Alligator Up Jokes
141 alligator up jokes and hilarious alligator up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alligator up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Alligator Up Short Jokes
Short alligator up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alligator up humour may include short alligator jokes also.
- Alligators can live up to 100 years... Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
- It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
- An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you? Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
- A boy sees an alligator in the zoo A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts
"Hey are you a caiman?"
"I'm alright, thanks kid!" He replies - I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet But I haven't seen any with more than 4
- Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
- I learned the difference between an alligator and a crocodile An alligator will see you later and a crocodile will see you after a while
- What do you get when you cross a map and an alligator? A navigator
(Thought of this one myself I'm proud of it even if it ain't good) - If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile It's in the bye laws
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Alligator Up One Liners
Which alligator up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alligator up? I can suggest the ones about alligator florida and alligator and crocodile.
- What happens when an alligator drives a boat? He becomes a navigator
- Alligators can grow up to 20 feet But most of them only grow four
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.
- What do you call an alligator with a map? A Navigator.
- What's green and bad for your eyes? An alligator.
- What do you call it when an alligator accidentally calls someone? A pockatdile
- Two alligators were swimming next to a law firm... *
- What do you call a STD you get from a alligator GatorAIDS
- What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade
- If two alligators have reach an agreement... ... do they have a crocodeal?
- How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude? Aligato
- What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator? An alligator.
- What do you call an alligator that always starts fights? An instigator!
- What do you call an alligator addicted to drugs? A crackhead-ile
- What do you call a alligator without any legs Anything you want, it can't run after you
Alligator Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about alligator up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pet alligator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alligator up pranks.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's time for dirty limericks!
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alligator and g**...
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and says I will bet anybody that I can put my g**... into his mouth for 1 minute and take them out unharmed. Everybody put money into this and after 1 min he smashes a beer bottle on the alligators head and pulls his g**... out unharmed and offers anybody else a try. A woman puts up her hand and says "ill give it a try, but you gave to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
A few insurance workers are gathered at lunch when...
a wrinkly, old woman walks up. She approaches them with her hands behind her back and says to them, "If any of you can guess what is behind my back, you can sleep with me!"
The men all laugh before one man yells out, "I dont know. A fully grown alligator!"
The old woman shows a big smile and responds, "Close enough!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
A woman goes to the vet with her pet alligator...
She says "doctor, there is something wrong with my gator. I just caught him acting like a cat and meowing at a squirrel instead of eating it!"
After running a few tests the vet concludes that the alligator has a-reptile dysfunction.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
The Purist by Ogden Nash
I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."
My 6 year old niece told me this one.
What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
An investigator
What do you get when you cross miley cyrus with an alligator?
A caiman like a wrecking ball.
What town in the continental United States produces the most alligator pears per year?
Avo, CA does.
How often do I see alligators?
Ocajunally
3 in 1 QA jokes
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?
You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.
What do you call a female alligator?
A galligator
What did the Alligator say to the turtle?
Can I bayou a drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
A mentally ill man visits his doctor
This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:
A mentally ill man visits his doctor.
While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."
to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"
So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida.
They all got Gatorades.
A Jewish man and his wife...
A Jewish man was driving down Alligator Alley in Ft. Lauderdale when a police officer pulled him over.
"Sir," said the officer, "you wife fell out of the car 2 miles back!"
"Oh, thank god!," he replied. "I thought I was going deaf."
What do you get if you cross an alligator with Sherlock Holmes ?
An Investigator.
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
Which alligator lives in the arctic?
The refridgegator.
What happens after an alligator commits a crime?
You call an investigator
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Two Alligators
So Two Alligators are eating a clown and one says to the other "Hey this taste funny?"
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Sold some krokodil today......
"see you later alligator"
What do you call an alligator that wins a race?
A chompion.
(7-year old me thought he was very clever.)
What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile?
The spelling and pronunciation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alligator decided to have unprotected s**......
Now he has Gatorades.
Why did the alligator go to Disney World?
To get some tots!
#toosoon?
Why was the alligator sad?
It had a kiddie meal but didn't get a toy.
A man submitted a joke about alligators with ED to a pun competition...
But it caiman second.
A man walked into a bar...
He saw a sign that read "we sell all kinds of sandwiches"
The man says to the barman "Give me an Alligator Sandwich....and make it snappy!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Names for groups of animals
We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, m**... of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:
construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers
Why was the crocodile arrested?
Because of severe alligations.
Two alligators were murdered overnight in the swamp
Looks like we need an investagator to find out the culprit.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An investigator.
What have 70 teeths and 2 eyes?
-An alligator.
Now what have 2 teeths and 70 eyes?
-A retirement home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a**...-r**... by an h**...-positive alligator the other day
Now I have gatoraids
Why don't alligators use phones?
Because they don't know how to crocodile
What is it called when Alligators break into your house?
Gatorade
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call alligator w**...?
Croc-p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
Where do alligators that can't accept the truth go?
Da Nile
I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer
Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction
I told my pet alligator to stay outside
But he caiman anyway
What do you call an alligator that is constantly starting fights with his friends?
An instigator.
On the one hand, I really like petting alligators...
^^^^^there ^^^^^is ^^^^^nothing ^^^^^here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of s**... misconduct.
"I'm Gay."
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_
The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_
The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_
Most of the alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own
28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or get out of the pond n**...". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Mr. Alligator was 45, single, and a rampant alcoholic.
He had hit croc-bottom.
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile.
What do you call an alligator that plays hockey?
An ice gator
Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset?
They both cayman last.
What do you call a procrastinating Alligator?
MaybeLater
If you're hungover, make sure to help out any alligators you see.
I heard gator-aid will make you feel better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Man I wish Steve Irwin were still with us.
What do you call an alligator who started the fight?
The propagator
What do you get when you cross a shark and an alligator?
Nothing, they're not genetically compatible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an alligator who is always having s**...?
A f**...-gator.