Aloud Jokes

55 aloud jokes and hilarious aloud puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aloud that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the surprising benefits of reading jokes out loud! Learn how to capture the audience's attention and make your jokes land with a louder punch to get the biggest laughs. Featuring guidance on how to read jokes with the right timing and emphasis.

Funniest Aloud Short Jokes

Short aloud jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aloud humour may include short loudly jokes also.

  1. What do you call a fish with four eyes? Fiiiish.
    Clearly the joke is better when said aloud.
  2. There are 2 astronauts in space. The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"
    The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"
    (Saying it aloud helps)
    #Tip your waitresses!
  3. What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains? A riceist.
    (It sounds better when you say it aloud)
  4. Did you hear they just passed a law that you aren't aloud to laugh out loud in Hawaii? They only allow A low ha
  5. You listen to an audio book that is 8 hours of silence. At the very end, the narrator says Oh, aloud?
  6. Say this aloud: Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big!
  7. I vacationed to an island for the deaf The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud
  8. How do you tell a chemist from a syndicated worker? You ask them to read "unionize" aloud.
  9. Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on all their ships? So when they get back to port they can scan-de-navy-in.
    Say it aloud if you don't get it
  10. A blind woman walked towards a well, Went over the edge, slipped and fell.
    In the gathering crowd
    A clear voice said aloud
    "She simply could not see that well!"

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Aloud One Liners

Which aloud one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aloud? I can suggest the ones about say out loud and read out loud.

  1. Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.
  2. How to sound Australian. Say "good eye might" aloud.
  3. I consider you a female sheep Gotta say it aloud.
  4. What childhood game are orphans not aloud to play? House.
  5. What do soldiers wear on weekends? Casual t-shirts
    Say it aloud if you don't get it
  6. Why aren't the seven dwarves aloud into bars? Because they're miners. 😎
  7. Whats a grecian urn About ten fiddy an hour
    Has to be read aloud
  8. Say it Aloud i-1-2-4-q-n-d-r-s
  9. (original) What do you say to someone who's speaking aloud in school. Not allowed
  10. How can you tell that truckers like nuts? They always have pecans!
    (Read aloud)
  11. Read aloud and quickly: "One smart feller, he felt smart" Freudian slip?
  12. Aloud, try combining the words frying and flying into one word
  13. What did the DJ name his son? Eric
    (Say it aloud, like a record scratch)
  14. Prison r**... is an heinous crime. Say it aloud.

Read Aloud Jokes

Here is a list of funny read aloud jokes and even better read aloud puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked a hippy if he wanted to leave the party we were at. Know what he told me? Nah, imma stay.
    (Works better if you read it aloud)
  • What do you say when you are trying to scare your girlfriend? Boo bae!

    (Read aloud please)
  • Italian Wedding Invitation (must be read aloud, including punctuation marks) **You, wedding Rosa mister.**
  • A quote best read aloud.. *"I really hate small trees. I hold many prejudiced opinions about them"*
    **- Bigger tree**
Aloud joke, A quote best read aloud..

Charming Humor Aloud Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about aloud you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean say it out loud jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aloud pranks.

Lil' Rascals

read aloud for best effect ...
Teacher stands in front of the class full of the Lil' Rascals.
She asks Darla to spell dictate.
Darla, "dictate: d-i-k-t-a-t. Dictate."
Sorry Darla that is incorrect.
Teacher asks Buckwheat.
Buckwheat says, "dictate: d-i-c-t-a-t-e. Dictate."
"very good Buckwheat," says the teacher. "now can you use it in a sentence?"
"Sure," says Buckwheat, "Darla says my dictate good"


Two guys are walking in a bamboo forest when the spot a panda. One says to the other "Dude, that panda just ate an entire bamboo shoot!" The panda then pulls out a gun and shoots the one man. The other man says "Why did you shoot my friend?" The panda tosses him an encyclopedia and says "I'm a panda, look it up." The panda bear walks off as the man skims through the pages. He finds the panda entry and reads it aloud. "Panda Bear: Eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."

What do cows drink joke

Say each of the questions aloud and then answer the final question.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink?

One day Papa bear came downstairs to eat his dinner...

**"WHO HAS ATE MY SOUP"** ,he bellowed as he had seen that his plate before him empty. Little bear came downstairs as well and to his shock, his bowl was empty too. "WHO ATE FROM *MY* BOWL?", he pondered aloud. At this point mama bear came out of the kitchen and replied," What do you guys mean 'who has ate from my soup?' I haven't even gotten serve it yet!"

