The Best 81 Alternative Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alternative jokes. There are some alternative verizon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alternative possibilities puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Alternative Jokes and Puns

In a alternative universe where humans lay eggs.

omelettes would still be a seriously messed up thing to eat.

How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but they get extra credits for it

Are you fond of alternative sources for cooling technologies?

I'm a huge fan.

Alternative joke, Are you fond of alternative sources for cooling technologies?

Can we have a thread with alternative endings to traditional jokes? I'll start: Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

Why should aspiring interplanetary astronauts apply to NASA and ignore the speedier alternative?

Because the other program mars one's odds of survival.


What music do SEOs like?

ALT=ernative.

What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?

A snooker table. (Courtesy of Leigh Hart on the Alternative Commentary Collective during the New Zealand v South Africa Cricket World Cup semi-final)

Alternative joke, What is green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell on to you from a tree in the jungle?

What do you call alternative medicine that works?

Medicine.

Some people don't like fracking

But the alternative is boring!

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown:

"Quack!"

What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot?

A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball...

Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...

You can explore alternative demographic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alternative option dad jokes. There are also alternative puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


People often complain and belittle alternative religious organizations like atheism and scientology...

but at least atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What do you call a cow in a Russian forest?

A moss-cow.
Alternative answer: dead.

new way to pay

A company in India is coming out with a competitive PayPal alternative called PayMyFriend.

Could you please tell me what a slightly better alternative to a pokeball is?

That'd be great.

I found an alternative to PokΓ©mon GO.

It's this new game called Grindr. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear its this thing where you go around, trying to capture bears.

Alternative joke, I found an alternative to PokΓ©mon GO.

What do you get when an alternative metal band runs out of toilet paper?

Rage Upon the Latrine

Spercomputer was asked to find an alternative to Clinton and Trump to save presidential election.

The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia.
When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump?", he answered:
"Well, maybe because I'm honest about it"

Green day is playing on the only two alternative rock stations in my neighborhood...

There is no alternative.


I wonder what SwissCodeMonkey.....

Will do now that Funny Jokes has an alternative.

Who am I kidding? We all know they never do anything.

You know what they call alternative facts that are true?

Facts.

I don't have a 8am meeting on a Monday

I don't have a 8am meeting on a Monday. My calendar shows an "alternative schedule".

I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong

Some are just alternative right

I'm not gay

I've just got an alternative sexuality.

What does Kellyanne Conway call an email?

An alternative fax.

I slept with a supermodel last night

Alternative facts.

Ernie's roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response:

Sherbert!

Kellyanne Conway can't receive PDF's in her email so she uses an alternative:

Fax

I didn't fail my calculus test....

I just gave "alternative" answers on a few problems.

TIFU By Stepping Into Cow Dung

Now I have alternative facts all over me.

What's another name for a big fat lion?

*Alternative Feline*

I'm opening up a snack shop in DC.

I'm opening up a snack shop in DC. We will serve things like:

Triple fudge brownie sunday with double whipped cream, only 100 calories!

Cheesy deep fried nachos, more vitamins and less fat than a salad!

I'll call my shop "Alternative Snacts".

What does Sean Spicer call emails?

Alternative fax.

Trump got angry with computers again...

Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.

Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:

"Alternative Fax"

Professor: Today we will talk about Undocumented Immigrants...

also known as Alternative Citizens.

A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live...

Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"

Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"

I asked Kellyanne Conway for her email

And she said "oh you mean my alternative fax?"

Trump Executive Order #16

Trump: From now on, 2+2 will equal 5.

Reuters: But that can't be right, 2+2=4. We proved that, too!

Trump: You can say 2+2=4, but this is alternative math.

What does Kellyanne Conway eat for lunch?

Alternative snacks

What is Sean Spicer's favorite genre of music?

Alternative Rock

How did Trump avoid discovery when all of the main means of communication were being traced?

He used the alternative fax.

Breaking News: Donald Trump and his staff will be replacing the email system at the White House

They'll be using alternative fax instead

Planking is trending now

Alternative fads

Due to cutbacks, each states government is asking their citizens to contact them only by fax...

If you would like to speak to the Federal government, you'll need an alternative fax

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using screws or nails as fasteners.

I told her yes... and it's riveting.

What does the White House call a broken printer?

Alternative Fax.

What Does Kellyanne Conway Call Her Computer's Scanner?

Alternative Fax.

What do you call the "Alternative Facts Handbook"?

The Bible

This administration is so behind the times, technically speaking: they can't figure anything out...

They even have to use an alternative fax machine.

What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine?

They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

I used to use the word Alternative in sentences a lot...

But then I learned it meant something different.

Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough.

His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.

A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor

A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)

P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"

Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English

The dentist told me I'd have to get braces, or take the alternative route and have surgery.

The price was jaw-dropping.

Raking leaves sucks...

...but the alternative blows.

Why did Paul Simon name his garage funk alternative band?

Simon and GarFunkAl.

Did you hear that Fergie was actually singing an alternative version of the star-spangled banner?

Written by Francis Scott Off-Key

I want to move to whichever alternative universe The Onion get their headlines from...

It seems saner.

The italian-american alternative to Kickstarter...

ey... Go fund yourself!

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

I took part in a contest to design an alternative notification icon for YouTube, and I won

They gave me a No Bell prize

My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...

Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.

Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...

Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...

The only think worse than getting old

is the alternative.

What do you call refugees in Germany?

Alternative energy.

Neil Armstrong's Alternative First Words On The Moon

my name is Nell.
i walk the moon.
i see the sun,
the stars and soon,
i say
oh dam.

i say
oh drat.

i say
oh no.

the erf is flat.

What does the White House use when their fax machine breaks?

Alternative fax

I will be doing an alcohol free month...

I guess I'll have to find an alternative to ethanol as a solvent for my capsaicin extractions.

My fiance isn't too happy about me referring to her as my alternative second choice...

I thought she was my wife 2 b?

Due to all the scandals, the Trump administration has decided to stop using emails.

They'll use alternative fax.

Apparently the French have their own alternative for marijuana.

They call it ouid .

Kellyanne Conway didn't get work done

That's just her alternative face

I just heard a huge oil company is planning on using insect urine as a source for an alternative fuel.

I think its BP.

If I had to choose, I think I'd rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.

Beets the alternative.

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

I don't get why some people only drink carbonated water.

The alternative is still water.

All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Rocky mountain oysters are quite expensive.

A cheap alternative would be deer testicles, which one can easily find under a buck.

What's the alternative name for a pickaxe?

Gold-digger hoe

What are a gang member's favorite alternative medicine?

Homie-opathy

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alternative alternatively jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alternative possibility piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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