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Alzheimer Patients Jokes

59 alzheimer patients jokes and hilarious alzheimer patients puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alzheimer patients that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Alzheimer Patients Short Jokes

Short alzheimer patients jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alzheimer patients humour may include short alzheimer disease jokes also.

  1. How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
  2. How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to tell a joke? How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to tell a joke?
  3. Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
    Patient: "What's the good news?"
    Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
    Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
  4. The doctor says, "I have bad news, You have Cancer, and Alzheimer's Disease." The patient says, "Well at least I don't have Cancer."
  5. Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers. Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!
  6. What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie? The Blair...Which project?
    [Made my roomie laugh at least]
  7. Doctor: I have two bad news for you. Doctor: The first one is that you have cancer.
    Patient: whats the second one then?
    Doctor: you also have alzheimer's.
    Patient: well at least I dont have cancer
  8. Doctor: "Sir, the results are in. I'm afraid you have a serious case of 80s Rock Bands Alzheimer's" Patient: "Oh my god. What is the cure??!"
  9. Bad news A doctor says to his patient: 'I'm afraid I've got bad news for you. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's disease'.
    The patient responds: 'Well, at least I don't have cancer'.
  10. Doctor says to his patient "you have cancer and Alzheimer".. Patient looks at him and says: "At least I don't have cancer."

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Alzheimer Patients One Liners

Which alzheimer patients one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alzheimer patients? I can suggest the ones about aids or alzheimers and dementia.

  1. Doctor: You have cancer and Alzheimer's Patient: Atleast Idont have cancer
  2. Doctor: You have Alzheimer's and cancer. Patient: thank god it's not Alzheimer's.
  3. An Alzheimer's patient walks into bar... to get to the other side.
  4. What do you call a politician with a clear conscience? An Alzheimer's patient.
  5. What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ? Forget-me-nots
  6. What does the alzheimer patient say after he's done eating? "I wonder what's for lunch."
  7. What does one Alzheimer patient say to another? Uhh...... ...... I forgot.
  8. What was the Italian doctors advice to the Alzheimer's patient? Fuhget about it
  9. How does an Alzheimer's patient celebrate New Years? Kissing strangers.

Hilarious Alzheimer Patients Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about alzheimer patients you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elderly people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alzheimer patients pranks.

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
They hid their own eggs!

At least you don't have AIDS

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

The doctor has some bad news...

A patient goes to see the doctor. The doctor examines him, and then says, "I have bad news. You have cancer, as well as Alzheimer's."
The patient says "well, at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

A guy goes in to see his doctor...

A guy goes in to see his doctor. The doctor evaluates the patient and says "I have bad news - you have Alzheimer's disease and you have cancer". The guys looks back at his doctor and says, "At least I don't have Alzheimer's".

Confusion at the hospital

Mrs. Smith had just gotten home from visiting her husband in the hospital. He had fallen ill and the doctors weren't sure what was wrong with him so they wanted to keep him at the hospital for observation. Mrs. Smith had just walked in the front door and was setting her purse down when the phone rang.

"Hello?" said Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, Mrs. Smith, this is Mary calling from the hospital. I'm afraid I've got some bad news and some worse news about your husband."

"Oh dear," said Mrs. Smith, "I guess I'll take the bad news first."

"Well," said the nurse, "The bad news is that we got the test results back for your husband but there's been a bit of a mix-up. It seems that there's another patient at the hospital with the same name as your husband, Bob, and we're not sure which test result belong to which patient. One of the tests came back positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other test came back positive for AIDS."

"Oh my goodness," said Mrs. Smith, "Well that's horrible. What news could be worse than that?"

"The worse news is that we can't find your husband. He left his room and we're not sure where he went," said the nurse.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, "What do you suggest we do?"

"Well," replied the nurse, "if your husband finds his way home, don't have s**... with him."

Doctor.....Doctor

The doctor, shuffles is papers and looks at his patient from behind his clumpy glasses and says with a long sigh ''i'm afraid i have some bad news''. The patient furrows his brow and says ''give it me to straight doc ( because that's how people talk). The doctor replies ''well im afraid you have Alzheimer's **and** you have cancer!''. The patient looks off into the distance for a moment and reflects before saying'' well at least i don't have cancer''
:-D.