My attempt to translate an old Polish joke to English

> A policeman approaches a man drinking beer in park and asks him for his documents. Student hands him the documents and the policeman begins reading aloud:
> -ahh, I see we don't have a job.
> -no, we don't.
> -we're jerking around all day.
> -yes, we are.
> -Oh! We are students!
> -No, only I am.
Not 100% sure if I translated it well, improvements welcome:

George bush was attending a morning press conference...

Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"
"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.
A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"


A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, 'What's that smell?'
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, 'Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce." She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent f**.... She turns to me and asks ,What's that smell?'
I say, "Broccoli, $1.49 a pound.'

How to catch a bear

Note: Best when told aloud
First you have to go some place cold, where bears live. Find an ice lake and make a big hole in it, deep enough to where a bear could not escape. Then you go to the store and buy some frozen peas. Scatter the peas all around the hole and then hide near the hole. Now you just wait until a bear comes to take a pea and you kick him in the ice hole.

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a p**....
Better if you say this aloud.

Whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend I turned to her to say "I love you so"...

She replied, "I love you so too!"
We then proceeded to discuss how one could not love Yoo So, for our Chinese friend is nothing but a delight to be around!
*Works better said aloud.

A Chinese businessman is entertaining his guest from England

Each time the Chinese lifts the glass, the says to his English associate: Kan Pei! 干杯 (Cheers)
The Englishman is stunned, but he continues eating.
It keeps recurring, each time the Chinese wants to drink, he exclaims: Kan Pei!
Finally, the English puts down his cutlery and says aloud to his Chinese associate: It's alright if you CAN'T PAY! I will! Now, shut up and eat!!

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."
the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.
"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.
"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids

WiFi on the plane

Hello miss flight attendant, the elderly man said
I am sorry to bother you, but the internet is dead
Sir, don't you worry, the internet's not slain
You have to understand, there's no WiFi on a plane
'Yes 'mam, I know my stuff, he angrily yelled aloud
Being high up here, I've got to work in the cloud

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside....

A Priest and a Rabbi are chatting outside of a deli when a nicely-dressed, affluent young boy walks past them. The Priest looks at the boy and whispers aloud "Wow, I'd love to screw that boy". The rabbi leans over, nodding in agreement and asks "Out of what?".

A critic walked up and down the aisles of a modern art exhibit.

He stopped before one particularly abstract work.
"What in the world is that supposed to be?" He wondered aloud.
"That," said the artist, "is *supposed* to be the Great Wall of China at sunset."
"Then why isn't it?" snapped the critic.

There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.

In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.
One day In went out and Out went in.
Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.
"Go find your brother." she ordered.
Out came back with In in less than five minutes.
"How did you do it so fast?" Mama asked.
Out simply replied, "Instincts."

(if you dont get it, read it aloud.)

[Better when spoken aloud:] A young man is nervous about his wedding night.

On the day of the wedding, he asks his dad what he should do. "It's easy, son. Just kiss her on the navel and tell her you love her."
So, that night, the newlyweds remove their clothes and get on the bed. The young man leans down, gently kisses his bride on the navel and says "I love you!"
"Lower!" she says.
\[In a bass voice:\] "I love you, I love you!"

Old man, his doctor, and the p**...

An old man goes to the doctor, bringing with him what is clearly a p**.... He tells the doctor I'd like you to watch my friend and I having s**.... The Doctor is puzzled at first but reasons aloud, Well, s**... at your advanced age can be challenging. Alright. Go for it. The old man lays down, and the woman services him.
As the old man starts buttoning his pants the doctor is puzzled again. All you did was lay there. You didn't need my opinion. Do you just enjoy being watched?
And the old man replied, No, nothing like that. To be honest, it was either $100 for a hotel room or a $15 copay.

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.

What do clowns fill their cars with?

Laughing gas!
This has probably been made before, but I just thought of it after my mom, while doing her crossword puzzle, said aloud "fuel for a funny car" and I suggested laughing gas. It wasn't the right answer, unfortunately.

A man in Russia is asked by his wife to go get some sugar.

So he goes and he waits all day in a line. When he finally gets to the front of it, they tell him they're out. And he starts yelling. "This war is s**...! This is like being back in the bad old days, living under communism again!"
At once a policeman approaches him and says "Friend, be silent. You know, back in the bad old days, if you said such a thing aloud, well... you would have been shot. Just be glad things are different now."
So the man went home and his wife said "Were they out of sugar?"
And he said, "Yes! And also bullets!"

Aloud joke, Did you hear they just passed a law that you aren't aloud to laugh out loud in Hawaii?

jokes about aloud