Alot Jokes

Following is our collection of generally humor and loads one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alot puns for adults, dirty eggnogstic jokes or clean tol gags for kids.

There is an abundance of lot jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on alot. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any shitload witze you can hear about alot.

The Best jokes about Alot

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

My first time having sex was alot like my first football game

It was painful, it was tiring

But at least my dad came

Paranoids

"You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

Women are alot like continents.

At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.


There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot.

It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.

If i had 5 euros for evey gender....

i would have 10 euros and alot of counterfeit money

Eurovision must confuse alot of Americans

Because the one with the most votes wins

If Tumblr was edible

It would have alot of trans fat

my wife is alot like pandora radio

she is always asking me if I am still listening

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!


As a fat, single, 40 year old man, I've been to alot of strip clubs.

Too bad I haven't made much money.

I always say mucho to my Spanish friends

It means alot to them

A woman on her period is like a chainsaw

yank on the string and she'll make alot of noise

Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.

[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?

Thank you for telling me the definition of "many".

It means alot.

superheros and religion are alot more similar than you think

Just a bunch people arguing whose fictional character is the best.

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.

That explains alot about my Tinder matches.


A Horse goes into a bar...

A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.

The bartender says "You know, you are in here quite alot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse says "I don't think I am...." and promptly vanishes from existence.









>!See, this was a famous joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy "I think, therefore I am". But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke it would of been putting Descartes before the horse.!<

I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry."

Man they got alot of water up there..

Too many Daves

a mother went into the Centrelink (welfare) office to discuss receiving benefits. during the interview she was asked about her children.
interviewer: how many children do you have?
mother: 7, all boys
interviewer: wow, thats alot. what are their names?
mother: well they are all named Dave
interviewer: all of them? what do you do to call them for dinner? or to get them to school?
mother: well I just call out "Dave, it's time for dinner" and they all come running, same for school, "Dave! time for school" and they all get ready and go.
interviewer: well that does make it easier. what do you do if you just want a certain one of them?
mother: easy, I just use their last name.

Children are like socks

Alot of them go missing.

Woman are alot like square numbers

If there under 13 do them in your head

My dad uses to tell this joke alot

There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarresed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone.

One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it.

"That's Odd!" He said

Spreading girls's legs is alot like spreading butter

You can do it with a credit card, but it's much easier with a knife

Why did the poor man become a baker?

He really kneaded the dough alot

Can anyone help me. I don't know where to park my boat and all the other captains are making fun of me.

im under alot of pier pressure!

Samsungs Galaxy Note 7 is really cost effective

You get alot of bang for your buck.

A Mexican, Russian, and a Texan are sitting in a bar.

The russian has a bottle of vodka, The mexican has a bottle of tequila, And the texan has a bottle of whiskey. The russian gets up, chugs the whole bottle, throws it up and shoots it and says "in my country we have lots of vodka". After that the mexican gets up, chugs his bottle of tequila, throws it in the air and shoots. Then he says "in my country we have lots of tequila". So then the texan gets up, chugs his bottle of whiskey, throws it up in the air and shoots the mexican. Then he says "Back in texas we have alot of mexicans"

Losing my virginity was alot like performing a heart transplant operation.

Someone had to die for it to happen.

My friend works at a circumcision clinic

I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions

He said "No, I just keep the tips."

You can tell alot about a woman by her hands

For instance... If they're around your throat she's probably upset

I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child

Then i was born

Historically as a big corporation the best investment we've made is in our people.

Unfortunately we lost alot of money when this investment was outlawed.

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.

He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

What do you call a guy that talks alot of nonsense?

Bob Loblaw

Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan

And Iran, I ran so far away!

For Men Having Steak For Dinner, Is Just Like Having Sex...

Generally you are eating out, it cost alot and you never want to finish...

Thanks alot Kendrick Lamar!!!

Now whenever I tell my kids to "Sit Down!" when they are acting up in public, they reply with "Be Humble!"

I used to talk alot about hot air baloons.

But now my friends say I can't bring it up.

Smokey said "Only you can prevent Forest fires"

That's alot of pressure.

Why are people from Alabama so good at making burgers?

Because they know alot about things that are in-bred.

A little boy was eating a bag of candy...

A little boy was eating a bag of candy when a lady approached him and said, "you know, that candy will rot your teeth and shorten your life", to which the boy replied, "I dunno, my uncle lived to be 107 years old". "Oh", said the lady, "and your uncle ate alot of candy I suppose"? "No", said the boy, "he minded his own fuckin' business"!

There are alot of Hillary signs in my neighborhood...

When did she change her last name to 'For Prison'?

so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners.

so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes

What is there alot of at a midget sex party?

Short cummings.

A northern californian sees alot of helicopters in the sky...

...he turns to his friend and says, "Hella Copters"

Alot of people in tough situations say "What would Jesusγ€€do?"

Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by his own people for the things he did. I'm not 100% sure that he's the best person to look to for decision making advice.

When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?

Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor

I talk to myself alot.

Cause life's a movie, and I'm just practicing my lines.

How do you burn alot of calories?

Set a fat kid on fire

What did the Cryptologist have for breakfast?

Hash with alot of Salt

Michael Jackson had alot of good songs...

But his best ones were when he was in A Minor

gardening

i spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden. it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life.

I make spelling mistakes alot

and when I say alot I mean a lot.

There sure are alot of the_Donald posts on the front page

It sure makes me glad that 14 year olds can't vote.

What happened when the musician gave all the soldiers instruments instead of guns?

There was no war, just alot of violins

Politics is alot like driving

D to go forward, R to go backward

In my town alot of people are mean...

It's pretty average for them.

Alot of people have been hitting at Targets lately.

I see people like archery now.

Why do some people cough alot?

Because they drink to much coughee.

I have a problem where I talk about myself alot...

like this one time, I was in the middle of a funeral and... oh god dammit.

Women are like swimming pools

The cost alot to maintain,
Considering the amount of time you spend inside them

My advisor told me I should try and study abroad

Best decision I ever made. She taught me alot about myself.

Sex is alot like fishing

Never done it...

What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?

let me be your *soil*mate

My school seems to respect me alot

My report is filled with Fs

Hiring a (insert race here) is alot like Russian roulette only 1 in 8 actually work

ba-dum-tss

Alot of people don't know the difference between a religion and a cult

One has a negative connotation and the other is a cult

Last night I found out my wife cheated on me. I peed on her an shouted...

Urine alot of trouble!!

Violent Video Games are alot like Landscaping..

a whole lot of mowing through stuffΒ with a few patches here and there

What do you call an epileptic vegan who enjoys salads?

I dunno what they're called but they sure do enjoy their Seizure salads alot.

There's alot of panic regarding the E.Coli outbreak in North America.

But I think people should Romaine calm.

Young women..

Young women make alot of noice in the bedroom.... I guess they don't expect to see anyone in their window...

If I had a dollar everytime people correct my use of 'should of' on the internet,

Than their would of been definately quiet alot of money in my bank then all of you're genious combined.

My favrouite song shifts alot, sometimes it pop and another time its classical.

I guess that finally makes me a player then.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes