Share Hilarious Almonds Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
The nice old lady..
An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts and almonds to eat.
Conductor: "So kind of you to give me those nuts to eat everyday. Why don't you eat them yourself?"
Old Lady: "I don't have the teeth to munch them."
Conductor: "Then why do you buy them?"
Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!" :P :P :P
Why did the priest sell chocolate covered almonds at the fundraiser?
Because there's no nut like a religious nut.
Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews?
They're nuts.
What's the hardest part about being a vegan?
Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
"Are you nuts?"
> Are you nuts?
> No, I'm pistachios.
*^Disclaimer:* *^Just* *^like* *^almonds,* *^pistachios* *^are* *^no* *^nuts.*
The Bag of almonds was tried for m**....
He was deemed legally sane, even though everyone could see he was nuts.
Do you like Almonds?
No, I do like a few-monds though.
(Courtesy of my 65 year old co-worker)
What happens when almonds die?
Diamond
I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds.
I'm calling it "CDs Nuts"
Cashews are expensive, almonds are expensive. Peanuts are cheaper. How about deer nuts?
You find them under a buck.
You know whaf the worst part about being vegan is?
Getting up at 4am to milk the almonds
You can explore almonds chocolate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean almonds hickory dad jokes. There are also almonds puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Today I met a man who said that everything in the universe was made up of pistachios, almonds and cashews.
But that's just nuts.
I like showing women my big bag of almonds.
It's nice when they compliment my n**....
I would go vegan but
I'm not willing to get up at 4am to milk the almonds.
What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.
One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!
My friend has a travel bag specifically for his almonds.
What a nutcase.
Two almonds
Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"
If coconut oil is made with coconuts,
Almond oil is made with almonds,
Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,
Then I surely know what baby oil is.....
For Halloween we dressed up as almonds.
Everyone could tell we were nuts.
What did the guy who accidentally bought cashews instead of almonds say?
Aw, nuts.
Warning Dad Joke: Son just asked me: "Dad, do you like almonds?"
Me: "I don't like all-monds, but I do like some monds".
Went right over his head while I giggled furiously.
The hardest part about being vegan?
Getting up every morning to milk almonds
Why is almond milk so hard to get?
Because the almonds have tinyyyy n**...
TIL: For the past decade, Eddie Murphy has been researching and studying the health benefits of almonds.
He has become the Nutty Professor.
I have decided to make caramel almonds instead of caramel apples this Halloween to give to children in my neighborhood.
So that they can s**... my nuts.
Toby Fox sells almonds and pecans. Because he's a...
**N U T D E A L E R**
I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but...
How do you milk a skim?
Guy walks into an ice cream shop
And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says Careful son, you're heading down a rocky road.
What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?
A muesli/measly serving.
A woman was working at a nursing home
One of her patients was an old man that always had a dish of almonds he would offer the staff when they came in his room.
Her and her coworkers would nibble away as they did their duties, tidying him and his room. They got to talking about why he always had almonds, and he told them his family brings them for him, but he doesn't like them.
So the woman said, well if you don't like them, you should tell them, so they stop bringing them for you! And the old man said no that's ok, I like the chocolate, just not the almonds inside.
I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds.
My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"
He got upset, when I answered
"Kenya, CD's, nuts"
Almond oil is made by crushing almonds,
Peanut oil is made by crushing peanuts, coconut oil is made by crushing coconuts.
I really feel horrible about all those babies.
