Allowance Jokes

Following is our collection of dollars humor and cost one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Allowance puns for adults, dirty earns jokes or clean pay gags for kids.

There is an abundance of salary jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 10 funniest jokes on allowance. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any give witze you can hear about allowance.

The Best jokes about Allowance

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

10-year old Little Johnny brings Suzy home from school . . .

He says, "Mom, Suzy and I want to get married."

His Mom thinks it's adorable, so she asks with fake concern, "But Johnny, where will you live?"

He says, "Well, we thought about that and my room is bigger than hers, so we'll probably live in my room."

"But Johnny, what will you do for money?" the mother asked grinning.

"Well, I get $5.00 a week allowance, and Suzy gets $3.50, and I think we can get by on that."

The mother asks slyly, "But what if you have children? How will you buy diapers?"

Little Johnny shrugs, "Well, we've been lucky so far . . ."

My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it.

They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!

She actually said that?

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'

A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie is getting married."

"Oh?" says the mother. "And how old is Janie?"

"Five," replies the boy.

"Well," says the father, " what are you going to do for money?"

"I get 15 cents a week in allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 10 cents. We figured that if we put them together we weยดd be okay."

"I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have children?"

"Well," says the boy, "so far, we've been lucky."


A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died...

his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.

The new Space Force is going to cost the government billions in unforeseen expenses.

The military housing allowance will go through the roof because the cost of living in space is astronomical.

I once dated a girl who had no pubic hair.

She insists she didn't shave or wax and said she wouldn't even be able to afford the supplies on her allowance anyways.

My friends said i'm ugly. I didn't know how ugly i was till i was refused youth allowance..

But was given Disability Benefits.

Living on disability allowance is difficult, isn't it?

I have a friend who's a dwarf, and he really struggles to put food on the table.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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