Delightful Fun Alot Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant
Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop
My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.
[Pulling out]
Me: Excuse me, what?
How do you burn alot of calories?
Set a fat kid on fire
Paranoids
"You can learn alot about paranoids, just by following them around."
Alot of people in tough situations say "What would Jesusγdo?"
Jesus was nailed to a cross and killed by his own people for the things he did. I'm not 100% sure that he's the best person to look to for decision making advice.
For Men Having Steak For Dinner, Is Just Like Having Sex...
Generally you are eating out, it cost alot and you never want to finish...
Say what you want about the Aztecs....
... but they have alot of heart.
(i'm not funny)
my wife is alot like pandora radio
she is always asking me if I am still listening
A northern californian sees alot of helicopters in the sky...
...he turns to his friend and says, "Hella Copters"
A little boy was eating a bag of candy...
A little boy was eating a bag of candy when a lady approached him and said, "you know, that candy will rot your teeth and shorten your life", to which the boy replied, "I dunno, my uncle lived to be 107 years old". "Oh", said the lady, "and your uncle ate alot of candy I suppose"? "No", said the boy, "he minded his own fuckin' business"!
What did the Cryptologist have for breakfast?
Hash with alot of Salt
You can explore alot generally reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alot eggnogstic dad jokes. There are also alot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Losing my virginity was alot like performing a heart transplant operation.
Someone had to die for it to happen.
Women are alot like continents.
At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.
Why did the poor man become a baker?
He really kneaded the dough alot
I spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden
it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life.
Smokey said "Only you can prevent Forest fires"
That's alot of pressure.
When using the equation Y=1-T to understand how citizens react to changes in taxation...what happens when T>1?
Alot of T gets dumped in a harbor
In my town alot of people are mean...
It's pretty average for them.
Woman are alot like square numbers
If there under 13 do them in your head
What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?
let me be your *soil*mate
There sure are alot of the_Donald posts on the front page
It sure makes me glad that 14 year olds can't vote.
I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child
Then i was born
My friend works at a circumcision clinic
I asked him if he charges alot for his circumcisions
He said "No, I just keep the tips."
I make spelling mistakes alot
and when I say alot I mean a lot.
If Tumblr was edible
It would have alot of trans fat
Why do some people cough alot?
Because they drink to much coughee.
Thank you for telling me the definition of "many".
It means alot.
There are alot of Hillary signs in my neighborhood...
When did she change her last name to 'For Prison'?
Michael Jackson had alot of good songs...
But his best ones were when he was in A Minor
superheros and religion are alot more similar than you think
Just a bunch people arguing whose fictional character is the best.
Can anyone help me. I don't know where to park my boat and all the other captains are making fun of me.
im under alot of pier pressure!
You can tell alot about a woman by her hands
For instance... If they're around your throat she's probably upset
My first time having sex was alot like my first football game
It was painful, it was tiring
But at least my dad came
I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry."
Man they got alot of water up there..
There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot.
It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.
Eurovision must confuse alot of Americans
Because the one with the most votes wins
Spreading girls's legs is alot like spreading butter
You can do it with a credit card, but it's much easier with a knife
I have a problem where I talk about myself alot...
like this one time, I was in the middle of a funeral and... oh god dammit.
Thanks alot Kendrick Lamar!!!
Now whenever I tell my kids to "Sit Down!" when they are acting up in public, they reply with "Be Humble!"
Sex is alot like fishing
Never done it...
A woman on her period is like a chainsaw
yank on the string and she'll make alot of noise
Women are like swimming pools
The cost alot to maintain,
Considering the amount of time you spend inside them
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..
What happened when the musician gave all the soldiers instruments instead of guns?
There was no war, just alot of violins
Samsungs Galaxy Note 7 is really cost effective
You get alot of bang for your buck.
Politics is alot like driving
D to go forward, R to go backward
My advisor told me I should try and study abroad
Best decision I ever made. She taught me alot about myself.
Historically as a big corporation the best investment we've made is in our people.
Unfortunately we lost alot of money when this investment was outlawed.
A Guy Proposing To His GF...
She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.
After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!
If i had 5 euros for evey gender....
i would have 10 euros and alot of counterfeit money
As a fat, single, 40 year old man, I've been to alot of strip clubs.
Too bad I haven't made much money.
Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.
[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]
The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s.
That explains alot about my Tinder matches.
so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners.
so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes
I used to talk alot about hot air baloons.
But now my friends say I can't bring it up.
What is there alot of at a midget sex party?
Short cummings.
Children are like socks
Alot of them go missing.
I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
My dad uses to tell this joke alot
There was once a man named Odd. He was very embarresed by his name and didn't want anyone to know about it. When he died he had no name written on his gravestone.
One day a bunch of tourists came to his town and visited the graveyard where they came across a gravestone with no name on it.
"That's Odd!" He said
Why are people from Alabama so good at making burgers?
Because they know alot about things that are in-bred.
What do you call a guy that talks alot of nonsense?
Bob Loblaw
Alot of people have been hitting at Targets lately.
I see people like archery now.
I talk to myself alot.
Cause life's a movie, and I'm just practicing my lines.
I always say mucho to my Spanish friends
It means alot to them
Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan
And Iran, I ran so far away!
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, " you're in here alot, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse ponders for a moment and responds " I don't think I am" and poof he disappears.
This is where philosophy students begin to snicker because they are familiar with Descartes postulate,
" I think therefore I am."
But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I use to like origami as a hobby
But i gave up as it was alot of paperwork.
What did Nikola Tesla say after being shocked by his Tesla Coil?
That hertz alot
I trust my fingers alot!
Because i can count on them..............
*Staring at a barn full of feed*
Me: That's alot of feed.
Farmer: Yeah. The cattle eat it.
Me: Man.....that's one hungry cat
What does a tornado and a wife have in common?
They both start with alot of sucking and blowing, then you end up without a roof over your head.
I know alot of jokes in sign language.
To bad no one has ever heard them.
God asks a guy, would you set in motion a chain of events that will lead to the whole visible universe being destroyed in 1 million years, for 1 trillion dollars? Guy says yes thats alot of money and I've got to live for today.
God pulls out a mountain of cash and swims in it and says, then you'll understand what I did 999,999 years ago.
1000 Pizzas
a guy walk into the pizzaria and ask: hello, do you have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him: nope. day after he come back to the pizzaria and says: hey do you guys have 1000 pizzas? the staff tell him. sorry no. 1 day after the staff makes 1000 pizza and the guy come and ask: hey. you guys have 1000 pizzas? and the staff tell him: yes we actually do have! and the guy tell them: wow! thats alot of pizzas
I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises
With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"
she replied "It isn't in yet"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!"
Tornadoes are alot like divorces.
First they suck and blow,
Then they take your house.
Am i gay?
While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, are you gay? and that she's worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my sexuality that i can appreciate the beauty of male aesthetics as well?
All this reflection got me thinking, and i had to reach out to my ex and ask if he ever had the feeling that i was gay, turns out, he didn't!
dad, can i have 1 crypto please?
what?
you want $5,47?
what you want to do with $17,56?
do you realize that $200,94 is alot of money?
here $7,32 for you
Did you know?
Did you know that a sperm cell contains 35.75 MB of data. Making a load contain about 16TB
Yes i know, thats alot of information to swallow.
What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.
