The Best 39 Alternate Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alternate jokes. There are some alternate behaviors jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alternate title puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Alternate Jokes and Puns

How many skateboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to film it.

**Alternate Ending**

One, but it takes him fifty tries.

How are your dog and your phone sex operator the same?

They both come when you call them.

Edit (alternate punchline): They're both burried in your backyard.

Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?

Talk about hitting rock bottom.

ALTERNATE: What a hard-ass.

Alternate joke, Did you hear about the woman who injected concrete into her buttocks?

What do turning down a prostitute and accepting an alternate hypothesis have in common?

They both involve rejecting the H0

The Tree Stooges: Moehogany, Cherry, and Curly Maple

Alternate for Larry: Larchy


In an alternate universe where Sean Connery has a gay BDSM fetish, what does he say as he switches positions with his sub boyfriend?

You're the man now, dog!

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...

They've become a Reichtangle.

Alternate joke, Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the unive

In an alternate universe, humans with an extra cromossome are gods, each responsible for a physical property.

It has been this way since the Down of time.

Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...

... they are calling them "parallelograms".

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

What can you never get from a gay person?

a straight answer.
Accepting alternate answers in the comments

You can explore alternate post reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alternate dub dad jokes. There are also alternate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Disney is releasing an alternate version of its latest film for the Indian audience where Nemo's father starts looking for a bride for his son.

It's called Finding Dowry.

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in the USA?

Yes. In the USA you can stand in front of the White House and shout "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. Equally, you can stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell "Down with Reagan!", and you will still not be punished.

(Alternate punchline:

Yes, but the USA also permits freedom after speech.)

Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car.

Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.

Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.

Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.

Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.

Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.

Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

Alternate joke, The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

In Australia, there are only three types of weather:

Too hot, too cold, too wet or a combination.

^(alternate: Total Fire Ban, Totally Flooded and Totally not gonna look outside; mate.)

We truly are living in an alternate timeline.

I was sure the Deputy District Attorney's name was Rod Rosen**stain**.

What do you call a plant made of mathematic principles?

A Triginomitree.

Alternate punchline: Pythagrass.


A doctor told me I have dementia

So I said: Yeah, and I live in an alternate universe.

Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.

After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling, and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones."

If Trump needed an alternate place to land Air Force One

He could always put it on Stephen Miller's fivehead

What do you call it when your ride to work insists on driving an alternate route that goes through a tunnel?

Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

Alternate dimensions joke

A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"

Why did the EA executive cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!

Currently.

Currently, it's better to be direct than to alternate between weak lines or else she might get confused and ask watt you doing.

I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...

Turns out it stands for United States of America

ALTERNATE JOKE:

I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...

Turns out that was my imagine nation

I believe there is another reality where I did really well in college.

I call it my Alternate University Theory.

In an alternate universe, Shakespeare's writings are the easiest to understand

But basic dialogue... is for prose.

He was a coder boy...

She said "C" you later boy, he was too BASIC for her...

*alternate title* He was a c0der boi...

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

Somewhere in an alternate universe...

A bunch of chickens are stuck at a lame wedding doing the 'Human Dance.'

In alternate universe, Robert De Niro was a special council assigned to investigate the election. Once his report was done,

he released the report at least 3 times, at least 3 times, at least 3 times.

In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.

As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.

They said that Curiosity killed the cat.

I got a call from the doctor saying my buddy nearly overdosed on his homeopathic medicine.

Turns out he had forgotten to take it.

*Alternate punchline:* His family and several witnesses later disputed this, arguing the actual problem was him nearly drowning.

An alternate version of a racist joke

A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start undressing. As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".

So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.

2020 was like...

an alternate universe where we were all living in Florida.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chain saw?

You can tune a chain saw.

Alternate answer: vibrato.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alternate rendition jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alternate sequitur piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes