Alter Jokes

73 alter jokes and hilarious alter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Explore how Anderson's alter ego varies when he steps into the rectory. Enjoy a collection of hilarious alter jokes that will bring joy to many. Read and find out why they are great gags.

Funniest Alter Short Jokes

Short alter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alter humour may include short changer jokes also.

  1. OFFICER: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an alter made of antlers. Detective: dear god
    Officer: most likely yes
  2. After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black... ...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief
  3. Clergy A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar.
    The priest asks, "Want to screw some alter boys?"
    And the rabbi responds, "out of what?"
  4. Why is there no clear distinction concerning the morality of altering one's personality through brain surgery? Because, it's a bit of a grey matter!
  5. What do you call a disobedient feline pirate? A mew-tineer!
    And what do you call a genetically altered cow?
    A moo-tant, of course!
  6. I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer
  7. I went to a wedding today... I went to a wedding today, it went off without a hitch!
    Poor guy, this is the second girl that left him at the alter.
  8. I just found out about these things called "mods" that can alter game files. They're absolutely game changing.
  9. A preist and a rabbi Are out drinking together and the preist says " lets get some alter boys to screw." and the rabbi says "out of what? "
  10. Why did the catholic priest get the alter boys to sit in the snow? So he could have a couple cold ones to slurp back after a hard days work.

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Alter One Liners

Which alter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alter? I can suggest the ones about adjust and modified.

  1. I just opened an express clothing alteration business. It's called Tailor Swift.
  2. Whats the best way to castrate a priest? Kick the alter boy in the chin
  3. What do you call a person who is really fast at altering clothes? Tailor Swift
  4. What was the plastic surgeon priest's favourite thing to do? Alter boys
  5. What do u call someone who has altered their nationality? An alternative
  6. What do you call a genetically altered picnic pest that can't speak? A mute ant
  7. What do you call two tailors fighting? a serious alteration
  8. How do you castrate a priest? Kick the alter boy in the jaw
  9. What do you call a Superhero with a dentist alter ego? Plaque Panther
  10. What is someone who just got left at the alters least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe
  11. Heinz have altered one of their spicier sauces. It's a remustard version.
  12. If a priest is selfcenteret Would you say he has an alter ego?
  13. What was the plastic surgeon's favorite video game? Altered Breast
  14. What do a doctor and tailor both have in common? They can both alter jeans.
  15. I was stood up at the alter... The wedding went off without a hitch.

Alter Ego Jokes

Here is a list of funny alter ego jokes and even better alter ego puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If Iron Man were the household appliance, his alter ego would be Tony Starch. #ShowerThoughts
  • What do you call Ralph Nader's alter ego? His alter-nader
  • Some people have alter egos.
    Chuck Norris has no such thing.
  • What do you call Shia LaBeouf's alter ego? Inertia.
Alter joke, What do you call Shia LaBeouf's alter ego?

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Alter Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about alter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean transform jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alter pranks.

In a alternative universe where humans lay eggs.

omelettes would still be a seriously messed up thing to eat.

How many alternative school kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but they get extra credits for it

A priest is in the confessional box...

A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."
A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."
The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."
The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for o**... s**...?"
The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."

Why did Yoda never get married?

Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife?" His response was "Do I?"

I'm looking for as many dirty nun jokes as possible and thought maybe you guys could help me out.

Thank you and I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to ask things like this here. For your help I'll give you a nun joke.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an alter boy!

How does praying lead to a b**...?

I don't know, ask an alter boy.

Somewhere in an alternative universe

a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince
but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince

There are three things a bride thinks of on her wedding day

As she arrives and sees her husband to be....

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the n**...'s empire reaches to all four corners of the universe...

They've become a Reichtangle.

Women left at the alter


In an alternate universe, humans with an extra cromossome are gods, each responsible for a physical property.

It has been this way since the Down of time.

What's the difference between an alter boy and a black baby?

