Following is our collection of nougat humor and pecan one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Almond puns for adults, dirty toffee jokes or clean lug gags for kids.
There is an abundance of acorns jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 35 funniest jokes on almond. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any planters witze you can hear about almond.
Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.
Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face
Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
But that's just nuts.
Cause you can't say Nut Juice with a straight face.
Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
and several years from then, when that tree is full grown, you can all eat my nuts.
You make it nutt.
Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.
"Nut juice" wasnt very popular.
They are both nuts.
He gets to be so regular, showing up at the same time every day, that the bartender knows to make the drink and has it waiting for the doc when he arrives.
One day the bartender goes to make it and realizes he doesn't have any almonds. He does, however, have some hickory nuts. So he mashes them up and whips them into a daiquiri, assuming the doctor won't know the difference.
The doctor comes in and is presented with the drink. He takes a sip and immediately notices something is up.
"Is this an almond daiquiri?" he asks.
"No," says the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
Most people think I'm crazy...
But I think they're nuts!
Busting a nut.
Cashew outside!
Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"
Almond Joy.
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
Almond oil is made with almonds,
Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,
Then I surely know what baby oil is.....
Cause they gotta be nuts, right?
The almond brothers...
I'll go now
My favorite band is the Almond Butters
My friend grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook my while exclaiming, "I'm a pecan! I'm a cashew!"
I said "What?"
My friend continued shaking me back and forth and yelling, "I'm a macadamia! I'm an almond!"
I said "Woah dude! You're nuts!"
Total fitness nut.
But then my friend said 'that's just nuts.'
Almond joy.
Diamond
No, I do like a few-monds though.
(Courtesy of my 65 year old co-worker)
Try keeping a straight face while drinking something called "nut juice".
Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."
They're calling it Blue Diamond Fill-Ups
It's not like you can extract milk from tiny almond nipples.
Because he had the saltiest nuts in town
They drive me nuts!
That's nuts, right?
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.