Amateur Jokes

Following is our collection of pro humor and weightlifter one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Amateur puns for adults, dirty rugby jokes or clean championship gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hbo jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 46 funniest jokes on amateur. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any angler witze you can hear about amateur.

The Best jokes about Amateur

Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.

Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."

At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.

"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and screwed her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.

"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."

"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?


A buddy asked if I was pro gay...

I'm not even amateur gay; I didn't even know they had a league!

I've never trusted an amateur masseuse.

They just rub me the wrong way.

I don't understand this recent trend where everyone seems to be obsessed with protein.

I'm way more into amateur teen.

My father was a U-boat captain and amateur philosopher.

Such a deep sinker.

What do you call an amateur circumcision?

A rip-off

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and an amateur golfer?

Only one of them gets convicted for reckless driving


There was once a professional French soccer team whose players were all ducks

Named Le Tariat, they were so good that all other teams were amateur by comparison. This led to a lot of resentment, and the other teams all shunned them. While most simply ignored them, a few were very mean about it.

Le Tariat hatched a plan to kidnap the meanest of the players who were shunning them. In the middle of the night they did exactly that. They were caught though, and ended up going to prison where, being much smaller than the human inmates, they had a very bad time.

So in the end, seizing the meanies of pro duck shun didn't make the pro Le Tariat any happier.

I just finished reading a book by a group of amateur poets...

The poems aren't bad, but you can tell they're not prose.

I work with an amateur architect.

It puts a roof over my head, sort of.

Don't be afraid to do something new

Remember, the Noah's ark was built by an amateur and the Titanic by professionals.

When I was a kid I used to think I had a photographic memory.

All of my memories were blurred and cut off at the neck.

It was an amateur photographic memory.

What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?

You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.

What do you call an amateur hitman?

hitormissman

Blind guy walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, and after getting a little tipsy he says to the bartender.
Hey, do you want to hear a blond joke

The bartender then replies well before you start your joke there is a few things you need to know ... I'm blond 6ft 3 and im also an amateur boxer, my other friend at the bar is 6ft 1 and is the national kickboxing champion who is also blond, and finally the person who I'm about to serve next is blond 6ft 4 and looks like they have lifted weights since the day they were born .... now ... do you really want to tell that blond joke !?

The blind guy sighs ... then says naaa, not if Im going to have to explain it three time!


I've heard many things about the benefits of probiotics, but I think they are too expensive . . .

So can anyone recommend any good amateur biotics?

Golf joke

Golfer decides to have a drink after a solo round of golf and heads in to the clubhouse.

Golfer [panting]: I'm spent. I just played 18 holes.

Gay bartender: Amateur.

What do you call an amateur expert on fish?

A fishionado

A little known fact about Hitler was that he was an amateur Chinese chef

He wrote a best selling cookbook, Chow Mein Kampf.

I once met an amateur prostitute...

I guess she's just called a 'stitute'.

What do you call an amateur sports team made up entirely of poets?

semi-prose

Where are all the women in amateur astronomy?

At the other end of the telescope.

As an amateur dermatologist detective this latest case has me stumped...

I'm not too worried though alopecia it all together in the end.

I knew an amateur boxer with a coke habit.

He kept his stash in his headgear because he thought it would soften the blow.

On Kashyyyk, Chewbacca's homeworld, would amateur junior-level warriors be called Rookie Wookies?

:)

Some people say that going to bars on St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve is "amateur hour."

But that's just because they don't have a sponsor yet.

What does an amateur Mexican real estate agent say to his clients.?

Hey look, homes

How did the amateur win the karate tournament?

He won the No-Belt Prize.

Why do amateur gamers always lose battles?

They don't have enough Intel.

a Proverb

"floccinaucinihilipilification" is a proverb.

"Go" is an amateur verb.

An amateur comedian gets stabbed by another experienced comic, Police arrest the experienced comic and in his testimonial, he had written

Well, he took a stab at humor first!

A group of amateur bank robbers plan their first heist, but only have post-it notes to work with.

Should be easy enough to pull off.

Did you hear about the semi-pro boxer who was an amateur pilot?

He's been deciding on a career and we're still waiting on his fight or flight response.

Amateur reporting in a nutshell

Look, a mythical creature! Quick, grab the worst camera we've got!

How did the amateur bass player introduce himself?

Hey guys, so I play the guitar, lowkey

What's black and crispy, and hangs from a chandelier?

An amateur electrician

Only amateurs gain weight during the holidays

Us, professionals gain weight during the entire year.

An amateur physicist was sucked into a black hole

Apparently, he didn't comprehend the gravity of the situation.

Amateur golf should be included in paralympics

because they are all handicapped

The new FIFA videogame will come in the following difficulties: World Class, Professional, Semi Pro, Amateur...

and Brazil.

I'm a bit of an amateur mind-reader

I know what you're thinking...

A few pond animals gathered for an amateur swimming race...

There was a turtle, two fish, a duck and a frog. Lucky for them, the rodents didn't show up.

Otter wise they would have lost.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes