The Best 30 Almonds Jokes

Following is our collection of Almonds jokes which are very funny. There are some almonds lug jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these almonds walnuts puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Almonds Jokes and Puns

The nice old lady..

An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts and almonds to eat.

Conductor: "So kind of you to give me those nuts to eat everyday. Why don't you eat them yourself?"

Old Lady: "I don't have the teeth to munch them."

Conductor: "Then why do you buy them?"

Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!" :P :P :P

Why did the priest sell chocolate covered almonds at the fundraiser?

Because there's no nut like a religious nut.

Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews?

They're nuts.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

"Are you nuts?"

> Are you nuts?

 

> No, I'm pistachios.

 

*^Disclaimer:* *^Just* *^like* *^almonds,* *^pistachios* *^are* *^no* *^nuts.*


The Bag of almonds was tried for murder.

He was deemed legally sane, even though everyone could see he was nuts.

Do you like Almonds?

No, I do like a few-monds though.

(Courtesy of my 65 year old co-worker)

What happens when almonds die?

Diamond

I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds.

I'm calling it "CDs Nuts"

Cashews are expensive, almonds are expensive. Peanuts are cheaper. How about deer nuts?

You find them under a buck.

You know whaf the worst part about being vegan is?

Getting up at 4am to milk the almonds

You can explore almonds chocolate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean almonds hickory dad jokes. There are also almonds puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Today I met a man who said that everything in the universe was made up of pistachios, almonds and cashews.

But that's just nuts.

I like showing women my big bag of almonds.

It's nice when they compliment my nut sack.

I would go vegan but

I'm not willing to get up at 4am to milk the almonds.

What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

My friend has a travel bag specifically for his almonds.

What a nutcase.

Two almonds

Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.

Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"

If coconut oil is made with coconuts,

Almond oil is made with almonds,

Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,

Then I surely know what baby oil is.....

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds.

Everyone could tell we were nuts.


What did the guy who accidentally bought cashews instead of almonds say?

Aw, nuts.

Warning Dad Joke: Son just asked me: "Dad, do you like almonds?"

Me: "I don't like all-monds, but I do like some monds".

Went right over his head while I giggled furiously.

The hardest part about being vegan?

Getting up every morning to milk almonds

Why is almond milk so hard to get?

Because the almonds have tinyyyy nipples

TIL: For the past decade, Eddie Murphy has been researching and studying the health benefits of almonds.

He has become the Nutty Professor.

I have decided to make caramel almonds instead of caramel apples this Halloween to give to children in my neighborhood.

So that they can suck my nuts.

Toby Fox sells almonds and pecans. Because he's a...

**N U T D E A L E R**

I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but...

How do you milk a skim?

Guy walks into an ice cream shop

And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says Careful son, you're heading down a rocky road.

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

A woman was working at a nursing home

One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.

Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.

So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the almonds almond jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working almonds granola piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes