Happy Alternatively Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
LPT: If you want to treat a girl like a princess, take her out for dinner or play with her hair (simple things can make anyone's day).
Alternatively you could pick her up in a Mercedes and crash into a wall.
Steer clear if you don't like cow puns
Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.
How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hehe... 'screw'
Alternatively: 69, but everyone expects that one.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
Germans are efficient and have no sense of humor. Alternatively, none. The lightbulb should never die.
Women are like a box of chocolates
I always get stuck with the ones no one wants.
Alternatively...
Women are like parking spaces
All the good ones are taken and the rest are either handicapped or way too far out there.
And if there's a good one then somebody just pulled out.
How much does funeral insurance cost
Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out
Alternatively: an arm and a leg
What do you call it when you have a fish on the line but it gets away?
Herring Loss.
Alternatively:
Q: Why was it so difficult for the old man to reel in his fish?
A: He was hard of herring.
Q: How can fish just ignore you completely?
A: They just tuna you out.
Q: Why is Timmy afraid to go out to sea?
A: Lassie had to get help after he fell down a whale.
Why couldn't the trig professor teach the deaf kid?
Cos sec sin!
Alternatively: cosecant sine
Thanks /u/mephysteaux
I came up with this while studying, I should probably keep doing that.
What do you call a fear of fire?
Commonsense.
Alternatively, pyrophobia.
Shouldn't this be sold without an end piece?
Alternatively, would it be culturally insensitive to make a bunch of toast at once in the oven?
