Alzheimers Jokes

Following is our collection of alzheimer humor and astrological one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alzheimers puns for adults, dirty schizophrenia jokes or clean parkinson gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tumor jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on alzheimers. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any aids or alzheimers witze you can hear about alzheimers.

The Best jokes about Alzheimers

Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

The great thing about the Alzheimers museum is...

No matter how many times you go, it always seems new.

Knock knock

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
It's Dave!
Dave who?

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

The first rule of Alzheimers club,

Is don't talk about chess club


A man goes to a doctor...

And the doc says, "I have some bad news and some worse news."

The man says, "OK, give me the worst news first."

The doc says, "You have stage 4 cancer throughout your brain and mouth and you aren't likely to survive more than 4 months."

The man says, "Well that's really bad, what's the other news?"

The doc says, "You have alzheimers too."

The man sits and thinks a bit and finally says, "Well, that's not so bad at least I don't have cancer."

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

It's Alzheimers day on thursday...

So an old man goes to the doctor to get checked out and....

The doctor tells him "I got bad news and some really bad news" so the old man replies "what's the bad news?" "The bad news is you have cancer." "Oh. And the other news?" " you have alzheimers.." Then the old man says " Atleast I don't have cancer!"

Sorry for bad format

September is alzheimers awareness month

Did anyone else forget?

How can you tell if someone has Alzheimer's?

A. How can you tell if someone has Alzheimers?


Two elderly men in a bar...

...one pipes up and asks his mate
"as we get older would you prefer Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

Second man replies "Parkinsons, it will be bad enough spilling half my pint, never mind forgetting where I left it!"

What do you call pasta with alzheimers?

forgetti

What is the best thing about Alzheimers?

Meeting new people every day

What's the best thing about alzheimers?

You're always meeting new people.

Did you hear that doctors have finally found a cure for alzheimers?

This is so historic that the government has declared this a day of remembrance.


 

This might not get any traction but I just thought of it and made myself chuckle a little.

A friend and I walked past an Alzheimers Society.

He turned to me and said "How do they remember where it is"?

Alzheimers..

This old guy and old lady are sitting in a nursing home when the guy turns to the woman and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am". The lady says "I'll bet I can, unzip your pants", so he does, she sticks her hand in, feels around, pulls her hand out and says "you're 83". The guy says "WOW! That's amazing! How'd you do that!?" the woman replies "you ask me the same question every day, Frank".

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".


What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common?

They both don't know their parents

It turns out smoking prevents Alzheimers.

You don't live long enough to develop it.

There are some benefits to having alzheimers

For example, you get to meet new people constantly.

An old man goes to see the doctor...

...and asks if his test results are back.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news, and some even worse news," the doctor says.

"Give me the worse news first, doc."

"Fair enough. The worse news is that you have cancer. The bad news is that you have Alzheimers."

The old man replies "Wow, well at least I don't have cancer."

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers

Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

I did a comedy show for alzheimers sufferers. Two hours, one joke.

Doctor: I have bad news. You have cancer and alzheimers

Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer

I have bulimic Alzheimers

I always eat too much but forget to throw up.

Rustom was asked by God...

"If you had to choose one, would you pick
- Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

Rustom thought for a minute,
then chose Parkinsons.

"Why did you choose that?", asked God.

"It's better to spill half a glass of whiskey,
than to forget where the bottles are kept."

The upside of having Alzheimers...

is seeing a new woman in your bed every morning.

I told my girlfriend if she gets Alzheimers I'll bring her flowers every day

The same flowers, but still

just saw on facebook a page called "the walk to end alzheimers"

Its a walk to remember

Did you hear about the lady with Alzheimers that has never slept?

She says she's been awake as long as she can remember.

Someone with Alzheimers tells a joke

Wait... What was I talking about again?

What do you call the early onset of Alzheimers?

Someteimers

THE CHOICE

GOD APPEARED BEFORE AN IRISHMAN AND SAID, 'FOR YOUR DEVOTION, I WILL GIVE YOU A CHOICE BETWEEN PARKINSONS OR ALZHEIMERS FOR YOUR ELDERLY AFFLICTION.'

THE IRISHMAN SAID,; THATS EASY. PARKINSONS.'

'WHY IS IT EASY?' GOD ASKED

'I'D RATHER SPILL HALF A GLASS OF WHISKEY THAN FORGET WHERE THE BOTTLES ARE.'

An old man goes to the doctor

the doctor tells him "sir I'm sorry but you have cancer."
the old man is shocked and says "oh this is terrible"
"sir I'm sorry but it turns out you also have alzheimers"
the old man pauses for a moment, then looks up and smiles
"well at least it isn't cancer"

What's the worst thing with being diagnosed with alzheimers?

You always get it more than once.

Another take on an old joke: What are the 3 best things about Alzheimers?

1. Hiding your own Easter eggs;
2. Meeting new and interesting people every day, and
3. Hiding your own Easter eggs.

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

Welcome to AlzheimersAware.co.uk.

Forgot your password? Of course you did.

a man goes to a doctors office

to get a diagnosis from his previous checkup. the doctor says to the man "ok sir there is some bad news, we found 2 things wrong with you."
the man says "ok doc just hit me with 'em"
the doctor says "ok well, you have cancer"
*the man nods gravely
"and you have alzheimers disease"

the man then stands up smiling, happy as can be, and says "oh thanks doc, i thought you were going to tell me i had cancer!"

What did Ronald Reagan say when he found out he had cancer and Alzheimers?

Well...at least I don't have cancer!

I may have Alzheimers,

but at least I don't have Alzheimers!

My doctor just told me I have Alzheimers...

The only thing I can do now is figure out why I'm at this hospital

I might have alzheimers...

...but at least I don't have alzheimers.

What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?

Forget-me-nots

There's one nice thing about getting Alzheimers

I'm making new friends every day!

how many people with alzheimers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

orange you glad i didnt say banana?

Remember when Grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers?

No? Neither does he.

If a grandfather clock gets alzheimers

does it forget what time it is?

I think I might have Alzheimers

Wait, what was I talking about?

Two older men with Alzheimers walk...

On the... Errrr... Beach?
I, I dunno.
The one is old. And
Then the other one... goes
And chocolate with fries.
He wants to know...
WHERE IS MY ICE CREAM?

You never get second chance to make a first impression, unless you work in an alzheimers clinic.

If I ever get Alzheimers...

If I ever get Alzheimers...

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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