of Amazon.
Quit when he was in his Prime.
Did you hear Jeff Bezos is stepping down from Amazon?
Odd, since he was in his Prime.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What do you call the leader of Amazon Cooking?
Chef Bezos.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Jeff Bezos is no longer the President of Amazon.
But he's still the Prime Minister.
Went to buy a lighter on Amazon,
when I searched, it said, "4.2 million matches found!" Guess I'll have to go to the store.
Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon?
He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.
I bought a boomerang on Amazon...
...but only because of their 100% return policy.
I'm unhappy with prime day
Amazon Prime day is on the 21st. I personally would not partake of Prime day unless it were on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th, 11th, 13th, 17th, 19th, 23rd, 29th, or 31st
Did you know you can order eggs and chickens on Amazon?
I'll let you know which comes first.
I saw a book on Amazon titled How to Solve 50% of your life's problems.
Naturally I ordered two copies.
Jeff Bezos' Advice
An Amazon employee greets Bezos shortly after his successful spaceflight and gives him a hearty congratulations. Jeff responds, "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals and work with determination, I should be able to squeeze in 2 more flights before Christmas."
The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle
He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…
I saw a book on Amazon, How to reduce your life's problems by 50%.
Naturally I ordered two copies.
What's the difference between Amazon and prison?
You can sit down in prison
Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch
If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
Because I try to be honest with myself, for Christmas I got my mom a book called "But, I'm Still Your Mom: How to Deal With Your Disappointing Grown Children"
Amazon says it should be here by the 29th.
Amazon just released an oil defuser that works like Alexa but 100% controlled with your mind!!
It makes scents when you think about it..
I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I'll keep you posted.
I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
I'll let you know.
I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived.
Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll?
He is renaming it to Amazon Weeb Services.
I think I cracked the overweight problem
# I think I cracked the overweight problem
Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do, I ordered a new weighing scale from Amazon. I was waiting this entire week for it to arrive. It finally arrived today. I just weighed myself, it's 69 now. I'm so proud of myself and the metric system.
Who runs Mexican Amazon?
Jeff Pesos
It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it here I realised it hasn't been told this way on this subreddit yet either. So I'm claiming it as an original joke.
Why did the skid mark lose the election?
It ran a smear campaign
Credit - Amazon Alexa (seriously, I asked my Alexa to tell me a p**... joke and this is what she said)
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours.
It's called Tailor Swift.
My grandfather died a few days ago after a long and debilitating illness, but he always managed to keep his good sense of humour.
Today I received an Amazon parcel containing a Ouija Board, and a note with a smiley face saying "Let's keep in touch."
What's the difference between Kevin McCarthy and Amazon Alexa?
One's a speaker that runs the house and the other is a congressman…
Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know what comes first.
I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women's skirts today, I told the bartender.
That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.
Not on Amazon it isn't" I said.
