The Best 53 Alter Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alter jokes. There are some alter confessions jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alter change puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Alter Jokes and Puns

In a alternative universe where humans lay eggs.

omelettes would still be a seriously messed up thing to eat.

How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but they get extra credits for it

After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black...

...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief

Alter joke, After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black...

A priest is in the confessional box...

A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."

A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."

The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."

The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"

The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."

Clergy

A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar.

The priest asks, "Want to screw some alter boys?"

And the rabbi responds, "out of what?"


Why did Yoda never get married?

Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife?" His response was "Do I?"

I'm looking for as many dirty nun jokes as possible and thought maybe you guys could help me out.

Thank you and I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to ask things like this here. For your help I'll give you a nun joke.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an alter boy!

Alter joke, I'm looking for as many dirty nun jokes as possible and thought maybe you guys could help me out.

How does praying lead to a blow job?

I don't know, ask an alter boy.

In an alternate universe where Sean Connery has a gay BDSM fetish, what does he say as he switches positions with his sub boyfriend?

You're the man now, dog!

There are three things a bride thinks of on her wedding day

As she arrives and sees her husband to be....

Aisle

Alter

Him

I went to a wedding today...

I went to a wedding today, it went off without a hitch!
Poor guy, this is the second girl that left him at the alter.

You can explore alter rectory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alter tweak dad jokes. There are also alter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi's empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...

They've become a Reichtangle.

In an alternate universe, humans with an extra cromossome are gods, each responsible for a physical property.

It has been this way since the Down of time.

What do you get when an alternative metal band runs out of toilet paper?

Rage Upon the Latrine

I once had an altercation with a dealer in Vegas.

He really had a chip on his shoulder.

How do you castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the jaw

Alter joke, How do you castrate a priest?

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."

"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever

I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer

After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.


When it comes to the bedroom, I'm changing the game...

You can call me Alter Boy

Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the chin

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

What do a doctor and tailor both have in common?

They can both alter jeans.

I broke some letters off my keyboard last night

My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.

Man Request Prayer In Church

Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"

A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"

The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"

So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"

The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.

I was stood up at the alter...

The wedding went off without a hitch.

Choochie Green was a hooker in a little town,

One Sunday morning she's decides to go to church. She gets all dressed up, in her finest mini skirt and top. She arrives early to ensure a seat up close. While the rest of the congregation files in, the priest notices her. He leans over to the alter boy and ask "Is that Choochie Green?" The boy squints and leans forward and replies "I don't think so, just the way the lights hitting it"

A man sees two alter boys behind a church sitting on a block of ice.

He says "what are you two doing here sitting on a block of ice?". An alter boy replies "The priest likes a couple of cold ones after a sermon."

Alternative I called the child abuse helpline

Unfortunately it is for victims only

A preist and a rabbi

Are out drinking together and the preist says " lets get some alter boys to screw." and the rabbi says "out of what? "

A nun is leaving church one evening.....

A nun is leaving church one winter evening after mass. As she exits she sees two alter boys laying in the snow completely naked. The nun approaches the boys and says "Dear lord! What are u boys doing out here naked in the snow?" One of the boys looks up at her and says,

"Father John likes to have a couple cold ones after mass"

If a priest is selfcenteret

Would you say he has an alter ego?

Alternate dimensions joke

A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"

What do you call a Superhero with a dentist alter ego?

Plaque Panther

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example,

Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.

Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

An alterboy walks in while a priest masturbating.

The priest said don't look so shocked son ... you will be doing this soon.

Why is that Father?

Because my arm is getting tired.

I cry every time after I have sex

It's rough being the alter boy

What's the alternative name for the pregnancy test?

Maybe baby

There was a fight at the alter yesterday

I guess you could say it was an altercation

It's strange how getting a fever can alter your perception of balance...

From my point of view the Jedi are evil.

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

Introducing: WaffleMan!

You'll never guess what his alter eggo is though...

Somewhere in an alternate universe...

A bunch of chickens are stuck at a lame wedding doing the 'Human Dance.'

Why did the catholic priest get the alter boys to sit in the snow?

So he could have a couple cold ones to slurp back after a hard days work.

In alternate universe, Robert De Niro was a special council assigned to investigate the election. Once his report was done,

he released the report at least 3 times, at least 3 times, at least 3 times.

I just found out about these things called "mods" that can alter game files.

They're absolutely game changing.

In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.

As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.

They said that Curiosity killed the cat.

A groom is standing at the alter with his best man

Looking out at the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, the groom whispers to the best man "you know except for my wife-to-be, my two sisters, my aunt and my mom, I must have nailed every woman here!" The best man whispers back between us, we've done the whole room!"

Considering the recent name changes of country music groups "The Chicks" & "Lady A" ...

... the famous paper drinking cups (the brand with the now-taboo southern-sounding name) will likely be named "Deez Cups", but only sold at "Winn-Deez" (as the grocery store chain decided to alter its name as well).

OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an alter made of antlers.

Detective: dear god

Officer: most likely yes

An alternate version of a racist joke

A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start undressing. As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".

So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.

What was the plastic surgeon priest's favourite thing to do?

Alter boys

What's the alternative name for a pickaxe?

Gold-digger hoe

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alter adapt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alter adjust piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes