Alphabet Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd move U

Cause you're blocking the TV

Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet

that she knows of.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.

zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo

visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse

zodiac is now xodiac

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters...

When I saw the letters "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone wanted to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters.

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

A Driver gets Pulled Over

A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.

Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."

Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."

Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."

Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."

Driver: "Me neither."

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

I was in a bar last night when a waitress screamed...

"Does anyone know CPR?"
"I know all the letters of the alphabet" I shouted back.
Everyone laughed.........well except this one guy.

I was at a bar the other day, when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled...

"Does anyone know CPR!?"

I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet!" and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!



[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.

Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew y.

Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-Z's.

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

Was sitting at a bar drinking a margarita when...

a waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back "I know the whole alphabet!" And we just laughed and laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.

After that I had a massive vowel movement.

I walk into a bar...

... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

In an English class...

Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I."
David: I is...
Teacher: No, David. You must always say "I am."
David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...

...took the words right out of my mouth.

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear,

"Does anyone know CPR?"

I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"

We all laughed and laughed...except one guy.

So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He's in love with the shape of u

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...

...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

A man stopped breathing today at a bar...

A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole damm alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

I suffer from tinnitus and my least favorite letter in the alphabet is...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever!

What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?

The alphabet has a W .

Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" - Funny Joke

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...

Then I had a massive vowel movement

what part of the alphabet is the wettest?

H to O

Why can't pirates say the alphabet?

Becuase they get lost at the "c"

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

I was drinking a margarita at the bar....

And a woman screamed "Does anyone know CPR?!"
I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.

Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?

The font for alphabet soup

Is times new ramen.

I was alphabetising my spice rack...

when I realised I have too much spare thyme.

Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

If it goes off, it could spell disaster!

I had four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

I just had the largest vowel movement...

I'll see myself out.

Be verbs.

The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

"She is beautiful", said Kate.

"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.

"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.

As fast as he could, Joe uttered,

"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Too many letters in the alphabet

A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.

She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!

Turned out that she had two p.

What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?

Haiti

blondes

A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde? the girl said. Yes, it's because you're blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Very good, said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy? Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because I'm blonde, mommy? No Honey, it's because you're 24.

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup

If any go off, it could spell disaster

Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

I'm super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I just don't know why.

Hey, you want to hear a joke about the fifteenth letter of the alphabet?

Why?

No, that's a different joke.

I just ate 4 cans of alphabet soup.

I'm going to have the best vowel movement.

Little johnny

Ms. Apple was teaching her class of first graders the alphabet. She was going around the room to each student and would ask them recite the alphabet.
When she saw little johnny was next she was prepared for the worst, as johnny has had a reputation for acting up.
She cautiously asks johnny to say the alphabet and he says, "abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz".
Ms. Apple is relieved, since this is the first day she has taught the alphabet she is surprised that he only left out one letter. She lets johnny know that he forget one letter. To wich johnny responds, "sorry ms.apple I didn't realize you wanted the d.

In light of Google becoming Alphabet, Gmail will be replaced with "Alpha Mail."

What are the funniest alphabet jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Alphabet? Well, here are the best Alphabet puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Alphabet pick up lines to share with friends.

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