The alter boy has a father that will love him.

What do you get when an alternative metal band runs out of toilet paper?

Rage Upon the Latrine

I once had an altercation with a dealer in Vegas.

He really had a chip on his shoulder.

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.

"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."

After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

When it comes to the bedroom, I'm changing the game...

You can call me Alter Boy

What's an alternative name for an astronomer?

A Skyientist

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

I don't know why my Ex-Fiance keeps calling me...

I left her at the alter, I even bid her adieu!

I broke some letters off my keyboard last night

My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.

Man Request Prayer In Church

Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"
A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"
The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"
So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"
The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.

Choochie Green was a h**... in a little town,

One Sunday morning she's decides to go to church. She gets all dressed up, in her finest mini skirt and top. She arrives early to ensure a seat up close. While the rest of the congregation files in, the priest notices her. He leans over to the alter boy and ask "Is that Choochie Green?" The boy squints and leans forward and replies "I don't think so, just the way the lights hitting it"

A man sees two alter boys behind a church sitting on a block of ice.

He says "what are you two doing here sitting on a block of ice?". An alter boy replies "The priest likes a couple of cold ones after a sermon."

A nun is leaving church one evening.....

A nun is leaving church one winter evening after mass. As she exits she sees two alter boys laying in the snow completely n**.... The nun approaches the boys and says "Dear lord! What are u boys doing out here n**... in the snow?" One of the boys looks up at her and says,
"Father John likes to have a couple cold ones after mass"

Alternate dimensions joke

A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"

In English grammar, periods are very important. They can alter the entire meaning of what is being said.

For example,
Johnny was on his trampoline, moving up and down in total bliss.
Johnny was on his period, moving up and down in total bliss.

An alterboy walks in while a priest m**....

The priest said don't look so shocked son ... you will be doing this soon.
Why is that Father?
Because my arm is getting tired.

Alternative name for a s**... frustrated southern man.

a kincel.

Somewhere in an alternate universe...

A bunch of chickens are stuck at a lame wedding doing the 'Human Dance.'

In alternate universe, Robert De Niro was a special council assigned to investigate the election. Once his report was done,

he released the report at least 3 times, at least 3 times, at least 3 times.

In an alternate universe, the Curiosity rover launch moments after lift-off.

As the rover exploded mid air, the broken pieces of Curiosity fell back to the face of Earth and scattered across the land. Unfortunately, a particularly sharp piece just happened to impale a cat walking about outside.
They said that Curiosity killed the cat.

A groom is standing at the alter with his best man

Looking out at the crowd of people gathered for the wedding, the groom whispers to the best man "you know except for my wife-to-be, my two sisters, my aunt and my mom, I must have nailed every woman here!" The best man whispers back between us, we've done the whole room!"

Considering the recent name changes of country music groups "The Chicks" & "Lady A" ...

... the famous paper drinking cups (the brand with the now-t**... southern-sounding name) will likely be named "Deez Cups", but only sold at "Winn-Deez" (as the grocery store chain decided to alter its name as well).

An alternate version of a racist joke

A black man goes to a club and hits it off with an attractive white woman. Eventually they head back to her place and start u**.... As the woman is taking the man's pants off, she says "now... show me what you guys are really famous for".
So a police offer knocks down the door and shoots him.

What's the alternative name for a pickaxe?

Gold-digger h**...

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test?

He's an excellent parallel Parker.

The Alternative Healer

A man has been sick for quite some time, and the many doctors he's seen can't seem to figure out what's wrong with him.
So the man decides to go see an alternative healer. While going through the initial exam, the man asks the healer,
"So doc, do you think I'll be okay?"
The healer replies,
"I don't think so, Mercury is in Uranus."
The man replies,
"Oh I don't believe in that astrology stuff".
The healer replies,
"Me neither, I just broke my thermometer".

What's the alternative to capitalism?


Alter joke, What's the alternative to capitalism?

jokes about alter