The Best 78 Alphabet Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alphabet jokes. There are some alphabet uppercase jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alphabet alliteration puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Alphabet Jokes and Puns

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

what part of the alphabet is the wettest?

H to O

In an English class...

Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I."
David: I is...
Teacher: No, David. You must always say "I am."
David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

jokes about alphabet

So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.


The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Alphabet joke, Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

A man stopped breathing today at a bar...

A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole damm alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...

I suffer from tinnitus and my least favorite letter in the alphabet is...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

You can explore alphabet consonants reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alphabet alphabetical dad jokes. There are also alphabet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.

I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.

TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew y.

Alphabet joke, TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

I walk into a bar...

... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

I was drinking a margarita at the bar....

And a woman screamed "Does anyone know CPR?!"
I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters...


I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...

Then I had a massive vowel movement

I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.

After that I had a massive vowel movement.

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Was sitting at a bar drinking a margarita when...

a waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back "I know the whole alphabet!" And we just laughed and laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Alphabet joke, Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...

...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear,

"Does anyone know CPR?"

I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"

We all laughed and laughed...except one guy.


Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet

that she knows of.

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

A Driver gets Pulled Over

A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.

Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."

Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."

Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."

Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."

Driver: "Me neither."

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C


Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...

...took the words right out of my mouth.

I was at a bar the other day, when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled...

"Does anyone know CPR!?"

I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet!" and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?

The alphabet has a W .

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-Z's.

I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He's in love with the shape of u

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd move U

Cause you're blocking the TV

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.

zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo

visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse

zodiac is now xodiac

I made friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know Y

I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR?

I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.

Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.

They spend years at c!

Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?

He got lost at C

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher:Β Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student:Β I is the ...

Teacher:Β Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student:Β OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Why don't pirates know the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup

I later took the biggest vowel movement ever

A bartender yells Does anyone know CPR?

Hell I know the whole alphabet! I shouted.

The whole bar laughed except for one guy

I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously...

I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.

I'm no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet

U-people make me sick

I've never learned the entire alphabet. I just know 25 of the 26 letters.

I've never known wh

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

You would think they have a hard time with R, but it's actually because they always get lost at C

What is a pirate's favourite letter in the alphabet?

You think it would be the R, but he's really fond of the C.

What has more letters than the alphabet...

The Post office...



My 9 year old daughter told me this before bed... i thought i'd share.

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid

She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

What has more letters then the alphabet?

The post office!!!

why cant pirates sing the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at "C"....

Whats a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet

None. Historians believe pirates were illiterate.

I suspect my daughter might enjoy alphabet pasta...

but I don't want to put words in her mouth.

Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?

Because the others are Not-Cs

A man leaves a bar and is pulled over by a cop...

he's had a few too many to drink and the cop tells him he's going to administer a sobriety test. The cop asks the driver to say the alphabet starting with the letter M. The man smugly looks at the cop and says "Malphabet."

Why do pirates take such a long time learning the alphabet ?

Because they spent years at C!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alphabet phonics jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alphabet lowercase piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes