Alongside Jokes

Following is our collection of adjacent humor and atop one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alongside puns for adults, dirty driver jokes or clean opposite gags for kids.

There is an abundance of freeway jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes on alongside. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any road witze you can hear about alongside.

The Best jokes about Alongside

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.

"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.

Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.

The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.

"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.

"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.

After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"

Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."

Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."

Woman can't get mating dogs apart

A woman had two dogs that she hadn't had fixed, but always kept them from mating. One night she wakes up at 2 AM to this terrible howling.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and is unable to separate them.

She called her vet ,who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.

Do you think that will work? she asked.

Just worked for me, he replied.

This has been seen before, but this is my favorite version.

I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And thats how the fight started....

Jogger finds a tennis ball

So Joe is out jogging alongside a tennis court. Unspurprisingly, he spots a tennis ball which has gone over the net. It's getting late and nobody's left playing, he figures they just left the ball there.


So Joe picks up the ball and puts it in his shorts pocket, to play with his dog later. He runs off, and stops by his regular watering hole to rehydrate. One of his friends spots the bulge in his shorts and asks:

"What have you got there Joe?"


"That? That's a tennis ball."


"Dear lord, and I thought having a tennis elbow was bad!"


A man saw an unusual funeral procession

At the head of the procession was a man leading a labrador on a leash, following 2 slowly moving hearses. He cannot contain his curiosity and walks alongside the man at the head of the procession to offer his condolences.

"Sorry for your loss, who's in the hearse in front?"

"My wife"

"How did she die, if you dont mind my asking?"

"See this dog?" Says the bereaved man pointing to his labrador, It attacked and killed her."

"Dear me, who's in the second hearse?"

"My mother in law, she was trying to shield my wife from the dog and it attacked and killed her too."

They walk on for a little while longer in silence, when he asks

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

Racist in the deep south

There was a racist in the south who would often see minority hitchhikers walking alongside the road. Everytime, he would feel compelled to try to run them over.

One day he was driving and saw a hitchhiker. He was getting excited at the possibility of a good hit, and then he realized it was white pastor. He felt ashamed that he had almost hit him that he just had to pick him up.

So the pastor gets in and they get going again. The racist says, "Father, I must admit, I almost ran you over, and its because I have an urge which you might not agree with.

The pastor says, "why, whatever do you mean, my child?"

Just then, a hitchhiker is seen coming up the road, and the racist says, "oh god, its a negro, I am sorry Father, I have to do this."

The racist revs up and is barreling down the road. The hitchhiker jumps out of the way, just barely missing the front right wheel. "DAMMIT!"

The pastor exclaims, "Don't worry, I hit him with the door!"

Twelve.

A man is walking down the street alongside a sizable construction fence. It's at least 8 feet tall, and it runs the whole length of the block.

About 3 steps deep, he hears a quiet voice saying

"Twelve. Twelve. Twelve." He thinks it odd, but continues walking. Almost immediately, he hears the same voice, but louder.

"Twelve. Twelve. Twelve" His curiosity is piqued, and he looks around for a crack in the fence as he walks. Again, the voice gets louder.

"Twelve! Twelve! Twelve!" It's about this time that he sees a knothole in the fence, just below eye level. He stoops to peer into the construction yard. All of a sudden, a stick comes out of nowhere and jabs him in the eye. He reels back in pain. There's a peal of laughter followed by,

"Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"

Two packets of crisps are strolling down the street when a car pulls alongside them...

The driver asks if they would like a lift.

The crisps say, "No thanks, we're Walkers."

A man has just finished a trip to the Sea Life Centre, and is finishing up an ice cream on the way back to his car

When getting in to his car, he has a bit of ice cream round his mouth.

A guy parking alongside notices the mans tyres are a little flat and gestures for him to wind his window down.

"Hey man, it looks like you've blown a seal!"

"It's just ice cream, I swear to God!"

So Donald Trump is standing on the nearly completed US-Mexican wall...

President Trump is standing on the US-Mexico border, next to his nearly completed border wall.

Alongside him is the president of Mexico who is smiling and looking genuinely pleased.

**Trump**:Β  I have just added the final brick onto the wall so it is now complete. What are you smiling about.

**Mexican President**:Β  I'm just really happy that you decided to build this beautiful wall.

**Trump**:Β  Why?

**Mexican President**:Β  Because you are in Mexico at the moment.


Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt.

"That was dope!"

We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car.

We sped up alongside of him and yelled out "Hey, you clipped us."

What do you call it when a black man, a white man, an Asian man and an Indian man are all running alongside each other?

The Human race

Was about to sleep when I saw the robber last night in my house searching for money. I immediately got up.

And searched alongside with him.

New beer at Tesco

Tesco have announced that they will be adding a new beer to their value real ale range.
Alongside the affordable Simply Golden Ale and the inexpensive Simply Dark, they're adding Simply Red, for when money's too tight to mention.

Officer pulls up alongside a mans car. Officer: Sir your wife fell out the car about a mile back

Man: Thank you officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

Now that Pokemon Go is a thing alongside waterproof phones..

Someone has probably caught a pikachu in the shower.

So a Student walks into a cafeteria where the professors eat...

He goes and sits at their table with them and begins eating his lunch. One professor is not amused and asks the young man: "have you ever seen birds feast alongside cows?"
The student says: "Oh I understand, I guess I should fly away now"

The professor gets angry and decides to plot a plan to fail him on the next exam. So after the exam the professor asks: "I shall ask you a question, and if your answer is reasonable I will award you a high grade, if not, you shall not pass(hehe)"
The student agrees and so the professor asks: "If you had to choose only one between the following, which would you choose? great Wealth or great Knowledge and wisdom?"
The student responds: "Great wealth"
The professor says: "well I would have chosen great Knowledge and wisdom!"
The student then says: "of course, we have both chosen the one thing we lack most"


Eggplants are part of the cucumber family alongside tomatoes and zuccinis making them fruits...

And not eggs

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes