Alzheimers Jokes
75 alzheimers jokes and hilarious alzheimers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alzheimers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Alzheimers Short Jokes
Short alzheimers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alzheimers humour may include short schizophrenia jokes also.
- How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
- How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to tell a joke? How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to tell a joke?
- Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
- I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous. You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.
- Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
Patient: "What's the good news?"
Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS." - Grandma yells across the room: "Billy, what's the name of that german guy who drives me crazy?" "It's Alzheimer, grandma".
- If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side… …at least you can hide your own easter Eggs.
- What's the worst disease combination to have? Alzheimer and Diarrhea. You don't know where to run
- "What do we want?" "A cure for Alzheimer's!"
"When do we want it....?"
"Want what...?" - An old man went to the doctor The doctor says "I'm afraid I have bad news. You have cancer... And you have alzheimer's."
The old man says "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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Alzheimers One Liners
Which alzheimers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alzheimers? I can suggest the ones about aids or alzheimers and tumor.
- Doctor: You have cancer and Alzheimer's Patient: Atleast Idont have cancer
- Can't believe it's nearly 1996 and they haven't found a cure for Alzheimer's
- My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's. At least it isn't cancer.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side - \r\jokes has the funniest most original content But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.
- A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar. A man with Alzheimer's walks into a bar.
- I Don't care what any of you say.. My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday
- I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS
- Doctor: You have Alzheimer's and cancer. Patient: thank god it's not Alzheimer's.
- Hey I just met you, And this is crazy,
I have Alzheimer's,
Hey I just met you. - What's the most-clicked link on the Alzheimer's support website? Forgot Your Password?
- What is the worst present for a person with Alzheimer? A boomerang.
- The first rule of Alzheimers club, Is don't talk about chess club
- So I found out today I have Alzheimer's... So I found out today I have Alzheimer's...
- What is the best part about having Alzheimer's Making new friends every day
Aids Or Alzheimers Jokes
Here is a list of funny aids or alzheimers jokes and even better aids or alzheimers puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The doctor told me I have AIDS and Alzheimer's... But hey, at least I don't have AIDS.
- A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says :"I've got bad news for you. You got AIDS and you got Alzheimer."
The man says :"Alzheimer,huh... well at least not AIDS" - What did the Ethiopian with Alzheimer's ask the foreign aid worker? What time do we eat?
Laughable Alzheimers Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about alzheimers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hypochondria jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alzheimers pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
Hey grandson, what's the name of that german man who makes me go crazy?
Alzheimer, grandma, Alzheimer...
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
Either way, the results are not good
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
A comfortably old joke
A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
Guy gets a call from his doctor...
Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.
Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.
Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.
Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?
Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.
Guy (waits a beat): Well at least I don't have cancer.
An 81-year-old man goes to see his doctor.:
An 81-year-old man goes to see his doctor. The doctor says,
I've got some bad news. You have cancer and you have
Alzheimer's. The old man brightens up and replies, At least
it's not cancer!
Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...
... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'
Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'
Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'
Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and
Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.
After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'
A man goes to a doctor...
And the doc says, "I have some bad news and some worse news."
The man says, "OK, give me the worst news first."
The doc says, "You have stage 4 cancer throughout your brain and mouth and you aren't likely to survive more than 4 months."
The man says, "Well that's really bad, what's the other news?"
The doc says, "You have alzheimers too."
The man sits and thinks a bit and finally says, "Well, that's not so bad at least I don't have cancer."
My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...
She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"
The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...
No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.
Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
A guy is in a doctors office. His doctor is there with him.
"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.
"What are they?"
"Well, the first piece of news is that you have cancer."
"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.
"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."
The man laughs and says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Knock knock
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
It's Dave!
Dave who?
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
A man takes his wife to get tested
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.
The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'
The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?
The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.
A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.
2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
I got stopped by a cop with Alzheimer's
He walks up to my window and says, do I know why I pulled you over?
My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's
Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife.
Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife has been dead for several years.
I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it's worth it to me to answer that door every morning at 9 AM and tell this 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife is dead just to see the smile on his face.
Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.
He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.
I think my wife's showing symptoms of Alzheimers.
She's telling me everyday that she can't remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.
A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"
"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's
And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...
Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better places..
But the look of pure joy on his face every time i tell him she's dead just makes my day and keeps me from leaving.
My wife said to me If I ever get
Alzheimers I would commit s**... rather than burdening you with me"
I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes when I tell him this is worth a world.
OG: Anthony Jeselnik
An old guy goes to the doctor
The doctor examines him and says: "Well my friend, you have cancer and alzheimer's disease.
The old guy says: "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
It seems like everyday I come across a new article about a cure for Alzheimer's
Turns out it's actually the same article.
What's the best part about having Alzheimer's?
You get to laugh at all the reposts on here everytime.
My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s
He gets really worried because both his parents got Alzheimer's around that age.
Tells me, son, if I ever start forgetting things or show any symptoms.. I j-ju-just know I can't go through what they did.
So… please.. just … kill me.
Dad that's what you said 5 minutes ago
Cop with Alzheimer's
A cop with Alzheimer's pulls a guy over. He walks up to the window and goes "You have any idea why I pulled you over?"
The nice thing about Alzheimer's is…
You meet new people every day!
My doctor told me I have Alzheimer's
Who does he think he is? Nobody asked.
