Altogether Jokes

8 altogether jokes and hilarious altogether puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about altogether that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Happy Altogether Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What is a good altogether joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A wise man once said...

"If you make a woman laugh, you've half-undressed her."
However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that's a different thing altogether.

Today my son was sent home from school for receiving a hand-job from a girl in his class for the third time this year. Each time this has happened he has been given a stern talking to from the principal and had to change schools.

Tired of constantly moving around, I said to him "Son if this keeps happening
they are going to ban you from teaching altogether."

No Nut November is gonna be super easy this year.

I decided to stop eating nuts altogether. It was cutting into my m**... time too much.

My wife told me I needed to slow down on the alcohol...

...or better yet, stop driving altogether.

A few guys always used to meet up on Fridays after work for a drink.

One Friday, Pete showed up late, sat down forlornly at the bar and knocked back his first beer in one gulp.
'You OK?' asked Bill, another of the gang.
'Not really,' sighed Pete. 'This morning my wife told me that she's rationing our s**... life – she's cutting me back to just once a week. I can't believe it.'
Bill put a consoling arm around Pete's shoulder. 'You think you've got it bad – she's cut some guys off altogether!'

I've started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...


Two cowboys looking at the desert horizon and a bunch of indians appear coming towards them...

-Are they enemies or friends?
-They are obviosly friends, they are coming altogether.

My friend seemed sad. He told me his wife cut him down to once a week

Apparently I was wrong. He didn't cheer up at all when I told him I know three guys she cut out altogether.

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