Alps Jokes

Following is our collection of deutschland humor and nobleman one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alps puns for adults, dirty hannibal jokes or clean switzerland gags for kids.

There is an abundance of wilderness jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 14 funniest jokes on alps. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alpine witze you can hear about alps.

The Best jokes about Alps

Talking dog for sale

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads Talking Dog for Sale. Intrigued, he walks in.

So what have you done with your life? he asks the dog.

I've led a very full life, says the dog. I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?

The owner says, Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!

It took Gandhi over a month to cross the Alps barefoot, no washing, worn out, and survived only on garlic. He was a...

Super-calloused fragile mystic, extra halitosis.

Enjoying the views...

You: So..did you enjoy your trip to the Swiss Alps?

Me: Yes, it was amazing.

You: Did you enjoy the views?

Me: Mmm...No.

You: Why?

Me: The Mountains blocked the view.

What do you call a podium that crossed the alps?

A Hannibal Lectern

God was showing off the mountains he made to his angels...

He showed them the Alps, the Himalayas, and the Pyrenees.

Impressed, the first angel said "that's nice, got any more?"

God replied, "oh yeah, Andes."


3 men on a skiing holiday

3 men go on a skiing holiday in the Alps and have to share the same bed, in the morning the following conversation takes place.

Man on left: I had a dream last night that I got a hand job.
Man on right: No way, I also had a dream about that as well!
Man in middle: That's funny I had a dream I was skiing.

The E.E.P.A levies charges against Franck Riboud, CEO of Evian, for tapping into protected aquifers in the Swiss Alps.

I guess he's in haute water now!

Talking dog for sale

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads

"Talking dog for sale"

Intrigued he walks in and sees the dog

"So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog

"I have had a very full life" says the dog

"I have lived in the Alps, rescued avalanche victims, I served my country in Iraq,
and now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home"

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner

"This is incredible! why on earth do you want to get rid of this dog?"

The owner says "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that."

Would you rather ski down a hill in the French Alps...

...or run down a slope in your car?

In 218 BC Hannibal crossed the Alps with elephants.

He got a mountain range that never forgets.

A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps...

> A group of Hungarian aristocrats lost their way hiking in the Alps.

>One of them, it is said, took out a map, and after studying it for a long time exclaimed: "Now I know where we are!"

>"Where?" asked the others.

>"See that big mountain right over there? *We are right on top of it.*"

George Gamow


An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking in the Alps...

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking together in the Alps.

On the hike the three keep trying to find similarities between them, but always end getting into arguments.

After a ways, the Frenchman and the Italian decide to take a quick break to take a leak. As they both leave the trail, the American calls after them Hey, I know something you both have in common!

Cos'รจ quello, what's that..?! Replies the Italian over his shoulder.

C'est Quoi? Replies the Frenchman from the other side of the trail.

The American shouts out European!

Four braggarts in a bar

Julius Caesar, Hannibal, Moses, and Bob are sitting in a bar bragging.

Caesar starts, "I and my army forded the Rubicon to face destiny." The bartender replies, "That sounds like a portentous crossing."

Hannibal says, "I and my army traversed the Alps with elephants to gain a strategic advantage against Rome." The bartender replies, "That sounds like a prodigious crossing."

Moses says, "I and my people parted the Red Sea to walk to freedom." The bartender replies, "That sounds like a preternatural crossing."

Bob says, "Me 'n' me mates went over the street for kebabs." The bartender replies, "That sounds like a pedestrian crossing."

My wife and I watched The Big Lebowski on TV?

Then I took her to bed and found her in the Alps.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes