The Best 78 Alphabet Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alphabet jokes. There are some alphabet uppercase jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alphabet alliteration puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Alphabet Jokes and Puns

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

If it goes off, it could spell disaster!

Alphabet joke, Careful, this is an alphabet bomb!

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.

Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?

what part of the alphabet is the wettest?

H to O


In an English class...

Teacher: David, give me a sentence starting with "I."
David: I is...
Teacher: No, David. You must always say "I am."
David: Oh right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

I'm expecting a massive vowel movement.

Alphabet joke, So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today..

Be verbs.

The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

"She is beautiful", said Kate.

"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.

"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she.

As fast as he could, Joe uttered,

"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?

Because they spend years at sea.

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

You can explore alphabet consonants reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alphabet alphabetical dad jokes. There are also alphabet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was alphabetising my spice rack...

when I realised I have too much spare thyme.

The font for alphabet soup

Is times new ramen.

A man stopped breathing today at a bar...

A lady then screamed out "ANYBODY KNOW CPR"
I yelled back. "I know the whole damm alphabet!"
Everyone Laughed... Well except 1 guy...

I suffer from tinnitus and my least favorite letter in the alphabet is...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

Alphabet joke, Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because Somalia doesn't have an education system

I ate five cans of alphabet soup.....

I had the biggest vowel movement of my life.


I ate too much alphabet soup and became consonated.

I was better after I evacuated my vowels.

Getting drunk

at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.

TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew y.

I walk into a bar...

... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

I was drinking a margarita at the bar....

And a woman screamed "Does anyone know CPR?!"
I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend.

Then I saw the next two letters...

I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup...

Then I had a massive vowel movement

I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup.

After that I had a massive vowel movement.

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

[ I'm^so^sorry ]

Was sitting at a bar drinking a margarita when...

a waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled back "I know the whole alphabet!" And we just laughed and laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup...

...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

I ate five cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then, I easily had the biggest vowel movement ever.

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear,

"Does anyone know CPR?"

I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"

We all laughed and laughed...except one guy.

Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet

that she knows of.

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend

But then I saw the next two letters.

A Driver gets Pulled Over

A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.

Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."

Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."

Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."

Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."

Driver: "Me neither."

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup

If any go off, it could spell disaster

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

Because they get lost at C

Too many letters in the alphabet

A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.

She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!

Turned out that she had two p.

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?

Because they're not-z's.

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup...

...took the words right out of my mouth.

I was at a bar the other day, when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled...

"Does anyone know CPR!?"

I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet!" and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?

The alphabet has a W .

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

I was choking on some alphabet pasta when a lady asked if I needed help.

She took the words right out of my mouth.

Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-Z's.

I had four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

I just had the largest vowel movement...

I'll see myself out.

Hey, you want to hear a joke about the fifteenth letter of the alphabet?

Why?

No, that's a different joke.

I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

You all heard of alphabet soup! Prepare yourself for...

Times New Ramen

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He's in love with the shape of u

What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?

Haiti

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd move U

Cause you're blocking the TV

I'm super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I just don't know why.

Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.

zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo

visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse

zodiac is now xodiac

I made friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know Y

I was in a bar getting drunk last night, when the bartender shouted out, Does anyone know CPR? I shouted back, I do, in fact, I know the entire alphabet! Everyone in the bar laughed and laughed...

Well, all except for one guy...

I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR?

I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.

Pirates may be good at math, but they struggle with the alphabet.

They spend years at c!

Why didn't the pirate finish the alphabet?

He got lost at C

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

I only know 25 letters of the Alphabet

I don't know Y

What's the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I'm not so sure... all I know is it's not z

Teacher: sing the alphabet

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher:Β Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student:Β I is the ...

Teacher:Β Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student:Β OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?

They get lost at C

I have an alphabet grenade.

If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alphabet phonics jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alphabet lowercase piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes