Ridiculous Amazement Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What's the difference between an auto-corrected exclamation of amazement and an act of liking men?
One is ducking sick, the other is sucking d...
A blonde goes to the doctor...
A blonde goes to the doctor. The doctor looks at her and asks what seems to be the problem?
"Everything hurts! No matter where I touch."
"My arms, my thighs, my chest, my head! All of it!"
He looks her over completely and finally looks at her in amazement.
"Lady, your *finger* is broken."
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The bartender looks in amazement and says, "how awesome! Where did you get that!?"
Suddenly the parrot looks up and says, "Oh him? Africa, there are millions of them there..."
A bent over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office
Within minutes, she came out, but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be.
A man in the waiting room, who had been watching her, said in amazement, "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane."
Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.
The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide
7
One night I was dreaming the number 7, over an over. To my amazement, when I woke up it was 7 o'clock, on July the 7th. So I took the bus on line 7 straight to the racetrack and bet 7777$ on the 7th horse from the 7th round. It finished on 7th.
My Mother in law fell down a wishing and disappeared to my amazement.
I never knew those things worked.
A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...
...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."
My grandpa isn't very computer savvy
So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning to repaint the shed and wanted to know if latex paint would stick to stucco, so he did a search for Latex Bondage.
Light bulb
Paddy and John are working on a building site. Paddy says to John, I need a day off, I'm going to pretend I've gone mad!
Paddy climbs up to the rafters, hangs upside down from them and shouts, I'm a light bulb! I'm a light bulb! While John looks on in amazement.
The foreman shouts, Paddy go home, you've gone mad!
As Paddy packs his kit, the foreman sees John packing his kit as well.
Foreman says, John where do you think you're going?!
John says, Well I'm not working in the friggen dark!
A Jewish man's son comes home and says he's converted to Christianity
He's shocked and goes to his friends house only to find out that his son has also converted to Christianity. They get worried and go to their rabbi. To their amazement he turns around and says his son also converted to Christianity. They are all scared now so turn to god. God comes down and listens to their story and says " you guys won't believe this.. "
You can explore amazement disbelief reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amazement ecstatic dad jokes. There are also amazement puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Cut a Man in Half" Trick
I was strolling down a street, suddenly came to a stop to see a street performer getting ready to do the "cut a man in half" act. The performer starts cutting then separates the coffin. In amazement I asked," Wow that's insane how did you do that?" He said," A Mortician never reveals his secrets."
The old man and the elevator.
An old man from the country takes his family to town for the first time. They're at the mall and the mall has an elevator. Him and his son are watching this thing in amazement as they never saw one before and was not sure what it was. An older lady at least 80 with Gray hair in rollers and a walking cane walks into the elevator. A few minutes later a beautiful 25 year old blonde with huge tits walks out. The old man says to his son "Quick go get your mama".
A young boy and his father are looking up at the night sky
The young boy gazes in amazement and then turns to his father.
Dad, where do you think we go when we die?
I believe that when we die our souls join the stars, son.
I've always heard that the afterlife is a gift that not everyone gets.
I'm not sure if it's a gift, but it's definitely a constellation prize.
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy, I'm gonna get the day off. I'm gonna pretend I've gone mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down, and shouts, I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!
Murphy watches in amazement.
The foreman shouts: Paddy, go home. You've gone mad.
So Paddy leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
Where do you think you're going? asks the foreman.
Well, I can't work in the friggin dark! said Murphy.
Amazed
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband."A penny for your thoughts," she said."It's amazing! " he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $146.50. "
