Amazing Jokes

133 amazing jokes and hilarious amazing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about amazing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this wonderful collection of amazing Halloween, Yo Mama, and Christmas jokes! Whether you're looking for a terrific one-liner or a magnificent gag, this article has something for everyone.

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Funniest Amazing Short Jokes

Short amazing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The amazing humour may include short incredible jokes also.

  1. My wife beamed at me with pride and said, Wow! I never thought our son would go that far! I said, This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.
  2. Interviewer: How do you explain the five-year gap on your resume? Me: Oh, that was when I went to Yale.
    Interviwer: Amazing! You're hired.
    Me: Yay, I got a yob!
  3. My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car. If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.
  4. A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed. The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.
  5. I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures! I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
  6. Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.
  7. Interviewer: "How do you explain the three year gap on your resume?" Dave : "Oh! That was when I went to Yale!"
    Interviewer: "Amazing! You're hired!"
    Dave: "Hurray! I got a yob!"
  8. The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up
    random pages, passing the time, the
    next minute I'm at home looking for a new job.
  9. It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'
  10. Husband: Wow, I never thought our son would go that far! Wife: Yeah, the catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter.

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Amazing One Liners

Which amazing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with amazing? I can suggest the ones about amazed and stunning.

  1. r/Jokes Has 19 Million subscribers! It's amazing what 7 jokes can do
  2. Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice... Except Chris Brown
  3. BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
  4. Girls are so amazing. They can forgive you. Even if you're innocent.
  5. My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
  6. I'm 50, and I have the cholesterol of a teenager. It's amazing what you can find on eBay.
  7. r/Jokes now has over 20 million members It's amazing what 7 jokes can do
  8. Chinese Food is amazing but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice
  9. My new pen is amazing. It writes UNDERWATER. Among other words.
  10. why is rain the best kind of music? because it has amazing drops.
  11. What is a 6.9 Another amazing thing ruined by a period
  12. I don't understand all this hate towards the police... ...I mean they're an amazing band.
  13. I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure They are an amazing band from the 80s.
  14. How do you make an amazing egg roll? push it
  15. Wives are amazing magicians... They can turn anything into an argument.

Absolutely Amazing Jokes

Here is a list of funny absolutely amazing jokes and even better absolutely amazing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about that psychologist's awesome speech last night? It was amazing! The crowd was really eating it up. Everyone was going absolutely sane.
  • I started this absolutely amazing 30 day diet! I already lost 15 days!
  • One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
  • I bought an amazing new whiteboard. It's absolutely remarkable.

Amazing Grace Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazing grace jokes and even better amazing grace puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Hey girl, is your name Grace? Because you're Amazing.
  • If there was a version of _The Voice_ for Christian singers, my sister would definitely win. All they sing about is how Grace is so amazing.
Amazing joke, If there was a version of _The Voice_ for Christian singers, my sister would definitely win.

Amazing Yo Mama Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazing yo mama jokes and even better amazing yo mama puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Amazing "Yo Mama" Video!

Amazing Christmas Jokes

Here is a list of funny amazing christmas jokes and even better amazing christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My pregnant, coastguard, friend has had an amazing early Christmas present today She's had a little buoy
Amazing joke, My pregnant, coastguard, friend has had an amazing early Christmas present today

Witty Amazing Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about amazing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fantastic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make amazing pranks.

A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking v**....

So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"
"No, I drink a few bottles of v**... every day. Always have."
"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"
"At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl."
"That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?"

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...

It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.

A pastor goes hiking

as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."

Old Man Keeps the Engine Running

A rich 65 year old white man get's himself a gorgeous 23 year old woman. The couple was happy and were planning to start a family.
After a few months as a married couple, the old man gets his wife pregnant. While at the hospital getting ready to deliver the baby:
* **Nurse**: Wow sir, its amazing how you still managed to get you wife pregnant at your age, whats your seceret?
* **Old Man**: Oh you know, you have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, that is amazing.
After the delivering their baby, 5 years later the Old man gets his wife pregnant again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:
* **Nurse**: Sir, you did it again, this is amazing, what is your secret?
* **Old Man**: Same as last time, you just have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, sir. You are a trooper.
The couple had 2 beautiful children and were happy, but 5 years later the man got his wife pregnant yet again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:
* **Nurse**: "Sir this is truly incredible, you are 75 years old and you got your wife pregnant again, what is your secret?"
* **Old Man**: "Like I told you before! you have to keep the engine running!"
* **Nurse**: "Well sir, it may be time for you to change the oil because this one came out black."

