The Best 32 Altitude Jokes

If you're looking for a laugh, check out our collection of jokes about altitude! From high-flying puns to mountaintop humor, we've got you covered.

Top 10 Funniest Altitude Jokes and Puns

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'

The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'

What do you get when an Investment banker jumps off a cliff?

A Con descending Altitude.

What do you call a group of sky diving samurai warriors?

Ninjas With Altitude

My boss told me I've got to stop coming to work high...

...and that I need to change my altitude.

jokes about altitude

A student gets pushed off a cliff as a punishment

He had a bad altitude.


Why do people fear flying with United Airlines?

Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

Altitude joke, A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with a

What are three most useless things in aviation?

The runway behind you.

The altitude above you.

The fuel back at the fbo still in the fuel truck.

An airplane yells at his rebellious son...

.. "Watch that altitude, young man"

I got dismissed from my job as a pilot.

They told me I had an altitude problem.

Someone told me that I can't survive falling off a 1,000 feet building.

Not with that altitude.

You can explore altitude high reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean altitude air dad jokes. There are also altitude puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Me and My friend Bet 500 dollars on who could throw a slap of beef to the greatest altitude above sea level...

The steaks have never been higher

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

What goes on top of a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

A monkey that gets turned on by altitude.

My contribution to the lawyer and blonde joke.

A bowling ball and a black man fall out of a tree at the same time and altitude, what hits the ground first?

The bowling ball.

the black man stops at the neck.

What did the happy pebble say to the grumpy mountain?

You need an altitude change!

Altitude joke, What did the happy pebble say to the grumpy mountain?

What do you call bomber version of Snoop Dog?

B-52 (High Altitude Bomber)

When learning how to fly

its important to maintain a positive altitude.

Why wasn't the pilot allowed to fly? (Pun)

He was grounded due to his poor altitude.


I got fired for being high on the job.

Boss said he didn't like my altitude.

According to Wikipedia, Afghanistan is the country with the top average altitude

But now Canada is highest

Prison...

Prison is the only place where the importance of **soap** drops... with it's altitude.

Why was the plane grumpy?

He had a bad altitude.

My friend said that he can't Base Jump from the roof of my house and land safely

Not with that altitude

What did the the mountain climber say to the mountain?

I'm sick of your altitude, mister!

What do you call a sunburnt guy on high altitude?

Moun-tan

Altitude joke, What do you call a sunburnt guy on high altitude?

Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, I have to inform you we are losing altitude

(pause)

And the reason we are losing altitude is because we are about to land.

(Jesus Christ, funny pilots...)

A skydiver opened his parachute too late. He won't be able to make it

Not with that altitude

Why was the plane sent back to his room?

Bad altitude


An airliner is in the middle of its flight when pilot is contacted by air control

"Delta 627, you need to reduce your altitude 5.000 feet." "What for?" is the pilot skeptical. "Noise avoidance." responds the controller. "Noise? What noise? We are at 35.000 feet, what noise could there be?" responds our pilot, now curious. So the air controller humours him: "Have you ever heard how much noise two airliners make when they collide?"

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway

Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they crash anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's balls.

A priest is on a plane

A stewardess aproaches him and asks:

Stewardess: "Hello father, would you like anything to drink? We have whiskey, cognac and beer."

Priest: "That sounds nice. Actually, what is our altitude at the moment?"

Stewardess: "Our current altitude is about 35,000 feet"

Priest: "Well then i will just take a bottle of water, the boss might see me otherwise"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the altitude peak jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working altitude summit piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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