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Alleyway Jokes

21 alleyway jokes and hilarious alleyway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alleyway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Alleyway Short Jokes

Short alleyway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alleyway humour may include short hallway jokes also.

  1. Earlier today I saw 4 guys beating this kid up in an alleyway, so I decided to help. He had no chance against the 5 of us.
  2. A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway... He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.
  3. Pretzels Two pretzels walked through a sketchy alleyway
    One was a salted
    The other was knot
    *
  4. I saw 2 kids beating up a kid in an alleyway, so I stepped in to help. He didn't stand a chance against 3 of us.
  5. What does a Pathway, an Alleyway and a Driveway all have in common. Your mom can't fit through any of them.
  6. Two social workers are passing by an alleyway... They see a guy badly beaten up lying there unconscious.
    One social worker says to the other, "My God - whoever did that really needs help."
  7. A sketchy guy in a back alleyway sold me a broken Waving Bullet. I guess I should have expected that, my friend told me she got bad vibes off of him too.
  8. Two nuns in an alleyway Two nuns were walking down an alleyway when a f**... jumps out. The first nun had a s**... but the second couldn't reach.

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Alleyway One Liners

Which alleyway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alleyway? I can suggest the ones about doorway and stairway.

  1. Yesterday I was attacked in an alleyway by four mimes. They did unspeakable things to me!
  2. A sketch artist walks into a alleyway It was sketchy.

Alleyway joke, A sketch artist walks into a alleyway

Cheeky Alleyway Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about alleyway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sidewalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alleyway pranks.

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."
The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your a**...!'"
The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"
The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...

The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!
Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone

A man is walking down the street in Belfast one dark night

when he feels a gun pressed into his back and he gets steered into a dark alleyway.
"Alright," the voice behind him says, "Are ye Catholic or Protestant?"
Knowing that the wrong choice might kill him, the man stutters, "I -- I'm Jewish!"
"Well!" the gunman says, "If that don't just make me the luckiest Muslim in Ireland!"

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.
You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!
The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:
Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!

A young Nun

Is doing her chores around the convent with one of the senior sisters. They go into town on bicycles to buy food for the evening meal. On the way back, the senior sister turns down a small alleyway. The young nun says,
I don't think I've ever come this way before.
To which the senior nun replies,
Yes, dear. It's the cobblestones.

Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"

They don't help him.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada.

He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.
The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.
His feet feel refreshed!
The street has gorgeous s**... and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones.
He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks.
One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap!
The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material.
He interrupts them to say, Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway. It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best.
The man with the sledge stops and says, Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut. That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold.
Well, I'll be! cried the archaeologist. And what's that fellow up to? pointing to the man on his knees.
Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it. Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet. So you see...
And here the man paused...
So you see...my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist.
The gradist...of fall time.

Colin meets a g**... the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It's so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your p**... hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

A girlfriend wants her boyfriend dead

But she doesn't know how to commit a m**.... She calls one of her best friends and tells her I want him dead, but I'm to scared to do it. Could you help?
Her best friend tells her It's alright, I got this and I'll make it look like an accident.
The next day the police are called because a dead body was found in an alleyway. A crime scene is set up and a detective does his detective work. After he's done an officer asks him So detective, what did you discover?
The detective looks at the officer and tells him Well it appears that someone beat this man to death with what seems to be a crowbar and then placed a banana peel 4 feet behind him.

Alleyway joke, A sketch artist walks into a alleyway