The Best 41 Almond Jokes
Almonds are not just a healthy snack - they're also the perfect ingredient for a good joke! Here are some of our favorite almond jokes to make you smile.
Top 10 Funniest Almond Jokes and Puns
What's a nymphomaniac's favorite candy bar?
Almond joy.
Did you ever realize that almond milk lasts four times longer than regular milk?
That's nuts, right?
Have you heard of the nuttiest band in rock n roll?
The almond brothers...
I'll go now
This almond delivery service is so annoying..
They drive me nuts!
Why is almond milk called almond milk?
Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.
What does a scientologist and an almond have in common?
They are both nuts.
Does almond milk come from crazy cows?
Cause they gotta be nuts, right?
Why is it called almond milk?
"Nut juice" wasnt very popular.
Where does almond and cashew milk come from?
Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.
Do you like Almonds?
No, I do like a few-monds though.
(Courtesy of my 65 year old co-worker)
What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies?
Almond Joy.
You can explore almond almond flour reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean almond almond oil dad jokes. There are also almond puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
It's called almond milk for a reason.
Try keeping a straight face while drinking something called "nut juice".
What happens when almonds die?
Diamond
An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat.
Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."
I was going to go on an all almond diet
But then my friend said 'that's just nuts.'
I switched my kids to almond milk.
Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
Why do they call almond milk, almond milk?
Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.
I was considering going on an all almond diet.
But that's just nuts.
Two almonds
Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"
If coconut oil is made with coconuts,
Almond oil is made with almonds,
Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,
Then I surely know what baby oil is.....
How to tell the church is nuts
Prayers end with almond
Why is almond milk called almond milk?
Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face
I love organic rock music
My favorite band is the Almond Butters
Why is almond milk so hard to get?
Because the almonds have tinyyyy nipples
Everyone I see looks like an almond!
Most people think I'm crazy...
But I think they're nuts!
I know why they call it Almond Milk
Cause you can't say Nut Juice with a straight face.
My friend grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me
My friend grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook my while exclaiming, "I'm a pecan! I'm a cashew!"
I said "What?"
My friend continued shaking me back and forth and yelling, "I'm a macadamia! I'm an almond!"
I said "Woah dude! You're nuts!"
Did you hear about the athletic almond?
Total fitness nut.
A popular flavored almond brand has started a new program to help those in need put gasoline their car
They're calling it Blue Diamond Fill-Ups
What do you call it when you get milk from an almond?
Busting a nut.
How exactly do they make almond milk?
It's not like you can extract milk from tiny almond nipples.
Why was Chodes almond shop full of thirsty girls?
Because he had the saltiest nuts in town
When I die, I want an almond tree seed to be planted with my body ...
and several years from then, when that tree is full grown, you can all eat my nuts.
What did the peanut say when the almond tried to pick a fight with it?
Cashew outside!
Crude Oil massage
Barber : shoul I massage ur head ?
Me : ok, which oil will u use ?
Barber : Almond Oil is for 250₹
Me : herbal oil ?
Barber: 150₹
Me: Coconut Oil
Barber : 100₹
Me : anything cheaper than this ?
Barber *to his helper* : chhotu, get that barrel of crude oil
How do you milk an almond?
You make it nutt.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Almond oil is made by crushing almonds,
Peanut oil is made by crushing peanuts, coconut oil is made by crushing coconuts.
I really feel horrible about all those babies.
Why do they call it almond milk?
Cuz no one can say nut juice with a straight face....
Why was the almond tree on her last nerve?
Because every one of her kids were nuts
What's a bisexuality favorite candy bar?
What's a bisexual's favorite candy bar?
Mounds and Almond joy, because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the almond nougat puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working almond pistachio piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.