Alligator Jokes
144 alligator jokes and hilarious alligator puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about alligator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine, so why not joke about those scaly reptiles? From hip-hop alligators to alligator golf, this article is filled with hilarious alligator jokes suitable for any age group. Get ready to learn more about this amphibian and discover new, original alligator jokes from Florida, a shopkeeper, a detective, and even a hippopotamus.
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Funniest Alligator Short Jokes
Short alligator jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alligator humour may include short crocodile jokes also.
- Alligators can live up to 100 years... Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
- It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
- An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you? Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
- A boy sees an alligator in the zoo A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts
"Hey are you a caiman?"
"I'm alright, thanks kid!" He replies - I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet But I haven't seen any with more than 4
- Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
- I learned the difference between an alligator and a crocodile An alligator will see you later and a crocodile will see you after a while
- What do you get when you cross a map and an alligator? A navigator
(Thought of this one myself I'm proud of it even if it ain't good) - If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile It's in the bye laws
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Alligator One Liners
Which alligator one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alligator? I can suggest the ones about iguana and florida gator.
- What happens when an alligator drives a boat? He becomes a navigator
- Alligators can grow up to 20 feet But most of them only grow four
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator.
- What do you call an alligator with a map? A Navigator.
- What's green and bad for your eyes? An alligator.
- What do you call it when an alligator accidentally calls someone? A pockatdile
- Two alligators were swimming next to a law firm... *
- What do you call a STD you get from a alligator GatorAIDS
- What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade
- If two alligators have reach an agreement... ... do they have a crocodeal?
- How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude? Aligato
- What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator? An alligator.
- What do you call an alligator that always starts fights? An instigator!
- What do you call an alligator addicted to drugs? A crackhead-ile
- What do you call a alligator without any legs Anything you want, it can't run after you
Alligator Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny alligator up jokes and even better alligator up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile? The spelling and pronunciation.
- What do you get when you cross miley cyrus with an alligator? A caiman like a wrecking ball.
- So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida. They all got Gatorades.
- So a man says to Steve Irwin How often do alligators mate? Steve asked: How often do they what?
Man: mate
Steve: what?
Man: HOW OFTEN DO THEY MATE?
Steve: HOW OFTEN DO THEY WHATTTTT???? - I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction
- The average life expectancy of alligators is about 50 years... So there is no rush, you indeed can see it later.
- Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers "See you later" - Alligator
"After while" - Crocodile - My 6 year old niece told me this one. What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
An investigator - Most of the alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own 28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes
- Why did the alligator and crocodile leave the olympics so upset? They both cayman last.
Alligator And Crocodile Jokes
Here is a list of funny alligator and crocodile jokes and even better alligator and crocodile puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile There's a good chance he's in da-nile!
- At the zoo my daughter asked me how to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. I told her to just ask it to tell you a story If it doesn't sound true then it's a croc.
- Why don't alligators use phones? Because they don't know how to crocodile
- What is your best "See ya later alligator / in a while crocodile" line? I figured this was the best place to ask. Sorry if this isn't allowed.
- What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? Man I wish Steve Irwin were still with us.
- Why was the crocodile arrested? Because of severe alligations.
- Crocodiles can't put their tongues out So if you are being taunted in a swamp, It probably is an alligator.
- What do you call a rainbow crocodile? An alligator.
- An Alligator sees you later, a Crocodile sees you in awhile. When does a Caiman see you? This isn't a joke, I want answers. Please. I've never wanted to know anything more.
- What do you call an alligator in Egypt? An in de-nile crocodile
Gather Around for Fun Alligator Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about alligator you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anaconda jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alligator pranks.
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's time for dirty limericks!
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alligator and g**...
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and says I will bet anybody that I can put my g**... into his mouth for 1 minute and take them out unharmed. Everybody put money into this and after 1 min he smashes a beer bottle on the alligators head and pulls his g**... out unharmed and offers anybody else a try. A woman puts up her hand and says "ill give it a try, but you gave to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
A few insurance workers are gathered at lunch when...
a wrinkly, old woman walks up. She approaches them with her hands behind her back and says to them, "If any of you can guess what is behind my back, you can sleep with me!"
The men all laugh before one man yells out, "I dont know. A fully grown alligator!"
The old woman shows a big smile and responds, "Close enough!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
A woman goes to the vet with her pet alligator...
She says "doctor, there is something wrong with my gator. I just caught him acting like a cat and meowing at a squirrel instead of eating it!"
After running a few tests the vet concludes that the alligator has a-reptile dysfunction.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
3 in 1 QA jokes
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler?
You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.
What did the Alligator say to the turtle?
Can I bayou a drink?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
A mentally ill man visits his doctor
This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:
A mentally ill man visits his doctor.
While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."
to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"
A Jewish man and his wife...
A Jewish man was driving down Alligator Alley in Ft. Lauderdale when a police officer pulled him over.
"Sir," said the officer, "you wife fell out of the car 2 miles back!"
"Oh, thank god!," he replied. "I thought I was going deaf."
What do you get if you cross an alligator with Sherlock Holmes ?
An Investigator.
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
Which alligator lives in the arctic?
The refridgegator.
What happens after an alligator commits a crime?
You call an investigator
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
What do you call an alligator that wins a race?
A chompion.
(7-year old me thought he was very clever.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alligator decided to have unprotected s**......
Now he has Gatorades.
Why did the alligator go to Disney World?
To get some tots!
#toosoon?
Why was the alligator sad?
It had a kiddie meal but didn't get a toy.
A man submitted a joke about alligators with ED to a pun competition...
But it caiman second.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Names for groups of animals
We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, m**... of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:
construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers
Two alligators were murdered overnight in the swamp
Looks like we need an investagator to find out the culprit.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An investigator.
What have 70 teeths and 2 eyes?
-An alligator.
Now what have 2 teeths and 70 eyes?
-A retirement home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a**...-r**... by an h**...-positive alligator the other day
Now I have gatoraids
What is it called when Alligators break into your house?
Gatorade
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call alligator w**...?
Croc-p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
Where do alligators that can't accept the truth go?
Da Nile
I told my pet alligator to stay outside
But he caiman anyway
What do you call an alligator that is constantly starting fights with his friends?
An instigator.
On the one hand, I really like petting alligators...
^^^^^there ^^^^^is ^^^^^nothing ^^^^^here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of s**... misconduct.
"I'm Gay."
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_
The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_
The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One evening an old farmer went down to the pond...
One evening an old farmer went to go down to the pond, as he hasn't been there in a while, he grabbed a five gallon bucket and some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard some voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted at him "we're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or get out of the pond n**...". Holding the bucket up he said "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
What do you call an alligator that plays hockey?
An ice gator
What do you call a procrastinating Alligator?
MaybeLater
If you're hungover, make sure to help out any alligators you see.
I heard gator-aid will make you feel better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
What do you call an alligator who started the fight?
The propagator
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an alligator who is always having s**...?
A f**...-gator.
Why couldn't the alligator get it up
He suffered from ereptile dysfunction
What's worse than one alligator coming to dinner?
Two alligators coming to dinner.
What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song Chandelier?
We will listen to Sia later alligator.
Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.
One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."
"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.
The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a alligator say to human walking away?
See you later m**......
Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.
Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the alligator get after sleeping with a h**...
Gatoraids
