Gather Around for Fun Allowance Jokes and Laughter with Friends
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it.
They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!
I had to work at the family crematorium to make my allowance...
...they didn't just give me money, I had to urn it.
A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died...
his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.
The new Space Force is going to cost the government billions in unforeseen expenses.
The military housing allowance will go through the roof because the cost of living in space is astronomical.
Living on disability allowance is difficult, isn't it?
I have a friend who's a dwarf, and he really struggles to put food on the table.
My friends said i'm ugly. I didn't know how ugly i was till i was refused youth allowance..
But was given Disability Benefits.
I once dated a girl who had no pubic hair.
She insists she didn't shave or wax and said she wouldn't even be able to afford the supplies on her allowance anyways.
