Alligator Jokes
145 alligator jokes and hilarious alligator puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about alligator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine, so why not joke about those scaly reptiles? From hip-hop alligators to alligator golf, this article is filled with hilarious alligator jokes suitable for any age group. Get ready to learn more about this amphibian and discover new, original alligator jokes from Florida, a shopkeeper, a detective, and even a hippopotamus.
Quick Jump To
- Short Alligator Jokes
- Alligator One Liners
- Alligator Up Jokes
- Alligator And Crocodile Jokes
- Florida Alligator Jokes
- More Alligator Jokes
Funniest Alligator Short Jokes
Short alligator jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alligator humour may include short crocodile jokes also.
- Alligators can live up to 100 years... Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
- TIL alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there's an increased chance that... ...they *will* see you later!
- It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
- How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.
- An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you? Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
- A boy sees an alligator in the zoo A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts
"Hey are you a caiman?"
"I'm alright, thanks kid!" He replies - I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet But I haven't seen any with more than 4
- Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
- I learned the difference between an alligator and a crocodile An alligator will see you later and a crocodile will see you after a while
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Alligator One Liners
Which alligator one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alligator? I can suggest the ones about iguana and florida gator.
- What happens when an alligator drives a boat? He becomes a navigator
- Alligators can grow up to 20 feet But most of them only grow four
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.
- Some Alligators can grow up to 15 feet but most only have 4.
- What do you call an alligator with a map? A Navigator.
- What's green and bad for your eyes? An alligator.
- What do you call it when an alligator accidentally calls someone? A pockatdile
- Two alligators were swimming next to a law firm... *
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investogator.
- What do you call a STD you get from a alligator GatorAIDS
- What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade
- If two alligators have reach an agreement... ... do they have a crocodeal?
- How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude? Aligato
- How to tell a alligator from a crocodile One will see you later
- What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator? An alligator.
Alligator Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny alligator up jokes and even better alligator up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- how do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? one will see you later,
and the other in a while - Alligators can live up to 100 years Which is why they have an increased chance of seeing you later
- Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit? They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
- What do you get when you cross a map and an alligator? A navigator
(Thought of this one myself I'm proud of it even if it ain't good) - If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile It's in the bye laws
- What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile? The spelling and pronunciation.
- What do you get when you cross miley cyrus with an alligator? A caiman like a wrecking ball.
- So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida. They all got Gatorades.
- So a man says to Steve Irwin How often do alligators mate? Steve asked: How often do they what?
Man: mate
Steve: what?
Man: HOW OFTEN DO THEY MATE?
Steve: HOW OFTEN DO THEY WHATTTTT???? - A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts "Hey are you a caiman?" "I'm alright, thanks kid", he replies.
Alligator And Crocodile Jokes
Here is a list of funny alligator and crocodile jokes and even better alligator and crocodile puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you tell the difference between an alligator or a crocodile? It depends if they see you later or in awhile.
- Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers "See you later" - Alligator
"After while" - Crocodile - Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset? They both cayman last.
- Science tip: You can differentiate between an alligator and a crocodile... ...by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.
- If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile There's a good chance he's in da-nile!
- There's an easy way to distinguish an alligator from a crocodile. It's a very simple technique. One you'll see in a while and the other you'll see later!
- At the zoo my daughter asked me how to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. I told her to just ask it to tell you a story If it doesn't sound true then it's a croc.
- Why don't alligators use phones? Because they don't know how to crocodile
- What is your best "See ya later alligator / in a while crocodile" line? I figured this was the best place to ask. Sorry if this isn't allowed.
- How can you distinguish an alligator from a crocodile? >!Just determine which will see you later and which will see you in a while!<
Florida Alligator Jokes
Here is a list of funny florida alligator jokes and even better florida alligator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The #metoo movement has everyone worried about s**... allegations... But in Florida people are worried about s**... alligators.
Gather Around for Fun Alligator Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about alligator you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anaconda jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alligator pranks.
It's time for dirty limericks!
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Alligator and g**...
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and says I will bet anybody that I can put my g**... into his mouth for 1 minute and take them out unharmed. Everybody put money into this and after 1 min he smashes a beer bottle on the alligators head and pulls his g**... out unharmed and offers anybody else a try. A woman puts up her hand and says "ill give it a try, but you gave to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
A few insurance workers are gathered at lunch when...
a wrinkly, old woman walks up. She approaches them with her hands behind her back and says to them, "If any of you can guess what is behind my back, you can sleep with me!"
The men all laugh before one man yells out, "I dont know. A fully grown alligator!"
The old woman shows a big smile and responds, "Close enough!"
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
A woman goes to the vet with her pet alligator...
She says "doctor, there is something wrong with my gator. I just caught him acting like a cat and meowing at a squirrel instead of eating it!"
After running a few tests the vet concludes that the alligator has a-reptile dysfunction.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
My 6 year old niece told me this one.
What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
An investigator
What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?
You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.
What did the Alligator say to the turtle?
Can I bayou a drink?
A Jewish man and his wife...
A Jewish man was driving down Alligator Alley in Ft. Lauderdale when a police officer pulled him over.
"Sir," said the officer, "you wife fell out of the car 2 miles back!"
"Oh, thank god!," he replied. "I thought I was going deaf."
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?
An instigator!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
What do you get when you have s**... with an Alligator?
Gatoraids
An alligator decided to have unprotected s**......
Now he has Gatorades.
Names for groups of animals
We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, m**... of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:
construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An investigator.
I got a**...-r**... by an h**...-positive alligator the other day
Now I have gatoraids
What is it called when an alligator can't get an e**...?
A reptile dysfunction
An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
An alligator had s**... with a p**...…
Now he has Gatorades.
I'll never forget what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket
I wonder how far I can kick this alligator
I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer
Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction
What do you call an alligator that is constantly starting fights with his friends? [OC]
An instigator.
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_
The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_
The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_
Most of the alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own
28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or get out of the pond n**...". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
A man walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm...
...and asks, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure we do," replied the bartender.
"Good," says the man. "I'll have a beer, and give me a lawyer for my alligator."
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
What do you call an alligator with a GPS?
A navigator. .... *ba dum tiss*
What do you call an alligator who is always having s**...?
A f**...-gator.
What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?
An Investigator
How come you never hear about gay alligators?
They all died of gatorAIDS
What do you call a disease s**... transmitted through alligators?
Gatoraids
What do you call an alligator addicted to drugs?
A crackhead-ile
Did you know alligators can grow up to 22 feet?
But most of the time they just grow 4.
What did the alligator get after sleeping with a h**...
Gatoraids
What does an alligator drink when hurt?
Gator-Aid.
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Native American.
"What is it made of?" she asked."Alligator's teeth," the man replied."I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.""Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
How do you cook alligator meat?
In a croc p**...!
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
What do you call a alligator without any legs
Anything you want, it can't run after you
Skinny dipping
A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I've come all this way just to see a bunch of n**... girls? Sheesh. Nahhh, I just came down here to feed the alligator".
While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:
Are there any gators around here?!
No, the man hollered back, they ain't been around for years!
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy:
How did you get rid of the gators?
We didn't do nothin', the beachcomber said. The sharks got 'em."
I was going to cook alligator for dinner
But then I realized I only have a croc p**...
what's the worst thing about wild alligators?
their wild allegations
