Almond Jokes

Funniest Almond Short Jokes

Short almond jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The almond humour may include short walnut jokes also.

1. I've just found out why they call it 'Almond Milk'. They tried to call it 'Nut Juice' but no one would buy it.
2. I switched my kids to almond milk. Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
3. Guy walks into an ice cream shop And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says Careful son, you're heading down a rocky road.
4. Warning Dad Joke: Son just asked me: "Dad, do you like almonds?" Me: "I don't like all-monds, but I do like some monds".
   Went right over his head while I giggled furiously.
5. Why are California almond farmers so concerned about the record cold temperatures? They don't want their nuts to freeze off.
6. I went to on vacation to Africa to get some local music and almonds. My friend asked me "what country did you go to and what did you get?"
   He got upset, when I answered
   "kenya, CD's, nuts"
7. Everyone I see looks like an almond! Most people think I'm crazy...
   But I think they're nuts!
8. What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar? What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
   Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.
9. Almond oil is made by crushing almonds, Peanut oil is made by crushing peanuts, coconut oil is made by crushing coconuts.
   I really feel horrible about all those babies.
10. Two almonds Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
    Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"

Share These Almond Jokes With Friends

Almond One Liners

Which almond one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with almond? I can suggest the ones about pistachio and cashew.

1. What's the hardest part about being a vegan? Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.
2. I was considering going on an all almond diet. But that's just nuts.
3. Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
4. How do you milk an almond? You make it nutt.
5. Why was the almond tree on her last nerve? Because every one of her kids were nuts
6. What do you call it when you get milk from an almond? Busting a nut.
7. What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy.
8. I would go vegan but I'm not willing to get up at 4am to milk the almonds.
9. Have you heard of the nuttiest band in rock n roll? The almond brothers...
   I'll go now
10. Did you hear about the athletic almond? Total fitness nut.
11. I love organic rock music My favorite band is the Almond Butters
12. Have you seen the prices of Almonds and Cashews? They're nuts.
13. What's a nymphomaniac's favorite candy bar? Almond joy.
14. For Halloween we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts.
15. What happens when almonds die? Diamond

Almond Nuts Jokes

Here is a list of funny almond nuts jokes and even better almond nuts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Today I met a man who said that everything in the universe was made up of pistachios, almonds and cashews. But that's just nuts.
• I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds. I'm calling it "CDs Nuts"
• What's the difference between a container of peanuts, cashews, and almonds and neutering a dog. One is mixed nuts - the other is nixed mutts!
• Cashews are expensive, almonds are expensive. Peanuts are cheaper. How about deer nuts? You find them under a buck.
• "Are you nuts?" > Are you nuts?
   
  > No, I'm pistachios.
   
  *^Disclaimer:* *^Just* *^like* *^almonds,* *^pistachios* *^are* *^no* *^nuts.*
• Why did the priest sell chocolate covered almonds at the fundraiser? Because there's no nut like a religious nut.
• This almond delivery service is so annoying.. They drive me nuts!
• It's called almond milk for a reason. Try keeping a straight face while drinking something called "nut juice".
• Did you ever realize that almond milk lasts four times longer than regular milk? That's nuts, right?
• What did the guy who accidentally bought cashews instead of almonds say? Aw, nuts.

Almond Milk Jokes

Here is a list of funny almond milk jokes and even better almond milk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I see plenty of jokes about milking almonds, but... How do you milk a skim?

Almond Joy Jokes

Here is a list of funny almond joy jokes and even better almond joy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat. Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
  Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."

Almond Oil Jokes

Here is a list of funny almond oil jokes and even better almond oil puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If coconut oil is made with coconuts, Almond oil is made with almonds,
  Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,
  Then I surely know what baby oil is.....

Silly & Ridiculous Almond Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about almond you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coconut jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make almond pranks.