Altitude Jokes

These are the 55 altitude jokes and hilarious altitude puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about altitude that are good jokes for kids and friends.

If you're looking for a laugh, check out our collection of jokes about altitude! From high-flying puns to mountaintop humor, we've got you covered.

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Short Altitude Jokes
Altitude One Liners
High Altitude Jokes
More Altitude Jokes

Best Short Altitude Jokes

These are our top altitude puns. Have fun with a good altitude joke in English with simple altitude humour.

What did Daddy Plane say to his Son when he refused to land? I don't appreciate your altitude right now,
Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, I have to inform you we are losing altitude (pause)
And the reason we are losing altitude is because we are about to land.
(Jesus Christ, funny pilots...)
Me and My friend Bet 500 dollars on who could throw a slap of beef to the greatest altitude above sea level... The steaks have never been higher
Someone told me that I can't survive falling off a 1,000 feet building. Not with that altitude.
A skydiver opened his parachute too late. He won't be able to make it Not with that altitude
What are three most useless things in aviation? The runway behind you.
The altitude above you.
The fuel back at the fbo still in the fuel truck.
What goes on top of a hill with three legs and comes down with four? A monkey that gets turned on by altitude.
My contribution to the lawyer and blonde joke.
A bowling ball and a black man fall out of a tree at the same time and altitude, what hits the ground first? The bowling ball.
the black man stops at the neck.
My boss told me I've got to stop coming to work high... ...and that I need to change my altitude.
Why do people fear flying with United Airlines? Because they reach their bruising altitude before takeoff.

Altitude joke, Why do people fear flying with United Airlines?

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these altitude jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of altitude puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Altitude One Liners

Which altitude dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with altitude?

An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"
When learning how to fly its important to maintain a positive altitude.
I got dismissed from my job as a pilot. They told me I had an altitude problem.
Why was the plane sent back to his room? Bad altitude
I got fired for being high on the job. Boss said he didn't like my altitude.
Why wasn't the pilot allowed to fly? (Pun) He was grounded due to his poor altitude.
What did the happy pebble say to the grumpy mountain? You need an altitude change!
What do you get when an Investment banker jumps off a cliff? A Con descending Altitude.
A student gets pushed off a cliff as a punishment He had a bad altitude.
What do you call a sunburnt guy on high altitude? Moun-tan
What did the the mountain climber say to the mountain? I'm sick of your altitude, mister!
Why was the plane grumpy? He had a bad altitude.
What do you call bomber version of Snoop Dog? B-52 (High Altitude Bomber)
What do you call a group of sky diving samurai warriors? Ninjas With Altitude
I realized I needed an altitude adjustment... ...so I booked the next flight out of town.

High Altitude Jokes

Here is a list of funny high altitude jokes and even better high altitude puns that will make you laugh with friends.

How do you gain altitude while heading down? Join the mile high club

Altitude joke, How do you gain altitude while heading down?

Hilarious Fun Altitude Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about altitude to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make altitude prank.

Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"

You must be in management!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded "You must be in management".
"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fuc#ing fault

In the spirit of a TIL that made it to the front page.

I'm sitting on this plane and the pilot comes on the PA system to tell the passengers that we are now flying at cruising altitude and all that nonsense but when he put the phone down he missed the hang up. All the passengers could still hear the pilot as he turns to to copilot and says, "You know I could really go for a a cup of coffee and a b**... right now." The flight attendant went running up the aisle to tell the pilot he didn't hang up and as she races by my seat the guy behind me shouts, "Hey, honey! Don't forget that cup of coffee!"

Two pilots

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!"
"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike."
There's a few minutes of silence....
"I no rike Jews." the copilot suddenly announces.
"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.
"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain "It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , Gilberg, nomattah...all same."

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.
They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.
The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call speed!!'
The second eagle, calmly replies 'Trust me. You would be flying that fast too if your sphincter was on fire.'

I wanted to be a pilot in the air force

But they said I didn't have the right altitude.

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.
Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.
Lady: Oh, You must be an engineer.
Man: Yes! How did you know?
Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is, I'm still lost.
Engineer: I see, then you must be in Upper Management.
Lady: Yes! How did you know?
Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might

The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

According to Wikipedia, Afghanistan is the country with the top average altitude

But now Canada is highest

Prison...

Prison is the only place where the importance of **soap** drops... with it's altitude.

My friend said that he can't Base Jump from the roof of my house and land safely

Not with that altitude

An airliner is in the middle of its flight when pilot is contacted by air control

"Delta 627, you need to reduce your altitude 5.000 feet." "What for?" is the pilot skeptical. "Noise avoidance." responds the controller. "Noise? What noise? We are at 35.000 feet, what noise could there be?" responds our pilot, now curious. So the air controller humours him: "Have you ever heard how much noise two airliners make when they collide?"

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it's starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.
Putin throws out a bottle of v**... and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Biden throws out an AR-15 and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway
Zelensky throws out Putin and says don't worry I've got too much of that in my country anyway and looks at Biden smugly as they c**... anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's b**....

A priest is on a plane

A stewardess aproaches him and asks:
Stewardess: "Hello father, would you like anything to drink? We have whiskey, cognac and beer."
Priest: "That sounds nice. Actually, what is our altitude at the moment?"
Stewardess: "Our current altitude is about 35,000 feet"
Priest: "Well then i will just take a bottle of water, the boss might see me otherwise"

Altitude joke, What did Daddy Plane say to his Son when he refused to land?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

The impact of these altitude jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.

Altitude Jokes

Best Short Altitude Jokes

Altitude One Liners

High Altitude Jokes