Laughable Alzheimers Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
September is alzheimers awareness month
Did anyone else forget?
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
So an old man goes to the doctor to get checked out and....
The doctor tells him "I got bad news and some really bad news" so the old man replies "what's the bad news?" "The bad news is you have cancer." "Oh. And the other news?" " you have alzheimers.." Then the old man says " Atleast I don't have cancer!"
Sorry for bad format
A friend and I walked past an Alzheimers Society.
He turned to me and said "How do they remember where it is"?
Alzheimers..
This old guy and old lady are sitting in a nursing home when the guy turns to the woman and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am". The lady says "I'll bet I can, unzip your pants", so he does, she sticks her hand in, feels around, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says "WOW! That's amazing! How'd you do that!?" the woman replies "you ask me the same question every day, Frank".
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
I have bulimic Alzheimers
I always eat too much but forget to throw up.
just saw on facebook a page called "the walk to end alzheimers"
Its a walk to remember
There are some benefits to having alzheimers
For example, you get to meet new people constantly.
What do you call pasta with alzheimers?
forgetti
An old man goes to see the doctor...
...and asks if his test results are back.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news, and some even worse news," the doctor says.
"Give me the worse news first, doc."
"Fair enough. The worse news is that you have cancer. The bad news is that you have Alzheimers."
The old man replies "Wow, well at least I don't have cancer."
You can explore alzheimers alzheimer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alzheimers schizophrenia dad jokes. There are also alzheimers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Welcome to AlzheimersAware.co.uk.
Forgot your password? Of course you did.
What's the best thing about alzheimers?
You're always meeting new people.
How can you tell if someone has Alzheimer's?
A. How can you tell if someone has Alzheimers?
Did you hear about the lady with Alzheimers that has never slept?
She says she's been awake as long as she can remember.
THE CHOICE
GOD APPEARED BEFORE AN IRISHMAN AND SAID, 'FOR YOUR DEVOTION, I WILL GIVE YOU A CHOICE BETWEEN PARKINSONS OR ALZHEIMERS FOR YOUR ELDERLY AFFLICTION.'
THE IRISHMAN SAID,; THATS EASY. PARKINSONS.'
'WHY IS IT EASY?' GOD ASKED
'I'D RATHER SPILL HALF A GLASS OF WHISKEY THAN FORGET WHERE THE BOTTLES ARE.'
A man goes to a doctor...
And the doc says, "I have some bad news and some worse news."
The man says, "OK, give me the worst news first."
The doc says, "You have stage 4 cancer throughout your brain and mouth and you aren't likely to survive more than 4 months."
The man says, "Well that's really bad, what's the other news?"
The doc says, "You have alzheimers too."
The man sits and thinks a bit and finally says, "Well, that's not so bad at least I don't have cancer."
An old man goes to the doctor
the doctor tells him "sir I'm sorry but you have cancer."
the old man is shocked and says "oh this is terrible"
"sir I'm sorry but it turns out you also have alzheimers"
the old man pauses for a moment, then looks up and smiles
"well at least it isn't cancer"
It turns out smoking prevents Alzheimers.
You don't live long enough to develop it.
The first rule of Alzheimers club,
Is don't talk about chess club
Remember when Grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers?
No? Neither does he.
Two elderly men in a bar...
...one pipes up and asks his mate
"as we get older would you prefer Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
Second man replies "Parkinsons, it will be bad enough spilling half my pint, never mind forgetting where I left it!"
The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...
No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.
What do you call the early onset of Alzheimers?
Someteimers
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
Did you hear that doctors have finally found a cure for alzheimers?
This is so historic that the government has declared this a day of remembrance.
This might not get any traction but I just thought of it and made myself chuckle a little.
The upside of having Alzheimers...
is seeing a new woman in your bed every morning.
Doctor: I have bad news. You have cancer and alzheimers
Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer
What's the worst thing with being diagnosed with alzheimers?
You always get it more than once.
I told my girlfriend if she gets Alzheimers I'll bring her flowers every day
The same flowers, but still
I may have Alzheimers,
but at least I don't have Alzheimers!
What did Ronald Reagan say when he found out he had cancer and Alzheimers?
Well...at least I don't have cancer!
A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".
Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".
Rustom was asked by God...
"If you had to choose one, would you pick
- Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
Rustom thought for a minute,
then chose Parkinsons.
"Why did you choose that?", asked God.
"It's better to spill half a glass of whiskey,
than to forget where the bottles are kept."
What is the best thing about Alzheimers?
Meeting new people every day
Another take on an old joke: What are the 3 best things about Alzheimers?
1. Hiding your own Easter eggs;
2. Meeting new and interesting people every day, and
3. Hiding your own Easter eggs.
Knock knock
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
It's Dave!
Dave who?
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Someone with Alzheimers tells a joke
Wait... What was I talking about again?
Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...
They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...
I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers
Two hours, one joke.
I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.
I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.
What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common?
They both don't know their parents
THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!
She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.
Alzheimers, its a bad thing...
...but atleast you get to meet new people everyday.
Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression.
He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.
I think my wife's showing symptoms of Alzheimers.
She's telling me everyday that she can't remember what she saw in me that made her marry me.
A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"
"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."
I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers.
He left his heart in San Diego.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Alzheimers
Alzheimers who?
Knock knock
Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers.
Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!
I googled alzheimers symptoms...
And it had already been searched before.
A Trip to the Doctor
The doctor says to the old man "I'm sorry, you have cancer, and Alzheimers..."
The old man says "Thank god I don't have cancer!"
My wife said to me If I ever get
Alzheimers I would commit s**... rather than burdening you with me"
I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"
"A man with alzheimers tries to recall a joke-"
Wait, that's not how it starts
"A forgetful man tries to retell a story-"
No, no, that not it either
"A man-"
Aww, forget it
As someone with Alzheimers i will prove to you we can tell funny jokes.
As someone with Alzheimers i will prove to you we can tell funny jokes.
What is worst - Alzheimers or Parkinsons?
Alzheimers. Because its better to spill your beer than forget where you put it.
I have the worst luck…
I have the worst luck, I went to buy a memory foam pillow - turned out it had Alzheimers.
