The Best 77 Alot Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Alot jokes. There are some alot loads jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alot tol puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Alot Jokes and Puns

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?

How do you burn alot of calories?

Set a fat kid on fire

Alot joke, How do you burn alot of calories?

Paranoids

"You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."

Alot of people in tough situations say "What would Jesusγ€€do?"

Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by his own people for the things he did. I'm not 100% sure that he's the best person to look to for decision making advice.


For Men Having Steak For Dinner, Is Just Like Having Sex...

Generally you are eating out, it cost alot and you never want to finish...

my wife is alot like pandora radio

she is always asking me if I am still listening

Alot joke, my wife is alot like pandora radio

A northern californian sees alot of helicopters in the sky...

...he turns to his friend and says, "Hella Copters"

A little boy was eating a bag of candy...

A little boy was eating a bag of candy when a lady approached him and said, "you know, that candy will rot your teeth and shorten your life", to which the boy replied, "I dunno, my uncle lived to be 107 years old". "Oh", said the lady, "and your uncle ate alot of candy I suppose"? "No", said the boy, "he minded his own fuckin' business"!

What did the Cryptologist have for breakfast?

Hash with alot of Salt

Losing my virginity was alot like performing a heart transplant operation.

Someone had to die for it to happen.

You can explore alot generally reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alot eggnogstic dad jokes. There are also alot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Women are alot like continents.

At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.

Why did the poor man become a baker?

He really kneaded the dough alot

I spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden

it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life.

Smokey said "Only you can prevent Forest fires"

That's alot of pressure.

When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?

Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor

Alot joke, When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens

In my town alot of people are mean...

It's pretty average for them.

Woman are alot like square numbers

If there under 13 do them in your head

What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?

let me be your *soil*mate


There sure are alot of the_Donald posts on the front page

It sure makes me glad that 14 year olds can't vote.

I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child

Then i was born

My friend works at a circumcision clinic

I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions

He said "No, I just keep the tips."

I make spelling mistakes alot

and when I say alot I mean a lot.

If Tumblr was edible

It would have alot of trans fat

Why do some people cough alot?

Because they drink to much coughee.

Thank you for telling me the definition of "many".

It means alot.

There are alot of Hillary signs in my neighborhood...

When did she change her last name to 'For Prison'?

Michael Jackson had alot of good songs...

But his best ones were when he was in A Minor

superheros and religion are alot more similar than you think

Just a bunch people arguing whose fictional character is the best.

Can anyone help me. I don't know where to park my boat and all the other captains are making fun of me.

im under alot of pier pressure!

You can tell alot about a woman by her hands

For instance... If they're around your throat she's probably upset

My first time having sex was alot like my first football game

It was painful, it was tiring

But at least my dad came

I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry."

Man they got alot of water up there..

There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot.

It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.

Eurovision must confuse alot of Americans

Because the one with the most votes wins

Spreading girls's legs is alot like spreading butter

You can do it with a credit card, but it's much easier with a knife

I have a problem where I talk about myself alot...

like this one time, I was in the middle of a funeral and... oh god dammit.

Thanks alot Kendrick Lamar!!!

Now whenever I tell my kids to "Sit Down!" when they are acting up in public, they reply with "Be Humble!"

Sex is alot like fishing

Never done it...

A woman on her period is like a chainsaw

yank on the string and she'll make alot of noise

Women are like swimming pools

The cost alot to maintain,
Considering the amount of time you spend inside them

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick

Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.

He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..

What happened when the musician gave all the soldiers instruments instead of guns?

There was no war, just alot of violins

Samsungs Galaxy Note 7 is really cost effective

You get alot of bang for your buck.

Politics is alot like driving

D to go forward, R to go backward

My advisor told me I should try and study abroad

Best decision I ever made. She taught me alot about myself.

Historically as a big corporation the best investment we've made is in our people.

Unfortunately we lost alot of money when this investment was outlawed.

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!

If i had 5 euros for evey gender....

i would have 10 euros and alot of counterfeit money

As a fat, single, 40 year old man, I've been to alot of strip clubs.

Too bad I haven't made much money.

Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.

[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.

That explains alot about my Tinder matches.

so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners.

so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes

I used to talk alot about hot air baloons.

But now my friends say I can't bring it up.

What is there alot of at a midget sex party?

Short cummings.

Alot of people don't know the difference between a religion and a cult

One has a negative connotation and the other is a cult

Children are like socks

Alot of them go missing.

I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...

So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.

My dad uses to tell this joke alot

There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarresed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone.

One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it.

"That's Odd!" He said

Why are people from Alabama so good at making burgers?

Because they know alot about things that are in-bred.

What do you call a guy that talks alot of nonsense?

Bob Loblaw

Alot of people have been hitting at Targets lately.

I see people like archery now.

I talk to myself alot.

Cause life's a movie, and I'm just practicing my lines.

I always say mucho to my Spanish friends

It means alot to them

Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan

And Iran, I ran so far away!

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"

The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and poof he disappears.

This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."

But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

I use to like origami as a hobby

But i gave up as it was alot of paperwork.

What did Nikola Tesla say after being shocked by his Tesla Coil?

That hertz alot

I trust my fingers alot!

Because i can count on them..............

*Staring at a barn full of feed*

Me: That's alot of feed.

Farmer: Yeah. The cattle eat it.

Me: Man.....that's one hungry cat

What does a tornado and a wife have in common?

They both start with alot of sucking and blowing, then you end up without a roof over your head.

I know alot of jokes in sign language.

To bad no one has ever heard them.

God asks a guy, would you set in motion a chain of events that will lead to the whole visible universe being destroyed in 1 million years, for 1 trillion dollars? Guy says yes thats alot of money and I've got to live for today.

God pulls out a mountain of cash and swims in it and says, then you'll understand what I did 999,999 years ago.

1000 Pizzas

a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pizzas? and the staff tell him: yes we actually do have! and the guy tell them: wow! thats alot of pizzas

I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises

With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"

she replied "It isn't in yet"

I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

Tornadoes are alot like divorces.

First they suck and blow,

Then they take your house.

Am i gay?

While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, are you gay? and that she's worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my sexuality that i can appreciate the beauty of male aesthetics as well?

All this reflection got me thinking, and i had to reach out to my ex and ask if he ever had the feeling that i was gay, turns out, he didn't!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alot lot jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alot shitload piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes