Alleyway Jokes

Following is our collection of dark humor and scenery one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alleyway puns for adults, dirty avenue jokes or clean backstreet gags for kids.

There is an abundance of pathway jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 19 funniest jokes on alleyway. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any kerb witze you can hear about alleyway.

The Best jokes about Alleyway

Earlier today I saw 4 guys beating this kid up in an alleyway, so I decided to help.

He had no chance against the 5 of us.

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven

A man comes to the entrance of Heaven and is told, "You haven't done anything good, but you haven't done anything bad either. If you can tell me of something amazing you have done, I will let you in."

The man replies, "Well, one time I was driving down the road and I saw some gang members threatening a young lady in an alleyway. I stopped and confronted them. I walked up to the biggest looking dude and slapped him and said, 'You need to leave this young lady alone, or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

The man at the entrance to heaven asked him, "When did this happen?"

The guy replies, "About five minutes ago."

A man was circumcised in a dodgy alleyway...

He paid close to nothing for it but was not happy as later that day, he was complaining to his friends that it was a complete rip-off.

There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...

The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!

Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone

A girlfriend wants her boyfriend dead

But she doesn't know how to commit a murder. She calls one of her best friends and tells her I want him dead, but I'm to scared to do it. Could you help?
Her best friend tells her It's alright, I got this and I'll make it look like an accident.

The next day the police are called because a dead body was found in an alleyway. A crime scene is set up and a detective does his detective work. After he's done an officer asks him So detective, what did you discover?
The detective looks at the officer and tells him Well it appears that someone beat this man to death with what seems to be a crowbar and then placed a banana peel 4 feet behind him.


Pretzels

Two pretzels walked through a sketchy alleyway

One was a salted

The other was knot


*

A monk was walking home one night...

A monk was walking home one night, and to get home, he has to walk down a dark alleyway. He walks down the alleyway, and out of the shadows comes a hooded man, the man draws a knife on the monk. He says "Empty your pockets, give me everything". The monk looks at the man, and the proceeds to pull a gun from underneath his robes and then point the gun at his attacker. The attacker says "What?!? Why do you have a gun?!? I thought monks were about inner peace". The monk replies "Yes, this is my inner piece".

Two nuns in an alleyway

Two nuns were walking down an alleyway when a flasher jumps out. The first nun had a stroke but the second couldn't reach.

Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman...

Join the crusades and have been caught in the Bazaars of Constantinople by the Saracen Army. Dodging in between the shops they spy an alleyway and dash down it. Seeing its a dead end they look for a place to hide. They notice three large wicker baskets they all jump in one and with baited breath wait for the soldiers to walk by.

The commander of the Saracen patrol isnt stupid and checks the alleyway spotting the three baskets and with his Scimitar pokes the first basket. The Englishman, expecting this says "woof! woof!" The Saracen, content walks up and pokes the next basket, "Meow! Meow!" says the Scotsman. The Commander moves onto the third basket, Paddys basket, gives it a poke... "Potato's"

There are these two homeless guys drinking cooking sherry in an alleyway........

when one says to the other. "Man I'm starving. There's a rotten frozen dead cat in the alley back there. I've gonna go eat it. You want in on this?"

The second guy says "No way am I going to eat a rotten frozen dead cat. That's nasty." So his buddy says "Suit yourself." And goes to town eating the rotten frozen dead cat.

He comes back about a half an hour later and says "Man, I don't feel so good. I shouldn't have eaten that rotten frozen dead cat." And proceeds to puke and the ground.

The other guy starts licking his lips and says "That's what I'm talking about, a hot meal!"

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.

You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!

The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:

Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!


Yesterday I was attacked in an alleyway by four mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me!

A young Nun

Is doing her chores around the convent with one of the senior sisters. They go into town on bicycles to buy food for the evening meal. On the way back, the senior sister turns down a small alleyway. The young nun says,

I don't think I've ever come this way before.

To which the senior nun replies,

Yes, dear. It's the cobblestones.

Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. It's so dark he can't see anything so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."

She says, "Thank you." He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" She says, "Go ahead." He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" She says, "Of course." He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

Ten horses walk out of a bar. They see another horse getting mugged by a big scary dude in an alleyway. The horses are unsure if they should intervene. One brave horse says, "Let's put it to a vote! If you want to help him, say aye!"

They don't help him.

An Englisman, Scotsman and Irishman are being chased by police

The three of them run into an alley ahead of the cops.

"We need to hide" said the Englishman

"Look, there's 3 sacks over there" points the Scotsman

So they rush over and each one hides in a sack just before the police turn into the alleyway

They scan the alley and dont see anyone but they spot the sacks. One officer walks slowly upto them and give the 1st one, with the Englishman in it, a kick

"Meow!" He says

"Hmm, just a cat the officer says to his colleagues

He walks to the 2nd sack hiding the Scottsman. Kick!

"Woof woof!" He says

"Dog in this one the officer says" and walks to the 3rd sack containing the Irshman. Kick!

"POTATOS!" He shouts!

alley way

So a white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking down an alleyway and one of them accidentally knock over a trashcan and a genie comes out. The genie announces himself as the ratchet genie and grants each man 1 wish.

The mexican says "i wish that i and my fellow hispanics can all live peacfully in our home country". And poof, he was gone.

Next the black man said "i was that i and my fellow african americans all live peacfully in our homeland". And poof he was gone.

Finally the white man asks the genie "so all of the blacks and mexicans are gone?" the genie replies with yes.

The whiteman then says "alright then, ill just have a coke"

What does a Pathway, an Alleyway and a Driveway all have in common.

Your mom can't fit through any of them.

My worst joke. [OC] [NSFW]

So a middle aged man and his mentally disabled nephew are walking down the street, when suddenly the man grabs the boy, drags him in to a nearby alleyway, and starts aggressively molesting him. After about 15 minutes of ferocious grabbing, squeezing, probing, and squirming, the man is overcome with a sudden wave of crushing sadness, and starts to cry. Unable to continue, he tosses the child aside, emerges from the alleyway, and finds a bench to sit down and cry on. After a while, his grief subsides a little and he manages to regain some self control. A passing stranger sees him and asks:
"Hey what's wrong, are you OK?"
To which the man replies:
"Oh yeah I'm fine, I was just feeling a little down."


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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