Bad news and worse news [Cancer joke]

A patient walks into the doctors office, and the doctor says "I've got some bad news for you, and some even worse news for you. What do you want to hear first?"
The patient, clearly nervous, asks for the bad news first, and the doctor goes "The scan results came back, and you have an incurable form of cancer, and only have a year left to live."
Terrified of what he just learned, and for what could possibly be worse, he asks the doctor for the worse news, and the doctor says "I'm really sorry, but you have also developed a bad case of alzheimers, and it's only going to get worse."
The patient goes silent, staring into the wall, clearly traumatized. After a couple of minutes he says "Well, at least I don't have cancer! :)"

What are the two types of people who love the words "Who, what, when, where and why?"

English teachers and Alzheimer's patients

Alzheimer

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..."
The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?"
"You have Alzheimer's disease."
"Good heavens! What's the good news?"
"You can go home and forget about it!"

bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's

Doctor: "It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
Patient: "Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer."

The doctor comes to a patient

Doc: You have cancer and alzheimer.
Patient: That's fine, atleast i don't have cancer.

Why won't the Alzheimer's patient pay attention to you?

Because he doesn't know the time of day.

A doctor tells his patient his results...

A doctor goes to his patient and tells him:"I have bad news for you.
First, you have cancer, and second, you have Alzheimer disease.
I am really sorry for you." The patient says:"At least I don't have cancer"

A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news and I have really bad news."

The patient says "Give me the really bad news first."
The doc responds, "Unfortunately, you have stage 4 cancer, and you'll be dead within a month."
The patient shakes his head, trying to take it all in. "Ok..." he says, "what's the bad news?"
"The bad news," the doctor continues, "is that you have Alzheimer's disease."
"Seriously?!" the patient exclaims. "Well, I guess it could be worse. I could be dying of cancer."

A doctor goes to his patient

and says "I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer's"
Patient replies "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

A Doctor says to his Patient...

A Doctor says to his Patient, "I am unhappy to inform you that you have Cancer and Alzheimer's." The Patient then replies with a happy face, "At least I don't have Cancer."

At the doctor's

After a lot of medical tests the doctor says to the patient:
"I have 2 bad news for you. First is, you have cancer. The second one is you have Alzheimer". To which the patient answers : " Thanks god its not cancer"

A doctor says to his patient, "I am afraid you have cancer and Alzheimer's disease."

The patient replies, "That s**..., but at least I don't have cancer!"

A doctor tells his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."

"The bad news is that you have cancer. The worse news is, you also have Alzheimer's."
The woman sits and thinks for a moment, seeming to ponder these heavy diagnoses. Finally, she says "Well, I guess it could be worse. At least I don't have cancer!"

The doctor told the patient he had cancer, and Alzheimer's...

The patient said, "well look on the bright side, at least I don't have cancer!"

Please doctor

Patient : please doctor reassure me what do I have?
Doctor: you have Alzheimer
patient : please doctor reassure me what do i have?

Doctor: I have bad news. You have cancer and alzheimers

Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

Doctor: i have good and bad news for you.

Patient: bad news first...
Doctor: you have Alzheimer.
Patient: and the good news??
Doctor: You won't remember when you leave the room

A doctor says to his patient: I have bad news, and I have worse news

A doctor says to his patient: I have bad news, and I have worse news
The patient says: Give me the worse news first
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Oh no, then what's the bad news?
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's.
Patient, relieved: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

A doctor is reading out tests results to an elderly patient.

- Sir, the two test results are in and I'm afraid I have bad news. First of all, you have phase 8 terminal metastasized cancer.
- Oh no.. d**..., this is not good.. what else?
- You also have quite a severe case of Alzheimer.
- oh thank god for that! I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer.

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.

A Joke

A guy goes to the doctors office for an appointment...
The doctors starts off with bad news,
Doctor: (to the patient) Ok, I have two bits of bad news.
Patient: Ok what is it?
Doctor: One, you have Cancer.
Patient: Oh god no that's pretty bad! What's number two?
Doctor: Two is, you have Alzheimer's.
Patient: Well good God, at least I don't have cancer.

A 75 year old person goes to the doctor.

Doctor: We've received your reports. And I have a very bad news for you. You have Cancer and Alzheimer!
Patient: Oh! Well... At least, I don't have Cancer!

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"

Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

Two Diseases

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that you have cancer. You also have Alzheimer's disease.
Patient: Well at least I don't have cancer!

A doctor tells his patient, "I have some bad news."

The patient replies, "Oh no doctor, what is it?"
The doctor answers, "You have Alzheimer's."
The patient freaks out and says, "Oh my goodness, and the bad news?"

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?