The "Age" of Dinosaurs

A woman takes her children to a museum of natural history. As they gaze with wonder at a skeleton of *Tyrannosaurus rex*, she asks a museum guide, a bright-eyed young fellow, "can you tell me how old it is?"
The museum guide responds, "well, ma'am, that particular skeleton is 65 million and 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days old."
"Amazing!" the mother replies. "How can you know that so well?"
"Well," replied the museum guide eagerly, "when I started working here, I asked a scientist working on it the same question. He told me it was 65 million years old. And that was 2 years, 4 months, and 25 days ago."

The morticians wife.

The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,

when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder

They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

A wife told her man to leave....

after finding out that he had a one night stand with another woman.
"I want you to go!" she screamed.
He said, "Please can we just talk about this first?"
"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.
He sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...

A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"

p**... has s**... for the first time

After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.

A man with a dog and a cat walks into a bar...

The man, the dog, and the cat all sit down at the bar and the bartender says "What can I get you?" The dog looks squarely at the bartender and says I'll take a v**..., the guy will take a water, and the cat will take a scotch." The bartender looks absolutely shocked at the dog and says "This is AMAZING! You're a dog that can talk..." The guy looks at the bartender, and says "Don't be fooled, the cat is a ventriloquist."

My rubbish dog joke.

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

In school, the teacher warns her students...

..."I will not tolerate any excuses for any kind. I might consider a nuclear attack, serious injury or even the death of a relative, but whoever misses this exam will fail the class."
The class's wise-guy says:
"But teacher, what if tomorrow I arrive to class completely exhausted from last night's amazing s**...?"
The teacher says:
"Well I guess you'll have to do the exam with your left hand, then."

Statistics say that the typical man has s**... 92 times a year...

I feel that December will be amazing

What is h**...'s favorite reality show?

The Amazing Race


A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

I just finished a jigsaw puzzle.

It only took me six months, which is amazing considering the box says 2-4 years.

The human brain is amazing

It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.

It's amazing how people in the desert never starve because of all the sand which is there.

I went to see a t**... ventriloquist last night.

She was amazing, I never saw her lips moving once.

Secret to Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.

A dog walks into a bar

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender "A pint of beer please." The bartender says "Wow that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog then replies "Why? Do they need electricians?"

The brain

The brain is a amazing o**... it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman n**....

A lady at a tea shop

A lady went to a tea shop and ordered a cup of tea, she has a sip, and realizes that it was amazing! She asks the owner of the place, "wow! Your tea tastes great! Why is it so good?"
The owner replies "thanks! It's my specialtea!"

The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing.

Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.

Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...

...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.

A man runs home after winning the lottery

"Honey honey! We won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
"Oh my god that's amazing! Where are we going?!"
"I don't care, just get out!"

What was h**... favorite TV show?

The Amazing Race

There's that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell...

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

My daughter came sprinting in to the house yesterday shouting 'daddy, daddy, I just saw two fairies at the bottom of the garden!'

Humouring her I asked 'That's amazing darling, what were they doing?'
She replied 'Sucking each other's c**...'

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

I can't tell whether my new car's suspension is amazing, or if I'm a sociopath

Either way when I ran over that pedestrian I didn't feel a thing.

I have an amazing ability, I find objects just before people lose them.

The police however call it theft.

I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster...

... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.

p**... is kinda like being in a relationship...

It's amazing at first but when it's over you feel empty inside.

Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven

At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.

God said to Gabriel:

"I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky - the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land 'Scotland'"
"That sounds fantastic" Gabriel said. "What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?"
"Well" said God. "Wait til you see the neighbours they're getting"

Today I met this amazing girl. She was kind, caring, loving. She was like the female Jesus...

...which explains why I wanna nail her.

A Scientist is with his peer

The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar.

My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"
I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things."

Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

Why do gay men have such amazing taste in clothing?

They take years before coming out of the closet.

An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.

"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

My friend was showing me his new golf ball.

He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"

Did you guys hear about the two cellphone towers that got married?

It was a nice ceremony, but the reception was *amazing.*

I have never done c**...

but it smells amazing!

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

Did you hear about the antenna that got married?

The ceremony wasnt much but the reception was amazing!

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the f**...."

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

It's amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn't think they liked the metric system.

An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.

The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

A man met a woman at a bar and she invited him home

Once there, they head straight to her bedroom. The guy sees her shelves are covered with stuffed animals. It seems a little weird, but he thinks maybe she didn't get many of them when she was younger, and now she's making up for it. Regardless, they jump in bed together.
After s**..., the guy says "That was amazing. How was it for you?"
She replies "You may have anything from the bottom shelf."

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...

...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the h**... are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole d**... forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"

Two antennae get married on a roof

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!

Amazing joke, Two antennae get married on a roof

jokes about amazing