The Best 42 Aloud Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Aloud jokes. There are some aloud chant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aloud read puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Aloud Jokes and Puns

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie sucked! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

Italian Wedding Invitation (must be read aloud, including punctuation marks)

**You, wedding Rosa mister.**

Lil' Rascals

read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"

Panda

Two guys are walking in a bamboo forest when the spot a panda. One says to the other "Dude, that panda just ate an entire bamboo shoot!" The panda then pulls out a gun and shoots the one man. The other man says "Why did you shoot my friend?" The panda tosses him an encyclopedia and says "I'm a panda, look it up." The panda bear walks off as the man skims through the pages. He finds the panda entry and reads it aloud. "Panda Bear: Eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."

jokes about aloud

What childhood game are orphans not aloud to play?

House.


Phillip Hughes was the first Australian to die from elbola. (Might need to be said aloud to work)

What do cows drink joke

Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.

What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?

So what do cows drink?

Aloud joke, What do cows drink joke

One day Papa bear came downstairs to eat his dinner...

**"WHO HAS ATE MY SOUP"** ,he bellowed as he had seen that his plate before him empty. Little bear came downstairs as well and to his shock, his bowl was empty too. "WHO ATE FROM *MY* BOWL?", he pondered aloud. At this point mama bear came out of the kitchen and replied," What do you guys mean 'who has ate from my soup?' I haven't even gotten serve it yet!"

My attempt to translate an old Polish joke to English

> A policeman approaches a man drinking beer in park and asks him for his documents. Student hands him the documents and the policeman begins reading aloud:
> -ahh, I see we don't have a job.
> -no, we don't.
> -we're jerking around all day.
> -yes, we are.
> -Oh! We are students!
> -No, only I am.

Not 100% sure if I translated it well, improvements welcome:

George bush was attending a morning press conference...

Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"

"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.

A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"

SWEET PERFUME

A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, 'What's that smell?'
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, 'Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce." She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart. She turns to me and asks ,What's that smell?'
I say, "Broccoli, $1.49 a pound.'

You can explore aloud loud reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aloud voice dad jokes. There are also aloud puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains?

A riceist.

(It sounds better when you say it aloud)

I consider you a female sheep

Gotta say it aloud.

*ewe

How to catch a bear

Note: Best when told aloud

First you have to go some place cold, where bears live. Find an ice lake and make a big hole in it, deep enough to where a bear could not escape. Then you go to the store and buy some frozen peas. Scatter the peas all around the hole and then hide near the hole. Now you just wait until a bear comes to take a pea and you kick him in the ice hole.

How to sound Australian.

Say "good eye might" aloud.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Better if you say this aloud.

Aloud joke, Why did the baker have brown hands?

Whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend I turned to her to say "I love you so"...

She replied, "I love you so too!"

We then proceeded to discuss how one could not love Yoo So, for our Chinese friend is nothing but a delight to be around!

*Works better said aloud.

I asked a hippy if he wanted to leave the party we were at. Know what he told me?

Nah, imma stay.

(Works better if you read it aloud)

A Chinese businessman is entertaining his guest from England

Each time the Chinese lifts the glass, the says to his English associate: Kan Pei! 干杯 (Cheers)

The Englishman is stunned, but he continues eating.

It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese wants to drink, he exclaims: Kan Pei!

Finally, the English puts down his cutlery and says aloud to his Chinese associate: It's alright if you CAN'T PAY! I will! Now, shut up and eat!!


I vacationed to an island for the deaf

The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud

What do you call a fish with four eyes?

Fiiiish.

Clearly the joke is better when said aloud.

Whats a grecian urn

About ten fiddy an hour
Has to be read aloud

A blind woman walked towards a well,

Went over the edge, slipped and fell.

In the gathering crowd

A clear voice said aloud

"She simply could not see that well!"

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."

the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.

"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.

"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids

WiFi on the plane

Hello miss flight attendant, the elderly man said

I am sorry to bother you, but the internet is dead

Sir, don't you worry, the internet's not slain

You have to understand, there's no WiFi on a plane

'Yes 'mam, I know my stuff, he angrily yelled aloud

Being high up here, I've got to work in the cloud

Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on all their ships?

So when they get back to port they can scan-de-navy-in.

Say it aloud if you don't get it

Aloud joke, Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on all their ships?

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside....

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside of a deli when a nicely-dressed, affluent young boy walks past them. The Priest looks at the boy and whispers aloud "Wow, I'd love to screw that boy". The rabbi leans over, nodding in agreement and asks "Out of what?".

You listen to an audio book that is 8 hours of silence.

At the very end, the narrator says Oh, aloud?

A quote best read aloud..

*"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*

**- Bigger tree**


Why aren't the seven dwarves aloud into bars?

Because they're miners. 😎

What do soldiers wear on weekends?

Casual t-shirts

Say it aloud if you don't get it

How do you tell a chemist from a syndicated worker?

You ask them to read "unionize" aloud.

A critic walked up and down the aisles of a modern art exhibit.

He stopped before one particularly abstract work.

"What in the world is that supposed to be?" He wondered aloud.

"That," said the artist, "is *supposed* to be the Great Wall of China at sunset."

"Then why isn't it?" snapped the critic.

There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.

In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.

One day In went out and Out went in.

Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.

"Go find your brother." she ordered.

Out came back with In in less than five minutes.

"How did you do it so fast?" Mama asked.

Out simply replied, "Instincts."



(if you dont get it, read it aloud.)


Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV

It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.

[Better when spoken aloud:] A young man is nervous about his wedding night.

On the day of the wedding, he asks his dad what he should do. "It's easy, son. Just kiss her on the navel and tell her you love her."

So, that night, the newlyweds remove their clothes and get on the bed. The young man leans down, gently kisses his bride on the navel and says "I love you!"

"Lower!" she says.

\[In a bass voice:\] "I love you, I love you!"

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".

Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"

Then they'll leave in disgust.

What do clowns fill their cars with?

Laughing gas!

-----------

This has probably been made before, but I just thought of it after my mom, while doing her crossword puzzle, said aloud "fuel for a funny car" and I suggested laughing gas. It wasn't the right answer, unfortunately.

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!

Say this aloud: Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big!

A man in Russia is asked by his wife to go get some sugar.

So he goes and he waits all day in a line. When he finally gets to the front of it, they tell him they're out. And he starts yelling. "This war is stupid! This is like being back in the bad old days, living under communism again!"

At once a policeman approaches him and says "Friend, be silent. You know, back in the bad old days, if you said such a thing aloud, well... you would have been shot. Just be glad things are different now."

So the man went home and his wife said "Were they out of sugar?"

And he said, "Yes! And also bullets!"

Did you hear they just passed a law that you aren't aloud to laugh out loud in Hawaii?

They only allow A low ha

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aloud openly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aloud whisper piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes