The Best 12 Amateurs Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Amateurs jokes. There are some amateurs professional jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these amateurs immunity puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Amateurs Jokes and Puns

Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."

The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"

The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"

I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in the hole if you get it within four inches.

Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!

Three racehorses were standing in a field.

One says, you know, I've won ten races in my life.

And I've won twenty races! Brags the second horse.

The third horse is much older then them both. He says, That's nothing! I've won fifty races!

Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound trotting through the field.

Amateurs! The dog laughs. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them!

The horses are all shocked. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Then the old horse says, Holy shit! a talking dog!

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are asked to design a fence.

The fence is required to contain as much land as possible for the least amount of fence material.

The engineer says "easy, just make a circular fence"

The physicist says, "wait a second! If you build the fence across the equator you'll have an even higher area/fence ratio!"

The mathematician says "amateurs!". He gets up and builds a tiny fence around his feet and proclaims "I declare myself to be on the outside."

I absolutely adore alliteration.

Amateurs aren't aware of it's awesomeness.


A soldier, airman, marine, and a sailor walk into a bar...

The soldier boasts, "Our camouflage is so good, we put 50 men in the desert and only 20 were found."

The airman retorts, "That's nothing. Our camouflage is so effective, we put 50 jets in the sky, and only 15 were found!"

The marine says, with a big grin, "Amateurs, our camouflage is so superior, we put 50 devil dogs in the jungle, and only 10 were found!"

Finally, a clearly distraught sailor on his 6th shot of whiskey says, "Our camouflage was so terrible, we pushed 50 sailors into the ocean, and only 5 were found."

Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.

"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."

"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally delivered a check to his family."

"Amateurs," says Carl. "Yesterday, one of my insured was fixing the roof of my office building when he fell off the roof. I handed him his check when he passed my window."

The Three Professors

Three professors are arguing over who is the best at teaching.

The first professor boasts, "I teach so well, my students never ask any questions. This proves they understand me immediately!"

The second professor responds, "Nonsense! I teach so well, my students never ask questions OR take notes. It's clear they remember the lesson instantly!"

The third professor grins and says, "You're both amateurs. I teach so well, my students don't even have to show up to class!"

Two Traitors Heading for the Capitol Building

Passenger asks "That bomb in the trunk was made by amateurs right?"

The driver responds "yup."

Passenger asks, a bit nervously, "Well what happens if that bomb just goes off?"

The driver responds with great confidence, "No problem at all".

"We have another one under the back seat."

Fraud and mismanagement at Afghanistan's largest bank has resulted in 900 million dollars in losses.

A Pentagon official commented, Amateurs!

Only amateurs gain weight during the holidays

Us, professionals gain weight during the entire year.

You can explore amateurs rockettes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean amateurs championship dad jokes. There are also amateurs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I hate Amateurs...

It's hard to see them in anything else.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the amateurs inept jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working amateurs pros piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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