Alphabet Jokes
151 alphabet jokes and hilarious alphabet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alphabet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out this list of alphabet jokes, from alphabet soup to alphabet mafia. From funny alphabet flirting to alphabet love, these alphabet jokes will have you in stitches. Plus, don't miss our unique alphabet jokes about the Y-vowel, the alphabet block, ABCs, and consonants.
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Funniest Alphabet Short Jokes
Short alphabet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alphabet humour may include short letter jokes also.
- When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend But then I saw the next two letters.
- Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.
- When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.
- I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herb in alphabetical order from now on. She said, Where would you find the time? I said, Easy. Right next to the sage.
- Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist? Because they're not-z's.
- Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C!
[ I'm^so^sorry ] - I have CDO... It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order...as they should be.
- What has more letters than the alphabet... The post office...
My 9 year old daughter told me this before bed... i thought i'd share. - Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet? Because all the other letters were not-Z's.
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Alphabet One Liners
Which alphabet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alphabet? I can suggest the ones about dictionary and capital letters.
- I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
- You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for Times new ramen
- Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet? Because the others are Not-Cs
- "When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat..." the vowels."
Friend: "Why?"
Me: "Sometimes." - Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.
- If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd move U Cause you're blocking the TV
- Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
- At first there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew why.
- The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest. The rest are e-z.
- I ate five cans of alphabet soup..... I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.
- TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew y.
- I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup... ...took the words right out of my mouth.
- Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet? He got lost at C
- I just ate four cans of alphabet soup... ...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.
- What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives? Letter rip!
Alphabet Soup Jokes
Here is a list of funny alphabet soup jokes and even better alphabet soup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I ate an expired can of alphabet soup... Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day
- Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended. It could spell disaster.
- I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated. I was better after I evacuated my vowels.
- ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If any go off, it could spell disaster
- How do you know you've eaten too much alphabet soup? You have a vowel movement
- If someone feeds you alphabet soup... Is that putting words in your mouth? Also, if they are about to feed you and pull back, is that taking the words out of your mouth?
- I finally found out what font they use for alphabet soup... Times New Ramen.
- Blondes shouldn't eat alphabet soup Because they always choke on the D
- Alphabet soup Good for your vowels.
- What do you call a pride pool party? Alphabet soup
English Alphabet Jokes
Here is a list of funny english alphabet jokes and even better english alphabet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why? They had UV protection in front.
- The oxford english dictonary once debated whether or not to remove the letter 'u' from the alphabet. Why didn't they? Because of Rick Astley
- Why do English kids repeat the alphabet only to the letter S? After S is tea time.
- I always thought my english grades were good But then in 6th grade, i learned the alphabet
- All Letters The only word in the English language that contains all the letters of the alphabet is, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" Boom.
- Why are 25 of the 26 letters in the English alphabet problematic to Jewish people? Because they're not C's.
- The first letter in the English alphabet is E
- The font for expired alphabet soup Is old english.
- Q: on a scale from 1 to 10, what is your favorite color in the english alphabet? A: Yes
Alphabet Love Jokes
Here is a list of funny alphabet love jokes and even better alphabet love puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them He's in love with the shape of u
- Question: What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Answer: Arrrrghhh!
Response: Nay! 'Tis the SEA we love!!
*My brother-in-law told me this one! - My Mom Tried To Force Feed Me Alphabet Soup, Saying I Loved It I Hate It When People Put Words In My Mouth
- You would think a Pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet is... You would think Pirates favorite letter in the alphabet would be the R
Truth is - Pirates actually love the C
Laughter Alphabet Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about alphabet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean abbreviation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alphabet pranks.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.
Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'
Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
Letter Z getting removed Joke
After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.
zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo
visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse
zodiac is now xodiac
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR?
I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except o**....
A Driver gets Pulled Over
A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."
Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."
Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."
Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."
Driver: "Me neither."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten
As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.
"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher
'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior
"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages
BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."
"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"
BB looks at her as if she's an idiot
"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
"It's I *am*! Use the proper word!"
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
"Fine," she sighs "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously...
I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.
I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.
She took the words right out of my mouth.
I've never learned the entire alphabet. I just know 25 of the 26 letters.
I've never known wh
Three surgeons are talking about their favorite kinds of patients.
"My favorite patients are librarians." says the first surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because their organs are all in alphabetical order."
"My favorite patients are mathematicians." says the second surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because all their organs are numbered."
"My favorite patients are politicians." says the third surgeon. "They're the easiest to operate on because they have no guts, no brains, they're heartless and their heads and buttocks can easily be switched."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stopped breathing today at a bar...
A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole d**... alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four Surgeons are getting coffee
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".
"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their a**... are interchangeable."
I suffer from tinnitus and my least favorite letter in the alphabet is...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
The Pirate and the alphabet
Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
Guy gets pulled over by the cops.
Cop: It seems you have been drinking.
Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M".
Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?
The alphabet has a W .
An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four surgeons
Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."
The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."
The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.
The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the a**... and head are interchangeable."
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said alphabetically or by age
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Doctors
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They're gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
what part of the alphabet is the wettest?
H to O
Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.
They spend years at c!
Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!
If it goes off, it could spell disaster!
I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order.
People ask me 'Where do you find the time?'
I say 'It's right there next to the sage'
I was alphabetising my spice rack...
when I realised I have too much spare thyme.
How a Chemist reads the alphabets
A B C D E F G water P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Be verbs.
The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.
"She is beautiful", said Kate.
"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.
"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.
"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.
As fast as he could, Joe uttered,
"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?
Haiti
Too many letters in the alphabet
A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.
She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!
Turned out that she had two p.
Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because Somalia doesn't have an education system
The obituaries are really concerning me as of late...
People seem to be dying in alphabetical order.
Why can't water say the whole alphabet?
It only knows H to O
Hey, you want to hear a joke about the fifteenth letter of the alphabet?
Why?
No, that's a different joke.
In light of Google becoming Alphabet, Gmail will be replaced with "Alpha Mail."
A teacher is teaching her kindergarten class the alphabet.
Teacher: Now, can you tell me the next two letters after M?
Class: NO
How come the boat couldn't recite the alphabet?
He'd always get lost at C
A dad asks his son...
"What is the 25th letter of the alphabet?"
The son answers, "Y."
"Because I want to know!"
New variant is called Omicron, the 15th letter of the Greek alphabet.
Futurama had Omicronians.
Matt Groening is from the future.
Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?
V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.
Why is there 1 less letter in the alphabet at Christmas
Because there is noel
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together
And then move the rest of them to match the layout of a QWERTY keyboard too.
Asked my Spanish friend if he liked any letters in the alphabet.
"C," he said. "E, too."
A teacher was teaching sentences in school.
"Wendy," she says. "Say a sentence that starts with the letter I."
"I is..." Wendy says before she gets cut off by the teacher.
"No, it is 'I *am,*' not 'I is.' Try again," the teacher corrects.
"Okay... I *am* the ninth letter of the alphabet," Wendy says.
Gurl, if I could rearrange the alphabet
I would make the first twelve letters be E,T,A,O,I,N,S,H,R,D,L and U. Those being the approximate order of the most frequently appearing letters in the English alphabet.
A woman is at a café orders the soup de jour, which happens to be alphabet soup that day. But when it arrives it just has ordinary noodles...
She says to the waiter, "Hey, I thought this was supposed to be alphabet soup."
The waiter replies, "It's in *cursive* ma'am."
I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records…
nothing was alphabetized!
