Almond Nuts Jokes

69 almond nuts jokes and hilarious almond nuts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about almond nuts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Almond Nuts Short Jokes

Short almond nuts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The almond nuts humour may include short almond jokes also.

  1. I've just found out why they call it 'Almond Milk'. They tried to call it 'Nut Juice' but no one would buy it.
  2. Why do they call almond milk, almond milk? Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.
  3. Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face
  4. Why are California almond farmers so concerned about the record cold temperatures? They don't want their nuts to freeze off.
  5. I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds. My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"
    He got upset, when I answered
    "kenya, CD's, nuts"
  6. Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.
  7. Everyone I see looks like an almond! Most people think I'm crazy...
    But I think they're nuts!
  8. What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar? What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
    Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.
  9. Two almonds Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
    Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"
  10. Today I met a man who said that everything in the universe was made up of pistachios, almonds and cashews. But that's just nuts.

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Almond Nuts One Liners

Which almond nuts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with almond nuts? I can suggest the ones about almond milk and peanuts nuts.

  1. Why is it called Almond Milk? Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
  2. I was considering going on an all almond diet. But that's just nuts.
  3. I know why they call it Almond Milk Cause you can't say Nut Juice with a straight face.
  4. Why do they call it almond milk? Cuz no one can say nut juice with a straight face....
  5. Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
  6. What does a scientologist and an almond have in common? They are both nuts.
  7. Why was the almond tree on her last nerve? Because every one of her kids were nuts
  8. Why is it called almond milk? "Nut juice" wasnt very popular.
  9. What do you call it when you get milk from an almond? Busting a nut.
  10. What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy.
  11. Does almond milk come from crazy cows? Cause they gotta be nuts, right?
  12. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.
  13. Did you hear about the athletic almond? Total fitness nut.
  14. I was going to go on an all almond diet But then my friend said 'that's just nuts.'
  15. Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews? They're nuts.

Almond Nuts Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about almond nuts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pecan nut jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make almond nuts pranks.

What's six inches long and has nuts?
Almond Joy

Yo' Mama is so n**..., her mouth is like an Almond Joy bar full of nuts.

A doctor goes to the same bar every day and orders an Almond Daiquiri

He gets to be so regular, showing up at the same time every day, that the bartender knows to make the drink and has it waiting for the doc when he arrives.
One day the bartender goes to make it and realizes he doesn't have any almonds. He does, however, have some hickory nuts. So he mashes them up and whips them into a daiquiri, assuming the doctor won't know the difference.
The doctor comes in and is presented with the drink. He takes a sip and immediately notices something is up.
"Is this an almond daiquiri?" he asks.
"No," says the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

What's Gordon Ramsay's least favorite nut?

A Raw Almond.

Did you ever realize that almond milk lasts four times longer than regular milk?

That's nuts, right?

This almond delivery service is so annoying..

They drive me nuts!

The nice old lady..

An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts and almonds to eat.
Conductor: "So kind of you to give me those nuts to eat everyday. Why don't you eat them yourself?"
Old Lady: "I don't have the teeth to munch them."
Conductor: "Then why do you buy them?"
Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!" :P :P :P

What do you call obnoxious almonds?


Why did the priest sell chocolate covered almonds at the fundraiser?

Because there's no nut like a religious nut.

What do you call a group of scientologist almonds?


Almonds should be in their own specific food group...

It would be nuts!

"Are you nuts?"

> Are you nuts?
> No, I'm pistachios.
*^Disclaimer:* *^Just* *^like* *^almonds,* *^pistachios* *^are* *^no* *^nuts.*

The Bag of almonds was tried for m**....

He was deemed legally sane, even though everyone could see he was nuts.

What do you call Mexican Almonds?

Diaz Nuts

It's called almond milk for a reason.

Try keeping a straight face while drinking something called "nut juice".

I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds.

I'm calling it "CDs Nuts"

Cashews are expensive, almonds are expensive. Peanuts are cheaper. How about deer nuts?

You find them under a buck.

I like showing women my big bag of almonds.

It's nice when they compliment my n**....

I gave some almonds to a squirrel on my way to school today.

I had no idea it would go so nuts!

What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog.

One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!

How to tell the church is nuts

Prayers end with almond

For Halloween we dressed up as almonds.

Everyone could tell we were nuts.

What did the guy who accidentally bought cashews instead of almonds say?

Aw, nuts.


What kind of nuts do Christian like?
What kind of nuts do nuns hate?

An old lady and a bus driver

A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some almonds. He is happy to have the nuts but he noticed that the old lady isn't having any herself.
The driver asks, Excuse me madam, why aren't you eating any of he almonds?
The old lady says, Young man, they are too hard on my poor teeth, I can't.
The bus driver, confused, then asks, Why did you by them in the first place then?
The old lady replies, You see, I can't eat any of the almonds, but I sure love the chocolate they are covered in!

My friend grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook my while exclaiming, "I'm a pecan! I'm a cashew!"
I said "What?"
My friend continued shaking me back and forth and yelling, "I'm a macadamia! I'm an almond!"
I said "Woah dude! You're nuts!"

I have decided to make caramel almonds instead of caramel apples this Halloween to give to children in my neighborhood.

So that they can s**... my nuts.

Why was c**... almond shop full of thirsty girls?

Because he had the saltiest nuts in town

When I die, I want an almond tree seed to be planted with my body ...

and several years from then, when that tree is full grown, you can all e**... nuts.